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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a contribution

37 replies

peaches1999 · 31/01/2015 08:16

We are family of 4 and on tight budget. However my friend who is moving to the area is coming to stay with her family of 4 for a week. She has asked to stay with us so
She can check out properties in the area , which is fine but I don't think we can afford to feed 8 would I be unreasonable to ask for some sort of contribution. And how would i phrase it. She has stayed with us before and made no contribution.

OP posts:
dalmatianmad · 31/01/2015 08:21

I wouldn't ask for anything, maybe you shouldn't have agreed to have them if you're worried about the cost.
Perhaps suggest they all stay in a travel lodge for the week!

MrsMaker83 · 31/01/2015 08:23

I wouldn't turn up at someones home expecting to be fed for a week, never mind my family too!

Ask her to cough up!Grin

Littleturkish · 31/01/2015 08:24

Suggest alternating the purchasing of food and cooking each night?

Original poster
peaches1999 · 31/01/2015 08:25

Ok, not sure she can afford that at the minute as her husband has just lost his job. I didn't invite them she asked, and I felt in a position that I couldn't refuse. I just thought if it was the other way around I would contribute

OP posts:
Original poster
peaches1999 · 31/01/2015 08:27

Littleturkish. I think I may try that. Although it's quite difficult as we meal plan for a week for the four of us. She's the type of person that would organise a get together and we would agree to bring food but not contribute to the food herself .

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/01/2015 08:27

I'd maybe email her and say "hi X, just thinking about your forthcoming visit. How did you envisage it working? Do you want to alternate responsibility for meals? Or shall I do a big shop for the week and we split the bill? Any must haves to make your kids feel at home? I thought I'd cook XYZ, does that sound ok?". I think any extra fuel costs you just have to absorb but food is definitely an extra.

Gunpowder · 31/01/2015 08:27

I think it's ok to ask. I would say

'we are really looking forward to having you guys to stay, we've got a teeny food budget though, what do you think about having a kitty for the week so I can do a big shop? Or would you and your DH prefer to be in charge of some of the meals?'

Gunpowder · 31/01/2015 08:28

X post! Smile

WeldedParentMaterials · 31/01/2015 08:28

I think suggesting taking it in turns to buy the food each night is a good idea OP.

peggyundercrackers · 31/01/2015 08:28

Of course she can afford it, if they were at home they would have to buy food to eat... If they are only buying every second night for 8 that would be no more cost the buying every night for 4.

Gunpowder · 31/01/2015 08:29

Testings wording is better.

betweenmarchandmay · 31/01/2015 08:30

That's difficult. If I was staying with friends I would probably go out to a restaurant a couple of times and pay but unlike others it wouldn't occur to me to bring my own food and start to cook in someone else's kitchen!

Now it is done I think I you'll just have to be totally honest and explain finances are very tight and ask if they would mind bringing some groceries to enable you to cook!

mayfridaycomequickly · 31/01/2015 08:32

What testing said ^

MinceSpy · 31/01/2015 08:32

Peaches this really is a tricky subject. You are giving your friend and her family free accommodation complete with heating, hot water and so on. I think you need to be honest and say they are welcome to stay but you need some help with the cost of food.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 31/01/2015 08:33

Do people not contribute anyway? That's an extra four people using hot water too which isn't cheap!

Original poster
peaches1999 · 31/01/2015 08:34

Thank you all for your help, first time poster in AIBU and was a little nervous. Think I will text /email later ( when I have the courage ). Iv got a few weeks before she arrives so hopefully sort it out before then

OP posts:
Littlef00t · 31/01/2015 08:34

Knowing where the local supermarket/takeaway is is surely a vital part of getting to know the local area? Wink

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 31/01/2015 08:36

If she was at home she and her dh would have to buy food for the family, so of course thry can afford to contribute.

The idea of cooking on alternate nights is a good one, otherwise you will get kanded with all the work.

If I invited myself to stay somewhere for a week, I would expect to contrbute to the food, and also to the preparation, clearing up etc. If she gets upset by you asking, then she's not a true friend but just someone who taking advantage.

BrieAndChilli · 31/01/2015 08:37

If they are on a tight budget then they will totally understand when you say you are on a tight budget too.

BrieAndChilli · 31/01/2015 08:39

Tuna pasta is really cheap make and feeds loads.
Things like curry, risotto etc are good for lots of people as you need much less meat etx then if you were just putting a chicken breast on a plate iyswim?
Chilli, spag Bol etc can all be padded out with beans and veg.

Original poster
peaches1999 · 31/01/2015 08:40

Peggy I didn't mean she couldn't afford the food, I mean the travel lodge. Sorry for the confusion x

OP posts:
toomanyostriches · 31/01/2015 08:42

If I was your friend I wouldn't wait to be asked. I wouldn't necessarily hand over cash to my hosts though as I wouldn't want to embarrass anyone. Instead I would do a trip to your local supermarket on arrival to pick up food for the week, plus a couple of bottles of wine, treats etc, suggest we got a takeaway one night and make sure I paid, that sort of thing. Is it possible your friend might have something like this in mind? If not then I think you need to sat something. If she was at home she would have to feed herself and her family so it's unreasonable to expect you to double your shopping bill for a week because you're being kind enough to put them up. Maybe just be honest and say that money is tight and you can't afford it?

betweenmarchandmay · 31/01/2015 08:43

Glitz, generally, I wouldn't offer someone money if I was staying at their home as a guest. I would absolutely give them a gift or gifts to say thank you but not cash.

I might, depending on the circumstances, offer, but probably wouldn't expect to be taken up on it!

BoffinMum · 31/01/2015 08:47

Testing put it very well. It might be easiest to go to the supermarket together when she arrives and sort it all out that way.

IDontDoIroning · 31/01/2015 08:48

You're effectively doubling your bill for the week and she can't possibly expect you to house and feed her and her family for free. You're doing her a favour and she should contribute.
I would email to say feeding an extra family the same size as ours for a week is a bit beyond our budget at the moment and much as I love to see you it won't be possible unless we share the food costs - so do you want to have a kitty for the week or split the shopping for the week as we go along.
If you sense she's not keen just tell her it's not possible for her to stay with you.