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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm being completely ridiculous - I don't want to go to work today :(

85 replies

Blueboatinghat · 02/02/2015 08:20

Oh this is so stupid.

I don't want to face my colleagues. And they are lovely. I am being ridiculously sensitive.

I have a first name that is featured in a song (please don't out me.) One lady SINGS every time someone says my name. It's so grating. I could cope with that but I used to have the piss ripped out of me as a child for my name and it makes me feel like that. I have to force myself to smile when actually I hate it. She is really lovely so I don't feel I can be sharp about it.

I'm constantly having well meaning ideas about my lunch, diet, exercise regime, nails, hair, face, body, life - being directed at me and I just want to cry. They do it to each other but it makes me feel "not good enough."

I try to avoid them but it's not always possible.

Sorry rant. Taking a deep breath ...

OP posts:
TanteRose · 02/02/2015 08:23

they don't sound very lovely Hmm

tell to shut the fuck up next she sings your name

TanteRose · 02/02/2015 08:24

tell her

TanteRose · 02/02/2015 08:24

next time

sorry..

beachyhead · 02/02/2015 08:24

They sound horrible....

TanteRose · 02/02/2015 08:25

I'm just so outraged on your behalf, I can't type properly Grin

and you really should say something

Stormingateacup · 02/02/2015 08:25

If she is lovely, then she will be mortified. Take her aside and tell her the truth and I'm sure she will be very apologetic.

Thumbcat · 02/02/2015 08:28

What teacup said. Just tell her quietly that you'd rather she didn't and if she's a nice person then that will be the end of it.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 02/02/2015 08:29

You say she's nice, well can you take her aside and explain that you were bullied at school for your name, and hearing that song makes it come flooding back? She might be embarrassed and stop instantly.

As far as the unnecessary advice goes I'm not sure you can do much apart from seeming bored when it starts!

MinceSpy · 02/02/2015 08:29

You have a problem with your self esteem not your colleagues. Lots of people have names that feature in songs. If you hate your name change it.
Your colleagues give each other and you tips on style and so on, it's normal work place chat. How would you feel if they left you out?

Make an appointment with your doctor and ask about some counselling.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 02/02/2015 08:30

Major crosspost!

TheSultanofPing · 02/02/2015 08:30

I agree with storm. She genuinely may not realise how much it bothers you. Have a quiet word with her.

ThisFenceIsComfy · 02/02/2015 08:32

Ignore the thinly veiled insults. Tell the woman to stop singing your name. Tell her it has started to become annoying. Care less about idiots and idiotic opinion.

Original poster
Blueboatinghat · 02/02/2015 08:34

I am skating on quite a thin line of acceptance anyway there (socially) - as the new girl and as someone very different to them, which isn't in any way my fault.

Think I will say something re the singing although it will alienate me further. But I can't stand it! I want to say "my name is X. You don't sing anybody else's name so what is it about X that is a problem for you?" But I wimp out!

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueboatinghat · 02/02/2015 08:35

'If you hate your name change it'

Hmm
OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 02/02/2015 08:35

Yabu, she's probably continuing this unintentionally because you are 'smiling' along. Speak up if you can't bear it. What's the point in sitting in misery when you can do something about it, even more silly to hate your workplace because you don't want to solve a problem that you can.

RainbowFlutterby · 02/02/2015 08:40

I'm sorry, but I agree with MinceSpy. You say you feel alienated, but it sounds to me like they are trying to include you.
Perhaps you need to look in to counselling of some sort to help deal with your self esteem. I did it (and CBT) and finally came off anti-depressants so it can work.

RabbitsarenotHares · 02/02/2015 09:24

OP I understand. Off the op of my head I can think of three fairly popular songs which include my name, and there are countless others of a different genre out there (no prizes for guessing my name!).

The worst time I had was when my school was nice enough to put on one of the musicals associated with my name. I had a term of continually being asked if I was going up for the main female role etc. I got so fed up. It came to a head in one Frnch class. I'd got up to sharpen a pencil, and my teacher started singing "my" song. I lost it and told him to "shut up!" (I'd never usually speak to the staff like that!), much to the amusement of the class. Luckily he just laughed.

In your shoes I'd have a word, and if she doesn't listen could your line manager say something?

TiedUpWithString · 02/02/2015 09:30

How about writing her a letter OP? Or ask her out for a drink after work or sandwich at lunchtime and talk to her about. Most people who are guilty of stuff like that have no idea they are causing offence and would be mortified to find out they were. She won't worry about thinking but you were smiling if you explain that you were just trying to be (typically British??) polite. Its worth doing something now before you flip out in a few months time and get that 'whats wrong with HER?' thing going on Grin.

strongandlong · 02/02/2015 09:41

I really sympathise. I have a name that features in an annoying playground song and occasionally people will sing it or make jokes referencing it. I would hate it if anyone starting singing it regularly.

I think you should say something, but "my name is X. You don't sing anybody else's name so what is it about X that is a problem for you?" is likely to put her on the defensive.

Something like "please don't sing that song - it bring back horrible memories of nasty kids at school" is fine.

She's probably trying to be friendly, but going about it in the wrong way Hmm

GertrudeBell · 02/02/2015 09:41

I don't think you need to be quite that stroppy about it! A simple "please don't do that, it really upsets me" should suffice.

LemonySmithit · 02/02/2015 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

losersaywhat · 02/02/2015 09:50

My daughters name is a Marillion song. I sing it to her to embarrass her, but that could be my singing that has that effect Grin like others have said she probably doesn't realise how uncomfortable it makes you.

TheWitTank · 02/02/2015 10:01

I think it's probably a well meant but misguided way of including you and making you feel welcome. Sometimes people just don't get it! I would probably just say with a smile 'oh god, please don't sing my name, people have always done it and it drives me crazy!'. It's friendly but getting your point across. As for the tips, if you don't like them just say 'oh that's not for me' or change the subject. It's probably the way they have always treated each other-i used to work in an overly close team and we talked about everything and anything, had squabbles like siblings and great laughs.

Original poster
Blueboatinghat · 02/02/2015 12:23

You are probably right but I feel defensive and rude - I wouldn't ever be. I don't think it's to draw me in though - more to single me out.

OP posts:
FightOrFlight · 02/02/2015 12:35

YABU

I also have a name that features in a couple of songs and very now and then people sing it thinking it's the first time I've heard this 'witty' reference. It doesn't really bother me though.

As has been said, speak to the woman and explain politely that it was used to bully you at school. I'm sure she will apologise and stop doing it.

Re: the advice from the others, you aren't being singled out as they give this advice to everyone. You need to stop thinking it's aimed at you or you'll end up with a persecution complex.

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