to be this angry when nothing bad actually happened?

[EbonyIck]

DS3 is 7 and attends a specialist school (no disabilities/he is not especially vulnerable), which is close-ish to DH's work, a 45-minute train journey (very easy journey as school and home are a five-min walk from relevant stations), from home. It's a 20 minute drive but I can't drive due to a medical condition.

Either I or DH will take him depending on DH's schedule (morning meetings etc), and DH almost always collects him as it's a faff for me to get there and collect other DCs from their school. DS3 attends the after-school programme and the latest he can be collected is 6.30pm. Most people in DH's office (and DH), work 8-4 or 5pm

Yesterday around 4.30 DH let me know he was going for a quick drink with work people, I offered to go and collect DS3, he said no, the drinks were near the station and his friends needed to leave by 5.45 to make their train.

I called him at 5.30 to make sure everything was okay, it was, and asked him to call me when he and DS3 were at the station so I could get dinner on.

He rang me at 6.30ish with DS3, he sounded a bit 'merry' but okay. So I was expecting them at 7.15pm.

I texted a couple of times and got no response so called at 7pm making sure they were on time (cooking fish). DS3 answered and said "Daddy's fallen asleep". I asked what station they were at and he didn't know. I said to wake Daddy up, DS3 said "I can't, he's lying down".

I went down to the station still on the phone to DS3, expecting to have to check every train for DH and DS3 (wasn't sure which they'd be on, they come every 3-5 minutes), ask staff to hold the train while I did, pretty frantic as I'm sure you can imagine.

On my way DH took over the phone having been woken up by DS3 pushing him. They got off the train at the right stop and I met them at the station.

DH was absolutely HAMMERED. Incoherent. Haven't seen him like that in years. Just about dragged him home and put him to bed.

DS3 was fine, he'd been reading and playing on the phone, didn't seem too bothered. I fed the DCs and got them to bed and seethed all night.

This morning when DH woke up I laid into him and he was contrite, said he hadn't eaten and was really sorry. He made a joke about waking up with DS3 at the airport (which is the end of the line). I said it was no laughing matter, what if school or someone on the train had called SS, what if someone had snatched DS or stolen something. He accepted my points but seemed to think it was more funny than anything.

He and DS2 are out for the day and I'm just working myself up more and more. AIBU to be this angry? I am FURIOUS and keep going over it my head. But I'm not sure what I can do that's productive other than always collect DS3 if DH is doing something after work.

Not all schools hand over f2f. In my school, the children are brought out to the lower playground and wave to the parents waiting in the upper playground. They are then released by the teacher. At that distance it would be very hard to tell if a parent had been drinking.

I'm amazed and saddened that no one on the train intervened.

OP, you are not overreacting, I would be having further, serious conversations with your DH. And don't cover up for him either.

froggio it is only an offense if the child is under 7... www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/Edw7/2/28

YANBU doesn't matter that nothing bad happened IMO. Really awful of him

I would be bloody fuming if DH was in charge of my child AT HOME in that state let alone anywhere else.
Luckily nothing happened but that is hardly the point, it's totally irresponsible

OK, it is understandable that you are angry and it is extremely fortunate that nothing happened. It is actually an offence to be intoxicated in charge of a child (although there may be an age limit. The law applies to certain locations such as public places and licensed premises - so the seriousness is recognised.

He needs to apologise to you both and promise it will never happen again. If someone had informed the police he could now be facing a charge. Putting the boy in a potentially dangerous situation is the most serious part of this but it might bring it home properly to your H to remind him about the law. It was clearly all about him and not your son. How will he feel if your son recounts the story to friends and other family members?

Try (hard, I know) to talk very firmly, calmly and seriously to him. You will grow calmer but not today.

Forget how much the OP's husband had to drink for a minute and picture your 7 year old son sat on a train, next to their dad who isn't responsive wondering when and how they'll get off the train.

I just can't imagine my 7 year old in this situation and if I saw another young boy with his dad passed out lying down asleep on the train and be thinking about it all night

OMG, YAsooooNBU!!
I can't believe he's trying to brush it off as "no big deal" - it really isn't!
He's lucky - that's all - and he needs to fucking realise it, because otherwise there is the risk he will do it again, and next time he might not BE so lucky.

As an aside, the angriest I ever was with DH was when I was about 39w pg with our first child, and he went out to a party (I didn't feel like going) with his cousin, then went back to his cousin's house and carried on drinking. He was due back around 10pm - he got back at 1:30 and was utterly fucking bladdered. I had a full-on Death Stare going - he couldn't understand why - his "thought" process was that if I did go into labour, he could always get his uncle to drive me to the hospital. Hadn't occurred to him what would happen next, i.e. who would stay with me through labour!!
When I hammered the point home, he apologised profusely and was really embarrassed and sorry about being such an almighty twat.

As it turned out, I went another 3 weeks and had to be induced, but that wasn't the point - and the fact that nothing bad happened to your DS, and that your "D"H woke up in time to get off at the right stop, is equally not the point and he really ought to realise that!!

The offence of being drunk in charge of a child appears to be for a child who is, or appears to be, under the age of 7 - but it's an offence to be that drunk in public anyway and he could have been charged just for that! (Although I don't suppose the police have the time or resources to charge that many people who are that drunk - he wasn't being disorderly, after all)

I agree it's not the point that nothing bad happened.

What did happen is, as others have said, a small boy was effectively travelling alone. I'm sure he must have been worried as a minimum, and probably more.

And if the OP accepts an apology now, when the DH is still minimising what happened, treating it as a joke, then it's likely to happen again sometime.

He needs to face up to exactly what happened and realise he put his son in danger. No one else. Him.

OP here. Thanks so much all.

Had long talk with DH about it last night, he said all the right things and was sincere. He says the joking was to keep it light in front of the DCs and he totally accepts it was a really bad thing.

He is going to take DS3 in to school tomorrow so if a member of staff wants to approach him they can. We also had a chat with all the DCs going over the 'if you are separated from us' rules given we take trains a lot and one of the things another poster raised was DS maybe getting off the train by himself

Really helped to get my thoughts together and to be reassured I wasn't being U. Could barely look at DH yesterday, he slept in DC's room, but feel calmer today.

OP, that sounds like you've had a good talk. Hope your DS wasn't too upset.

I'd fucking kill him. YANBU