To have another baby when my first is autistic?

[PalominoPony]

I have one DS, who is 2, who has autism. We have been told that the chances of our next child (should we decide to have one) having autism is roughly 15-20%. (This is a general estimate, not specific to us - it is given on the basis of the number of autistic children in the UK with autistic siblings and they are not able to be more specific as doctors still don't know what causes autism.)

Do you think it would be unreasonable to have another child? Where would you draw the line? For example, for some couples, the chance of them having children with cystic fibrosis is 50%-50%, and I know I wouldn't take that chance. What is a reasonable chance to take when a child may be born with a severely disabling condition? 50%, 25%, less?

I love my DS dearly and would love another but am fully aware of the struggles he will face in life and I am wondering if it's fair to bring a child into the world when there is a significant chance of them being autistic?

Please give me your honest views!

Aussie mum my ds also has a rare chromosome disorder thought to have caused his ASD and learning difficulties his genetic testing was the microarray blood test which shows he has a microdeletion on his sixteenth chromosome this disorder can be inherited from a parent or just something that occurs on conception myself and dh have been tested and neither of us carry the deletion so it occurred on conceptipn

aussiemum, we were looking for answers why Dd is so different (severe asd, LD etc). No family history and we were toying with the idea of another child.

Paed referred us to genetics who did microarray testing on Dd. They found s deletion (very rare, less than 20 cases known) which is associated with Asd. So they tested me and DP and we don't carry this deletion.So Dd's deletion must have been a random new mutation when we conceived her.

www.autismspeaks.org/science/research-initiatives/environmental-factors-autism-initiative

This is an informative website.

Perhaps

I have 3 boys, oldest DS is mildly autistic, DS2 was already 1 when he was diagnosed, and DS3 was an, ahem, 'happy accident.' Neither DS 2 & 3 are autistic, and DS1 and 2 play (usually!) very nicely together.
I wouldn't be without any of them.
It's up to you OP, I guess you can say there are all sorts of risks with every pregnancy/baby.
Hope these comments help.

Cant add anything just wanted to empathise.

I think decisions like this will become a bit clearr for the next generation with cheaper and easier gene testing,might make statistics more personalised etc.but obviously not now.

Girls are less likely to be autistic and when they do have hfa/aspergers it is often more hidden as is easier for them to blend into society than boys. So one option is to try some of the conception techniques that would increase the chance of you having a dd. (Although some of these are a bit 'old wives tales' rather than scientific)

I think decisions like this will become a bit clearr for the next generation with cheaper and easier gene testing,might make statistics more personalised etc.but obviously not now.

Rox a valid opinion, but when genes are altered not only in conception but via toxins in pregnancy gene testing would have to be done continuously throughout pregnancy.

I hope the future involves more epidemiological research where the food intake/additives, air pollution and other environmental factors children are exposed to in pregnancy are fully reported and accounted for.

"Girls are less likely to be autistic and when they do have hfa/aspergers it is often more hidden as is easier for them to blend into society than boys." This is very similar to what I was taught in my first Autism class in 1999 ish. But then they said that girls seemed to be much worse affected.

In fact girls are less likely to be spotted, and a significant number have issues as teens/adults as they can't understand why the rest of the world is so different to them.

My DD has classic autism

Yes, my brother is autistic but that's not going to stop him or me. All I know is I'm right behind him whatever he does and I think his life is really enhanced by me but then mine is too by him. mytartanscarf

Lovely

I haven't had time to read all the responses but I would say go for it.

You are still at a very early stage in terms of getting your head around everything. It will get easier. Much more than you know. The first few years are the hardest.

You might regret it if you don't. I know you might regret it if you do, but the odds of that are smaller.

Good luck!

A very old post but a similar situation to me - OP what did you end up doing ? Did you go for another baby ?

I know an adult who is high functioning ASD and their younger sibling isn't (or at least it's not obvious enough for them to be assessed). In fact, I've wondered whether one of the parents may have traits, but again, this would be high functioning. As a child I don't think he was thought to be high functioning (but perhaps they've got better with assessing this now) but he's now married, has a good job, a home, has a child of his own. Only mentioning that as a PP said about whether they are high or low functioning to help with the decision. I know he was a handful growing up, but no experience of my own to know what that really involved! I would have another personally, but I haven't been in your shoes bringing up an ASD child.

Oh just realised this is a resurrected thread!

I have a very large family . We have multiple medical conditions (most genetic so we knew that it was likely some/all of dc would have them). Plus 6 have ASD and 3 of those have adhd too.
Also have a couple of other non genetic issues that were just bad luck.

i wouldn’t change things for the world I feel exhausted yes but privileged to have the children I do. Everything takes longer and goals are harder to achieve but we get there.

It really depends on the level of care your first child needs and will need in the future OP. Autism really varies. Will parenting be a pleasant experience if he is incredibly high needs and you also have another child who needs you (who may or may not have SN too)

I myself am autistic, the condition I have is genetic and is inherited from my mother (she's never been formally diagnosed due to being older but has all the traits I do). I have two siblings who are not autistic.
Being autistic does make life more difficult/complicated especially when I was at school and other children knew I was different. I struggled for a lot of years with bullying and anxiety this caused. Now, 10 years on from leaving school my life is amazing. Got my degree, good job, nice house, wonderful husband and currently expecting my first child.
When we were TTC I told my husband that there was a chance that a child we had could end up like me and he said he didn't care because there's nothing wrong with me. This is how I look at things, I don't want my child to be autistic like me but if they are I'll be prepared and will know how to prepare them for life/fight their corner.
It does really depend on how autism affects your first child whether you could cope with the same or worse again. Either way an autistic child is still a child and you shouldn't look at it as a negative. Like I say, there's nothing wrong with me I just see the world a bit differently.

Thanks , I always appreciate insight from some one in on the spectrum . My dds is 5 and I would say he has “mild” autism but I worry over how he will handle life as he gets older , as any parent does , but with the additional worry of having an SN child . He is very active and can be stressful when he bolts but he is beautiful and cheeky ! My hesitation is if another hold would have more severe autism and although I would accept what will be will be , the ultimate question is am I being selfish by exposing that unknown risk to my unborn child ( I am 6 weeks pregnant, not planned ) and take any time and energy needed by my dds as well as my eldest dd ( not on the spectrum ).

There are various presentations of autism. I'm an autistic adult. I hold down a full time job and am studying for a master's degree. It does not necessarily mean a life less full and valuable, although I would say my autism has caused significant struggles (they do not diagnose it if you are not substantially negatively affected by your traits)

You could also have a child who is more severely disabled by autism (or something else), so there's the practical considerations of what that would mean for your family.

I suppose it comes down to whether you are OK with either outcome. You sound like a good and thoughtful parent who will love all your children no matter what. I definitely valued getting to grow up with a sibling (who reckons he is also autistic but doesn't see a need to have it investigated). But we're both of the weird-but-functioning type so not representative of all.

Thanks so much for this timely post.
It all applies to our oldest too.
He is currently finding young adulthood very hard (it's the contrast with others his age), which in turn has made things difficult for his younger sibling, and it's so good to be able to reflect on the positives.

How autistic is your first? Would a second be left responsible for them when you die? If the answer is yes, then no, not a chance I'd have another.

I can only go on the experience of my friend who was NT but lived in the shadow of her brothers autism. Personally I don't think I would have another in your shoes , particularly as even if they were both autistic they could still have very different needs. Bit as long as you and your dh are on the sane page and are fully committed to your decision, whatever you decide will be for the best.