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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To work to a totally different routine than my dsil asked for my baby nephew?

106 replies

wallyfrog · 31/01/2015 17:38

My db and dsil have gone away for the weekend and left their ds with me, his auntie. I have 3 children, all older. We have a very busy house... 3 kids all over 7 but not teens, 2 dogs, 1 cat and 1 rabbit, I do 2 jobs and life is chaotic in a loud but fun way.

Dn is 14 months old. Lovely. He doesn't spend much time with me. He doesn't spend much time with anybody. He has no siblings. He lives a very quiet life in terms of level of noise and what he actually does each day.

My db and dsil watch TV with the subtitles on and don't flush if dn is asleep. Both of them have brought him up to live on a Spanish routine, in that he wakes at 9, has breakfast at 9.30, snack at 11.30, lunch at 1.30, siesta from 3-5, dinner at 7.30 and bed at 9.30.

I have no problem with that routine at all. Each to their own and he is thriving and very happy. However, I have brought my children on a traditional 1970s English routine. Up at 6.30, breakfast at 7, lunch at 12.30, dinner at 5.30 and bed at 6.30-7. My dh and I like an evening to ourselves and they have to get up early for school anyway.

When I willingly agreed to babysit for the weekend, I hadn't realised that they would want me to follow their routine. I've had written notes, with the times in different colour and under lined bits.

Now I know that it is for my benefit so that if my nephew gets upset I can know what may be wrong by looking at the clock etc. But I can't really follow 2 routines, it is quite difficult with so many other pressures/people. So I have kind of ignored all notes and done everything to my families routine. He seems okay with it.

Perhaps I will 'pay' tonight. AIBU?

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 31/01/2015 17:41

Watching TV with the subtitles on is the most tragic, martyrish thing I've ever seen on mumsnet. He will be fine but I'll be looking out for your sil's thread complaining about Her DSs routine being broken!!

theeternalstudent · 31/01/2015 17:41

I think it's fine to do your own thing.
When they return, if asked, I might just let a little white lie slip out and assure them that you followed their routine to the letter. If you're good enough to look after your nephew then they need to trust you on how you do it!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 31/01/2015 17:43

My db and dsil watch TV with the subtitles on and don't flush if dn is asleep

Grin hilarious!

Do your own thing wally

Coconutty · 31/01/2015 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyLuck10 · 31/01/2015 17:45

Yanbu, they seem like really overbearing people. Just go according to your own routine and he will adapt. When I've had kids stay at mine, as long as they were fed, slept well and safe that's all that matters.
Actually it was rude of them to give you a list of what to do when you're doing them a favour.

blendedfamilygrinch · 31/01/2015 17:47

I think it's strange you don't seem to have had a conversation about it. Dn will either be fine & go with the flow, or possibly get overtired about now, fall asleep & then have a rubbish night.
I remember being obsessive about timings with pfb, much less so with dc2...

flora717 · 31/01/2015 17:47

It's fine if he's managing. He sounds very flexible, which is great really. Praise how well he managed in such a different house. There shouldn't be any complaints if he's a happy chap! It's your house, it's free childcare. It sounds as though it's working all round!

NoArmaniNoPunani · 31/01/2015 17:47

YANBU. I wonder why they've chosen a routine that won't fit in with nursery/school when the time comes.

WorraLiberty · 31/01/2015 17:49

YANBU the baby will be fine

But do you really send your over 7yr olds to bed at 6.30-7??

FluffyRedSocks · 31/01/2015 17:52

I speak as someone with a 2yo and a 6mo, I'd be angry if their routines were broken on purpose

however

If you happened to mention that your lot were being noisy at 6am and then he woke up and wanted food like everyone else, wouldn't settle for a nap so just had some quiet time on the sofa instead, and therefore crashed really early.. I'd be more forgiving.....

juneau · 31/01/2015 17:52

If you're looking after him I think its fair enough that he has to fit in with the way your already busy house runs. After all, you're doing them a favour and you're not harming him in any way - just doing things the way they're done in your house. As for the not flushing or watching TV - oh please! I do hope they lighten up a bit for this poor DC's sake.

Original poster
wallyfrog · 31/01/2015 17:54

Dsil thinks that the British way is odd because children get up so early and parents complain about lack of sleep and having to get up early. She likes children being around in the evening so parents can go out and take the children with them. Children eat late too. She is from Spain so is used to warm sunny and light evenings.

She won't be the only parent who's child starts school at 4 and is shattered because of lack of sleep.

OP posts:
Altinkum · 31/01/2015 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OwlBeGoing · 31/01/2015 17:57

I would stick with their timetable. After all you only have your DN for a weekend. If you got him out of sync how long will it take them to get him back on track. I would be immensely pissed off if I had given you a plan and you'd disregarded it.
I say this as someone who has no routine and goes with the flow.

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/01/2015 17:57

I'd not purposefully change anything. However I'd no take my kids not flush toilets or watch TV if he was asleep. that would be tough crap tbh.

I'd do my best to stick to what I could but of he woke up due to general noise or life I'd feed him with yours and send to bed at same time if he was tired.

yiu can't be expected to cater for a routine so far out of what you do so your cooking at different times and can't watch TV

gabsdot45 · 31/01/2015 17:59

follow the baby's routine. It's only for the weekend after all. What's the big deal

TeddyBee · 31/01/2015 18:01

We do a Spanish timetable? How fabulous! I thought I was just lazy :)

fromparistoberlin73 · 31/01/2015 18:05

He is 14 months not 14 weeks so I can't see one weekend of minor change doing much . My kids have a Spanish routine too and it does not impress my Brit family either Grin

Original poster
wallyfrog · 31/01/2015 18:05

Teddybee I am pleased you have a new excuse.

I like the Spanish way and if I were in a warm and sunny climate where it was light till 10 I would be tempted to keep all mine up too. In the summer we stay up later.

My children age 11 - bed at 8, age 9 bed at 8 age 7 bed at 7.30. So no I am getting later. But when they were 14 months like my nephew they went to bed at 6.30 sometimes even earlier.

My dh was seriously pissed off when he realised he wasn't going to get his evenings to himself to watch something inappropriate for a toddler!

OP posts:
TarkaTheOtter · 31/01/2015 18:07

If the baby is happy, what does it matter. If someone wanted to look after my 13m old for a weekend it wouldn't bother me in the slightest what time he eats or went to bed so long as he wasn't upset by it. He'll either adapt or let them know his displeasure.
I doubt it will f up his routine once back at home. We've travelled a lot with ours and they've always been fine with changes in timezone then back to normal once home.

Pico2 · 31/01/2015 18:10

I think you'll struggle to get him to sleep 2 hours earlier than normal. But it's fine to try.

SugarOnTop · 31/01/2015 18:11

remind your sil she does NOT live in spain therefore she needs to acclimatise her dc to the british standard - otherwise she is doing him a massive disservice and her son will be paying for it when he starts nursery/school.......

Mumtotherescueagain · 31/01/2015 18:17

I think you're wrong. He's not your child and you've deliberately ignored his parents' wishes because you think you know better. I hope you won't be bothered if they never ask you to babysit again. Why should they when you don't respect them as parents?

The child is 14 months old, he's YEARS away from being at school. Perhaps they intend to move to Spain in any case then?

WorraLiberty · 31/01/2015 18:19

My MIL is Spanish and I've never heard of this 'Spanish routine'

Then again, her and her 3 sisters were all WOHMs, so they couldn't have let their babies get up at 9am, as they would have been starting work around that time.

WorraLiberty · 31/01/2015 18:22

The OP hasn't changed the routine because she thinks she knows better

She's changing it because she has 3 children of her own and so it's easier.

I don't think a weekend out of routine is going to do the baby any harm at all, considering all the other changes anyway...like being away from parents, sleeping in a different house, being around other children.

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