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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

How can I stop crying.

68 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 31/01/2015 19:00

Thursday night I took an overdose, as a result I have been in hospital and got discharged this morning.

From the medical side I am ok, but my MH is all over the place.

I feel really rubbish about myself, by over dosing to try and kill myself I know mad a bad situation worse. The hospital has referred me to SS and I was threatened that if I left the hospital the police would be involved.

I'm feel really down atm, I can stop crying and can't face people. I can't look at my DC or DH because I feel so guilty. They didn't desrve all of this.

I am such a crap mother and wife.

It's taken me an hour to write this so sorry if it don't make sense.

OP posts:
MrsWolowitz · 31/01/2015 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlerieVelaryon · 31/01/2015 19:09

Have you a crisis line number that you can ring- please talk to someone in RL if you can.

You are NOT a bad person- you are ill and need support. I hope you find it. Flowers All things pass- you will feel different hopefully soon. Sending hugs + + +

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 31/01/2015 19:10

Atm I feel sick and can't stop shaking. I have a headache but to scared to take anymore tablets.

Got an emergency gp appointment for the gp. God knows what for but the physioloist made the appointment.

I'm scared what if I do this again.

OP posts:
ScrumpyBetty · 31/01/2015 19:12

You're not crap. You sound as though you are struggling.

Is there anyone you can talk to for now? A good friend, or your mum? The Samaritans are fab, for a non- judgemental confidential listening ear, they are open 24 hours a day, please give them a call 08457 909090

Please be nice to yourself. Can you do one nice thing for yourself a day? Have a hot bubble bath? A short walk in the fresh air? Watch a chick-flick? Sometimes doing something positive can make a big difference, aim for one thing a day of you can.

holeinmyheart · 31/01/2015 19:16

You poor vulnerable human being, because that is what you are. You are nor awful, you are in pain and hurting from all directions.
Now what?
Believe me Pain and sorrow and lack of self esteem, isn't all life is about. You need to stay alive because you CAN recover from this.
A day at a time and inch by inch. Imagine depression is like a serious of slippy steps in a dark tunnel. They lead to light and on occasion you can see it. However, it is a long slow process to feel better. Every time something positive happens to you, you move up. Meds are really important and you need to take them without fail.
There are other tools to help, such as CBT and counselling and Mindful. Please use them so they make you realise how valuable and worthwhile you are.
I soo hope you get the help you need and find some piece of mind. Hugs!

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 31/01/2015 19:16

The hospital give me a list of numbers I can ring, but atm I can't talk.

DH is being fantastic, I'm in bed with Netflix on.

OP posts:
ScrumpyBetty · 31/01/2015 19:18

Glad to hear it. Stay warm. Be kind to yourself. One day at a time.
People care about you.

Quitelikely · 31/01/2015 19:20

Yyy to what hole said.

Do you want to talk about what made you do it? Do you have a diagnosis of any sort?

Keep talking. MN is great for support

AlerieVelaryon · 31/01/2015 19:22

Could DH ring one of your numbers to say that you are in distress? Agree with the need to be kind to yourself. I am rooting for you.

RaisingMen · 31/01/2015 19:23

You are not crap sweetheart, you have an illness.

Do you want to talk some more? We're all listening if you do x

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 31/01/2015 19:33

I can't think straight atm, I don't know what going on in my head.

OP posts:
engeika · 31/01/2015 19:40

Try not to think.

You are ill. You are not a bad wife and mother. You will get better.

Stay warm and safe at home.

Chocolatefudgebrownieicecream · 31/01/2015 19:42

Oh you are not awful. If you think you want to do it again just contact someone, or even post on here. Your DH doesn't think you are awful. Your dc need you.
You will get through this.
Mental illness is an illness, just like a physical illness. You need treatment. You are still you. You are not awful.
Love your name by the way, it's prompted me to get a piece of choc orange and its delicious, thanks for the prompt!

DoJo · 31/01/2015 19:43

I'm so sorry - I have no practical advice to offer but I just wanted to say that there's nothing wrong with feeling scared, and I think most of us what if we were facing what you are. But you have people on your side, people who care and will help you if you let them so don't try and do it all on your own. Your GP is a good place to start and if you feel you can't talk at the moment writing down your feelings here (and possibly for your GP if that would help) is a great idea.

lemisscared · 31/01/2015 19:44

When will you see someone? You poor thing :( What prompted you to do this?

SweetPeaSoup · 31/01/2015 19:47

It's not your fault - you are ill, not bad, and all you have to do right now is hang on in there. Good advice from others regarding help lines, but if you can't talk right now, that's okay too.

Netflix and bed sound good, and I'm glad that your DH is looking after you. I know it's horrible when you can't turn your internal monologue off, but nothing is going to happen to you, and things will get better. Flowers for a deserving lady xx

whothehellknows · 31/01/2015 19:49

OP, I've been there. It really does get better. Have you been to your GP about it in the past? They will be able to refer you on for support/therapy (these can help you think through your problems and cope without despair) and possibly AD's to help keep you afloat in the meantime.

Don't waste your time feeling guilty about it. You did what you felt you had to do at the time, and it sounds like you would have had trouble even communicating how bad things were to get help. At least this way you can move forward.

Sure your DH & DC didn't "deserve" this, but then neither did you. You can find a way through it together and come out stronger on the other end.

SummerHouse · 31/01/2015 19:55

Right you are in bed with Netflix. Perhaps a feel good film? I hope this does not sound pathetic in the light of what you're going through but its the only practical advice I have. If it helps one iota then that's something. I am wracking my brain for a good suggestion... The holiday with Cameron Diaz is good and easy to watch. Flowers

MNHQ
TheOnlyOliviaMumsnet · 31/01/2015 19:55

Hi there OP
So sorry to read about this - we have an incredibly supportive MH section here, with web guide
Please do let us know if you'd like us to move this there. Really not sure AIBU is the right place for this.
Be kind to yourself
Very best
MNHQ

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 31/01/2015 19:56

Got a gp appointment Monday that I have to attend, the gp has got to ring the hospital to say I attended

OP posts:
headlesslambrini · 31/01/2015 19:57

When I have felt like this I found it helped to write things down. Just my own thoughts, no one else to read them unless I wanted them to. It helped me to see what I needed to change, helped to get my thoughts in order when they were all over the place.

You only have to admit that you are ill, at the moment. You also asked how to stop crying - get some sleep. Again, this might only be something which helps me, but everything seems a lot worse when you are tired on top of everything else. Have some quiet time, I'm sure your DH will help you with this.

Take care, be kind to yourself. If you had the flu, you would need time to recover, this is the same. Dont expect to feel better by this time next week, it will take time.

Tisnemo · 31/01/2015 20:03

You poor love, please be kind to yourself. You are not a crap mum or a crap person, you are poorly and need treatment like any illness does. Take one day at a time and it will get easier. I understand that you can't talk right now-when I am at my lowest I physically and mentally can't bring myself to do it. But when you are ready to talk, there are people who can help. Take care and best wishes.

SuggestmeaUsername · 31/01/2015 20:04

Don't be hard on yourself Piper. You are not a bad mother or wife. You are not well and need lots of help to get through this traumatic time. Your husband and children love you and are concerned for you. Have a big cuddle with your husband and children and have a cry on your husband's shoulder and let him care for you and help you get better.

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 31/01/2015 20:15

MNHQ don't worry I'm not suicidal. Just feel low.

I don't have the energy to get out of bed.

OP posts:
awfulomission · 31/01/2015 20:19

Piper you are poorly, not crap.

I suffer depression and anxiety. I have done to varying degrees for as long as I can remember.

Let your DH care for you. You are worth every cup of tea, every hug, every loving word.

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