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AIBU?

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Original poster

I'm being completely ridiculous - I don't want to go to work today :(

85 replies

Blueboatinghat · 02/02/2015 08:20

Oh this is so stupid.

I don't want to face my colleagues. And they are lovely. I am being ridiculously sensitive.

I have a first name that is featured in a song (please don't out me.) One lady SINGS every time someone says my name. It's so grating. I could cope with that but I used to have the piss ripped out of me as a child for my name and it makes me feel like that. I have to force myself to smile when actually I hate it. She is really lovely so I don't feel I can be sharp about it.

I'm constantly having well meaning ideas about my lunch, diet, exercise regime, nails, hair, face, body, life - being directed at me and I just want to cry. They do it to each other but it makes me feel "not good enough."

I try to avoid them but it's not always possible.

Sorry rant. Taking a deep breath ...

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueboatinghat · 02/02/2015 12:51

I didn't say I was being singled out or bullied. I certainly don't have a persecution complex.

I just don't like it.

OP posts:
WiiUnfit · 02/02/2015 12:55

Op, next time she does it just say something like "Please don't sing my name every time you hear it, it's so embarrassing!"

Not aggressive / blunt / likely to put her on the defensive. Simple.

FightOrFlight · 02/02/2015 12:58

I didn't say I was being singled out or bullied

"but I used to have the piss ripped out of me as a child for my name"

That made it sound like bullying which is why people have used that term.

"I'm constantly having well meaning ideas about my lunch, diet, exercise regime, nails, hair, face, body, life - being directed at me and I just want to cry"

That made it sound as if you felt you were being singled out.

I certainly don't have a persecution complex.

I didn't say that you did, I said "You need to stop thinking it's aimed at you or you'll end up with a persecution complex."

If you just "don't like it" then WTF are you saying you don't want to go to work?! Drama queen much?

Original poster
Blueboatinghat · 02/02/2015 13:00

Also - can I try to explain.

My name is unusual. (It isn't a British name.)

The song that is sang to me is a song that features another different name with the same syllables. Say the song Eleanor Rigby being sung but substituting the name Rebecca Alton; 'Rebecca Alton; picks up the rice in the church ... etc.' It still makes sense and flows but is an entirely different name.

So my colleague has taken it upon herself to sing, loudly and theatrically, a song but has substituted 'my' name for the name in a song. Since my name is unusual it does sound like piss taking. Maybe it's nice piss taking and maybe it's not. I suspect I'm a joke to them: not horribly but just the same I don't want to be a joke.

My name is beautiful. It's unusual and I have hated it in the past for that reason but I'm certainly not going to change a name I've had for nearly thirty years because of some stupid singing!

But if you were sitting with Anne and Jane and Mary and Louise and it was just YOUR name being sung in a camp, theatrical, high pitched tone - would you not start to wonder what was going on?

OP posts:
Onceuponatimetherewas · 02/02/2015 13:02

I've had people singing "my song" as a form of bullying. I hope that's not the case here. I would simply say that it embarrasses you, and ask her to stop doing it.
With the hints on appearance etc, try to be assertive. Eg - I'm actually really happy with the way I look at the moment, not keen to change.

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 02/02/2015 13:04

I'm constantly having well meaning ideas about my lunch, diet, exercise regime, nails, hair, face, body, life - being directed at me and I just want to cry.

This is why I hate it when advice on here is to "subtley suggest" or "tactfully mention" something.

Anyhow OP, I always find it best to be fairly open about things. One ex-colleague on maybe her third day said "please don't be offended if I misinterpret things, I have difficulties with interaction". We hadn't actually noticed but going forwards it did help to be conscious of it. I'd suggest a similar tack here. Say "i know you're trying to be friendly but that song brings back horrid memories". it doesn't need confrontation or an explanation, just keep it simple, polite and friendly.

Original poster
Blueboatinghat · 02/02/2015 13:04

Fight, I was bullied as a child largely because of being 'different' and my name was part of this.

I don't 'just' not like it. It isn't just the name thing - as explained in my first post - it's having my lunch analysed, and my clothes laughed at and so on - but as regards the name, it means every time my name is said when this lady is present, my name is turned into a big joke. I don't like that.

And yes, I did feel I didn't want to go in today. I am having a hard time generally and silly singing and pulled faces and being laughed at is largely the icing on the cake.

I'm certainly not a drama queen. Pretty far from it as it happens. I've had a really tough trot of things lately and got on with it because well - you have to, don't you? This thread - a sound off, a rant - isn't being a drama queen.

OP posts:
FightOrFlight · 02/02/2015 13:08

"But if you were sitting with Anne and Jane and Mary and Louise and it was just YOUR name being sung in a camp, theatrical, high pitched tone - would you not start to wonder what was going on?"

No, I'd just tell them to stop as it's not funny Hmm

First of all she's singing a song that your name features in and now you're saying she's deliberately substituting your name into the song. Add in the 'camp, theatrical, high pitched' description and it all sounds a bit 'drip feedy'

Onceuponatimetherewas · 02/02/2015 13:09

I wouldn't mention that you've been bullied in the past or are sensitive about your name. If this is bullying, which I'm guessing it is, that will just spur them on. Simply ask them not to do it, and if they continue ask again more firmly, and if necessary then talk to your manager or HR as a last resort.

FightOrFlight · 02/02/2015 13:10

You didn't say anything about being laughed at in your OP, you said that you were being offered well meaning ideas about your lunch, clothes etc.

Original poster
Blueboatinghat · 02/02/2015 13:11

It isn't intended to be drip feedy; in conscious firstly of being identified and secondly obviously I didn't have very much time this morning.

Some songs - this one! - are just naturally theatrical and over the top.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueboatinghat · 02/02/2015 13:12

Yes - they mean well. They want me to be like them.

Why don't you try wearing it this way / doing this to your hair / eating this / doing that.

It is well-meaning; it doesn't stop the sub text being a little hurtful, unfortunately.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blueboatinghat · 02/02/2015 13:12

*I'm, not in - sorry

OP posts:
YoullLikeItNotaLot · 02/02/2015 13:13

Is anyone else feeling bad about singing "Jennifer Juniper", "Michelle, my belle" and "Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby" to people over the years or am I the only annoying idiot? Blush

RainbowFlutterby · 02/02/2015 13:16

Blueboatinghat

In your OP you stated that your name features in a song - now you're most recent post is saying that it's just a name with the same number of syllables.
Your OP says well meaning comments, now you are saying you're being laughed at. Confused

I'm sorry, but it really does seem to be a self esteem issue - not that you are being singled out.

WiiUnfit · 02/02/2015 13:17

YoullLikeIt, I can't help but sing "Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby!" every time I hear the name but oddly, I don't actually know any Ruby's. Confused

RainbowFlutterby · 02/02/2015 13:18

Major x-post Blush

flora717 · 02/02/2015 13:19

'Crikey. Still on that?'
'Oh come on. Again?!'
'Thanks for the flashbacks to primary school obsession with my name'
'Yeah, it's not working is it?'
'Not bored of that then?'
'you must have spent days coming up with that to need this much mileage out of it'.
Start nicely get blunter, get louder. They apparently suffer from the idea people need their 'wit'.

PavlovtheCat · 02/02/2015 13:20

OP, it sounds like bullying to me. Bullying is not so much about intent, but about how it makes you feel. You need to ask her to stop singing it. If she does not, or if you get ostracised for asking, then it can be construed as bullying behaviour imo.

PavlovtheCat · 02/02/2015 13:21

It doesn't sound to be like the OP has self esteem issues. It sounds like she is being bullied, even if it is subconsciously and she is trying to find a way of convincing herself it's not being bullied.

WiiUnfit · 02/02/2015 13:24

Possibly Pavlov, but it also sounds like the OP has made no attempt to explain to her "bullies" how much these comments / songs affect her. She's an adult (I assume) and can ask them to stop, several posters have suggested this and easy ways to do it without it becoming a confrontational situation, but it seems they've fallen on deaf ears.

IlikeCowboys · 02/02/2015 13:33

just leave.....it's a new job, move on - i've left place and people for a lot less - don't need the bloody hassle sometimes - there doesn't have to be a BIG reason to walk away

RiverTam · 02/02/2015 13:35

I agree that it's sounds like bullying, I certainly don't think she sounds like she's trying to include you.

I think all you can do is ask her to stop. I appreciate that you feel it could make things worse - but could it? Not wanting to go to work because of this is a pretty bad situation (I'm not blaming you - this woman sounds at best incredibly socially inept, at worst an out-and-out bully).

I think you have to say something and if the situation worsens go to your manager. BUt if you don't say something yourself first you can't really escalate it.

I appreciate it's easier said than done, I would hate to have that confrontation.

OnlyLovers · 02/02/2015 13:39

I wouldn't even bother with witty retorts or things like 'Crikey, still on that?'. Just say it straight, then there's no room for misinterpretation.

'Please don't sing that, I don't like it' (I don't think you need even mention the bullying –it's none of their business).

'I don't want to keep hearing suggestions about my hair/weight/nails, thanks.'

OnlyLovers · 02/02/2015 13:40

Oh, and Mince: 'If you hate your name change it.' Hmm

Have a word with yourself.

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