To think that at 32 I'm not an "older mum"

[elliejjtiny]

I've got 5 dc, oldest 8, youngest 7 months. I was 22 when I started ttc my eldest, 24 when I had him, still just about young enough to go to the "young parents" group at the children's centre .

But now having had my 5th DC I get the impression that I'm now an "older mum". Out of all my DC2's friends mums there is only one older than me and she's a grandmother (aged 40). Most of the others seem to have started having children at 18/19 and finish by 25. I was the oldest mum on the antenatal ward when I had DC5 and today I saw a toddler group advertised aimed at "older mothers" saying it was for mums aged 30+.

Are most of the mums in my area really young or am I (gulp) an older mum now? There's no point asking my mum, as long as I'm still a young mum, she can still call herself a young granny!

Meh, everyone is different.
I am early 30s and would like dc but not just yet. My friends around my age are only just starting to have them. I have friends who were 38 and 41 o having their (only) dc.
Otoh I have a friend with teenage dc - she was very young.
My youngest sister has a baby, was 26 and I feel that's young (but she is my baby sister )

I've just had my first and I'm 33. This is pretty normal among my friends. Apart from one friend who had her first at 18 (not planned, found out she was pregnant on the last day of high school) most of my friends had kids after 30. My mum had me at 35 and my younger brother at 38. My gran had her last at 40 (admittedly her 7th). We are late breeders! Definitely wouldn't have wanted to have kids any earlier and I don't feel like an "older mum", I suppose because where I live I'm not.

I had mine at 32 and 34 - round here and am amongst my friends / acquaintances this seems pretty average.

I think an 'older' mum in this area would be 38+... Though more 'attention' would be given to a 18 year old mum than a 40 year old mum in this area.

Medically speaking you are, culturally you probably aren't depending on your circle.

I agree with what NCIS said. I was an older mum when I had my last child at 31.

Having read all the replies it really isn't rocket science to see that the age children are born is a pretty strong combination of education, career prospects, socio-economic situation and good old fashioned family background. its got nothing to do with 'area' as if the weather in Norfolk or some other locations makes people want to breed younger ! What people are to scared to say is young mums come statistically from poorer backgrounds (ironically the next youngest group are the super rich who don't have to graft for a home and save for school fees etc -) they almost always give birth in early /mid 20's with providing an heir and a spare is an actual career choice. Middle class children with good education and stable family (divorce
seems to make very little difference as long as parents are supportive and loving) tend in general (of course there are exceptions) to go to university, having done that they then hopefully find their chosen career and work at establishing themselves , then comes finding a suitable mate.. although this often happens at uni with socially like minded partner who will be busy by this point doing exactly the same. Then around 28.5 They settle in to first jointly bought property, and marry BEFORE having children because that is both family expectation and because they are usually financially smart enough that marriage secures everything that living together doesn't. A couple of post marriage years enjoying each other's company and presto !.its time to procreate . aged about 32. (add a year or two if taken a 'gap' year ). Communities where the expectation of university and a career are made neither by school or family and socio economic position makes it hard even for super bright poor children to go without parental support. After leaving school employment is often limited to fairly menial low paid work as the 'career jobs like nursing , Secretary/PA , social work, retail management etc now go to graduates from whom employers have many thousands to choose from.. stuck in a boring job, having children is an attractive proposition. If a relationship has been established then there would seem like little point waiting (which from a purely medical pov is spot on )There is little aspiration to house purchase as perceived rightly or wrongly as not for them, children are not 'saved for ' in the same way as the other group due to simple lack of disposable income. Marriage is not the norm, although it did happen in slightly less than 10% of couples surveyed after first child (mothers stated an almost overwhelming desire to marry following both but < 1% of fathers shared this wish . The age at which this group tend to have children is fairly dependent on housing, whether parents a willing for couple to live with them, the social housing list and availability of private rental sector . Average age is 23.8 .
The youngest group (aged 14 -29 ) had almost without exception had horrendous family backgrounds of abuse, multiple foster placements or very unstable/unreliable /neglectful parenting. In very simple terms , having sex was equated to love, -.a commodity in short supply throughout their lives. To prolong the relationship the girls often believe the fastest route to 'keeping her man" and gaining a home is to have a baby. Unfortunately the automatic prioritie given to single young mothers rarely exists these days and babies father is usually long gone by the birth....
So basically, it's down to education, money and family . (but there are always going to be exceptions )

Taken from part of Dds university sludy in 'Maternal choices' taken from a 3.yr survey of 7000 first time mums of small /medium city between 2010-2013. For me though, the most shocking statistic was child planning. In the oldest mums group, almost without exception children were planned by over 98.6%. with 1.2% being 'carried away and forgot/didn't bother with contraception. Only 0.2% claimed contraception failure
In the second group this stat changed to 38% planned 13%.carried away/no contraception and a whacking 48% claiming contraception failure. - now that needs investigation !

I agree with it's the area, I'm 29 with three dc's and I'm ten to fifteen years younger than the rest of the mums in the playground with kids the same age

Patchworkpatty - Dh and I had babies starting from early 20s. We have always been married. I know some people do it, even many older mums and dads, but I can never have children without being married.
I also wouldn't have children before I owned property.

When I was the grand old age of 34 and pregnant with DD2, a (rather rude IMO) consultant asked me if I had chosen to have a small gap between my dc because of my age! It wasn't even a very small gap - there are 2 years between them!

I had my first at 23 and my second at 26, I was too old to be in the young parent group and felt too young to properly join in with the 'older' mums who all seemed to have had wonderful interesting careers before kids.

I was called a mature mum when I had dd1 at 30. I'm in a big city and a lot of the mums at the playground were just a bit older than me. I had dd2 at 33 and the mums then were either 5 years older or younger than me.

That's interesting zero but still think it bears out the study. Even though you were her young (early 20's and married) you still owned property. This is far from the norm in UK today. How did you have property in very early 20's -.I am guessing , if you had dcs in early 20's , say 24, you would have needed at least a couple of years to sort a wedding and buy and move into your home. Did you inherit by chance ? You don't have to answer this, just genuinely interested in the subject as this was DDs first year paper at uni, and I proof read it because despite being a statistical genius, can't spell for toffee .

Depends on the area. I am in SW London and most are my age or older. I am 41 and have a 7 and 9 year old. There are a few younger mums as well

I'm 32. I was probably the second youngest at my NHS antenatal class (8 couples) and the four couples in our NCT class are all around my age too, or older. So where I am 32 is about average to young for first time Mums.

Patchwork I'm another who was married and a home owner when I had my first at 25. We lived in the north west so house prices were not that bad and we both had good jobs, we didn't particularly save for a deposit as we already had enough savings between us. This was a few years ago and our first house only cost £33,500. It is a cheap area though, social housing is still easily available and because of that so is cheap private rentals. To this day we still haven't inherited anything all our parents are still with us.

32 is a very young mum in the part of the country I live in. Over 35 is very much the norm for first babies.

People look shocked/ disgusted when they learn what age I had my first (early 20s). I know of no parents in either of my school aged childrens classes that are anywhere near my age. It's always brought up on parent nights out to trills of 'I'm old enough to be your mother' hehehe 'you weren't around then where is' hahaha.
I hate it.

Whereismyfurryhat.

We could be the same person.

Not that it matters but I was married and made the decision to have a baby at 22. I'm now 29 and having my 2nd so I have a 6 year old and I would say 27 out of the 30 mums from our class are 35+.

They all pretty much look and talk to me like I'm a toddler except a few that are good friends.

I've even over the years had some of them try to ask my age 'oh my child says it's your birthday soon, how old will you be'?

Bullshit. It was November and my birthday is March.

I just ignore now. It doesn't help that I've got quite young parents and one of the mums went to school with my step dad!

Oh just caught up on the thread but about location and property.

I am in Essex and we owned our own home. DS is older then me though.

Oh god baby brain!!!

DH is older then me!

I'm going to give up trying to talk today!

My mum was over thirty when she had me, and was deeply offended when she spotted the term 'Elderly Primagravida' on her notes!

I was 30 when I had DD and will be 36 when I have this baby. I thought I'd trigger loads of extra maternal stuff being over 35 but apparently not, my midwife told me they do these things when you're nearer 40.

It's my weight that's triggering a few more hospital appointments. Exactly 30 BMI which is the starting point for a consultant appmt! I don't think I would have hit this if I'd had DD in my mid-20s

Anyhow, I'm about average age for a Y1 child at DD's school, there are some younger mums (mid-late 20s), but most my age, some older.

My mum was elderly primigravida at 27. I was told my age at 12 week scan (29) worked in my favour. I was the youngest mum in my DD's reception class. In DS's class there are maybe 2 or 3 mums younger than me and I was 32 when he was born.

I had DS days after I turned 28 and seemed to be the youngest on the hospital ward and am youngest at the groups we go to which contradicts what people would probably expect based on the area. It's older than we planned (4 mmc after getting married) so technically first should have been at 26.

Definitely classed as young amongst colleagues (accountant) and no other friends have babies yet but they all did start getting married last year ranging from 27 - 31 (same job).

You are not conisered an older mum at 32. The risk factors come in after 35, I would assume 35 and upwards is when in medical terms you are considered an older mum.

Around here (affluent London commuter belt only affordable for us because DH's job comes with a house) anything under thirty would be 'young'. I had my two at 31 and 34 and that puts me at the younger end of the spectrum. The cost of housing is a massive factor round here. Our tiny two bed terrace is worth around 450k . A decent sized family home isn't much short of a million