to be this angry when nothing bad actually happened?

[EbonyIck]

DS3 is 7 and attends a specialist school (no disabilities/he is not especially vulnerable), which is close-ish to DH's work, a 45-minute train journey (very easy journey as school and home are a five-min walk from relevant stations), from home. It's a 20 minute drive but I can't drive due to a medical condition.

Either I or DH will take him depending on DH's schedule (morning meetings etc), and DH almost always collects him as it's a faff for me to get there and collect other DCs from their school. DS3 attends the after-school programme and the latest he can be collected is 6.30pm. Most people in DH's office (and DH), work 8-4 or 5pm

Yesterday around 4.30 DH let me know he was going for a quick drink with work people, I offered to go and collect DS3, he said no, the drinks were near the station and his friends needed to leave by 5.45 to make their train.

I called him at 5.30 to make sure everything was okay, it was, and asked him to call me when he and DS3 were at the station so I could get dinner on.

He rang me at 6.30ish with DS3, he sounded a bit 'merry' but okay. So I was expecting them at 7.15pm.

I texted a couple of times and got no response so called at 7pm making sure they were on time (cooking fish). DS3 answered and said "Daddy's fallen asleep". I asked what station they were at and he didn't know. I said to wake Daddy up, DS3 said "I can't, he's lying down".

I went down to the station still on the phone to DS3, expecting to have to check every train for DH and DS3 (wasn't sure which they'd be on, they come every 3-5 minutes), ask staff to hold the train while I did, pretty frantic as I'm sure you can imagine.

On my way DH took over the phone having been woken up by DS3 pushing him. They got off the train at the right stop and I met them at the station.

DH was absolutely HAMMERED. Incoherent. Haven't seen him like that in years. Just about dragged him home and put him to bed.

DS3 was fine, he'd been reading and playing on the phone, didn't seem too bothered. I fed the DCs and got them to bed and seethed all night.

This morning when DH woke up I laid into him and he was contrite, said he hadn't eaten and was really sorry. He made a joke about waking up with DS3 at the airport (which is the end of the line). I said it was no laughing matter, what if school or someone on the train had called SS, what if someone had snatched DS or stolen something. He accepted my points but seemed to think it was more funny than anything.

He and DS2 are out for the day and I'm just working myself up more and more. AIBU to be this angry? I am FURIOUS and keep going over it my head. But I'm not sure what I can do that's productive other than always collect DS3 if DH is doing something after work.

Personally, the bit that would bother me the most is that he is trying to make a joke of it now.

I mean, I could believe he didn't intend to end up like that. But the fact that he doesn't feel bad for making his 7 year old look after him on a train...well words fail me.

I feel sorry for your DS. He may be putting a brave face on it, and if its his usual way home then I guess he was familiar with it, but not being able to wake your parent must be very scary, and worrying about getting off at the right stop etc. I would hate to think of my child in that situation.

As for the school, they probably didn't know he was that drunk if it hadn't hit him at that point. My DCs school release the DCs in the playground, sometimes DD meets me at the gate, so the teacher has seen me, but only from a distance.

It's fine for you to be angry. YANBU. However - your DH knows he fucked up and as you said yourself you haven't seen him like that in years. That suggests it's obviously not a pattern that needs to be addressed. I wonder if there's anything you can say to him that he hasn't already said to himself?

Don't get me wrong, I'd be fuming too, but mostly out of the stress associated with the what-ifs. Face to face with DH I'd probably just have a conversation in which he does most of the talking and comes to the obvious conclusion... Bad move, won't do that again.

They can't withold a child from a parent until the other parent arrives.

Being drunk in charge of a child is a criminal offence. It's still prosecuted as one of my recent cases can testify

So no, you aren't being unreasonable. I would be contemplating the future if DH was incoherently drunk in charge of DD at home, let alone a child attending a specialist school.

He accepted my points but seemed to think it was more funny than anything.

WTF !

I'll be surprised if the school don't report him to SS if he was that drunk.

Bloody awful dangerous behaviour. I'm shocked he's minimised it.

Fucking hell. I would be livid.

I am at his lack of responsibility or remorse.

I love a good drinking session. I would never, ever collect my child from school after having more than one drink, I'd be ashamed. YANBU, he has behaved like a dick.

I believe that a school can certainly withhold a child from a parent if they think parent is drunk, BMO. In fact I know a case where that has happened!!

Legally they absolutely shouldn't. Only the police have powers to remove children from parents with PR.

Look, it doesn't matter to your 7 year old if it was 3 small glasses and a g&t or a full bottle and a double g&t.

What matters is he has to deal with his hammered father picking him up from school and then have to get through trying to wake him on a train full of strangers.

That's really scary, too much for a 7 year old. I'm so sad for your son, he must've been so panicked and confused.

Your h needs to apologise to him and assure him it'll never, ever happen again

But the Op said he sounded Ok when he rand her from the station AFTER he had picked up the child from school.
People have some weird ideas about schools!Children belong to their parents not the school, school can't refuse to hand them over!!

Very unlikely that a school would be criticised for refusing to hand over a child to a drunk parent. The school have a duty of care and i think they would be considered to have failed in such duty were they to do so.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2240566/Drunken-single-mother-bites-WPC-teachers-refused-let-collect-children-school-club.html

I think you're mostly upset because he's refusing to acknowledge just how big a deal this is - which makes your trust in him to do what's best just vanish.

Ultimately your husband abandoned your son at the train station. He left him completely alone to fend for himself and protect himself and his father from danger.

It's luck, nothing more, that everything ended up okay. It's not because of anything your H did. It's because his 7 y/o son had to shake his dad awake. How is he not incredibly embarrassed to have been lying there with his son trying to rouse his father? How does he not realise how awful that is? Your son wouldn't have been able to help so he was left feeling helpless.

Ultimately your son is okay. But now you have to decide what to do for the future. You can't trust your husband so you have to change what you would normally do because he has risked his own safety as well as your son.

Agree that your husband needs to apologise to your son. Tell him how wrong that was and tell him it will never ever happen again. He needs to abstain from drinking around your children so that they never worry that he'll be like that again. I'm not implying he has a drinking problem, but he's shown them that alcohol = daddy won't wake up so he needs to remove alcohol from their life.

That'll have been 10 units!

Of course that'll have made him drunk!

It is a child protection issue. If he'd got 'caught' your family would be assessed.

Is this a complete one off? Has he ever had an alcohol problem or endangered the dc's before?

Why are people getting do hung up about what he said he drank and whether it would make someone drunk or not?

I think it is quite likely the OP's H has down played just how much he did drink in order to minimise the trouble he's already in!

It's easier to try and pull yourself together to sound reasonably sober for a phone call you're expecting to make - less easy to cover up drunkness when roused from a deep sleep...

The OP's H is completely out of order.

Not sure what you can do OP. I think the person who suggested asking your H if he would be happy for your DS to travel home alone would be a good idea, as hopefully it will make him see that that is effectively what happened - your DS travelled home alone. Your DH would have been incapable of protecting him from anything bad happening if he couldn't even be woken up.

Funny story if had been a single man, not funny when looking after a child. What sort of a role model is that?!?!?!

that is effectively what happened - your DS travelled home alone.

Travelling home alone would have been preferable to travelling home in charge of a drunk.

OP says when she spoke to DH at the school end station he was compos mentis so presumably he had seemed ok to the school staff too.

the H here is bloody lucky nobody called the Transport police!

yanbu to be livid and feel disappointed and betrayed.

It could be an interesting 'what I did at the weekend' circle time at school. Poor child. Your husband doesn't deserve the title of 'dad'.

YANBU. I'd be beyond furious.

The juvenile part of me would be tempted to get a friend to ring him at work, pretending to be from social services, to scare the crap out of him for a couple of days.

And I would ban him from drinks after work in future.

Hope he's not driven this morning

YANBU
He was irresponsible, i'd be fuming.
But it does sound like this isn't a regular thing. Sometimes just eating on an empty stomach or when we're stressed (probably drink faster when stressed) can make u get more drunk.

Luckily your son was ok and nothing happened.

U think its probably best that when he gets home you sit down and talk to him calmly, I find talking calmly gets more response. Try and explain yours and DS's feelings rather than just "I can't believe u did thst!"

Explain "what happened yesterday has really upset me and I was really scared about DS, it must have also been very scary for DS to be on the train whilst his dad was asleep and unable to wake you up"
You'll probably find he apologises himself, if he doesn't, say that you would like him to say sorry to both you and DS and he needs to promise that that situation won't happen again.

You are very lucky someone didn't call the police. I would have. It is a criminal offence. Luckily nothing bad did happen this time. My friend's DH was drunk in charge of his 5 year old and stumbling a bit it the supermarket. Several people called the police and he was arrested. He now cannot look after the children unless someone else is with him. And rightly so. Plus he has a criminal record and has other things he has to do (not sure what). IT's changed their life. YANBU it's wrong on so many levels and I would be exactly like you.