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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a contribution

37 replies

peaches1999 · 31/01/2015 08:16

We are family of 4 and on tight budget. However my friend who is moving to the area is coming to stay with her family of 4 for a week. She has asked to stay with us so
She can check out properties in the area , which is fine but I don't think we can afford to feed 8 would I be unreasonable to ask for some sort of contribution. And how would i phrase it. She has stayed with us before and made no contribution.

OP posts:
Reddragon116 · 31/01/2015 08:51

Couple of days -it wouldnt bother me but a month for a family of 4 !!! Alternate nights is too complicated and it would be hard to arrange. How about they shop and cook for the 2nd and 4 the week

GokTwo · 31/01/2015 08:52

Yanbu at all. I'd always arrive with a contribution anyway but some people are not like that. I'd hate to think of a good friend worrying about this and would definitely want you to say something.

catnipkitty · 31/01/2015 08:53

When we stay with friends or they stay with us we buy enough food to feed ourselves, help to stock up on general things like milk, butter, contribute to things like toilet paper (!), and usually pay for a take away for everyone as a thank you, and our friends do the same. If I was you I would just text something like "Looking forward to seeing, but money's really tight at the moment so we'll struggle to feed everyone for a week, wondering if you could contribute?".
If they're offended by this then they're not good friends.

HSMMaCM · 31/01/2015 08:56

When I go and stay with my friend (lovely holiday destination). We go food shopping together and I pay for all the food. She cooks for us all, while I follow orders, like chopping veg, laying the table, etc.

NomDePlumeRidesAgain · 31/01/2015 09:03

Red dragon - they are staying for 1 week, not a month.

Trickydecision · 31/01/2015 09:05

Testing's email is good, but I would omit the suggestion to alternate responsibility for meals, and just stick with the split bill for a big shop.

As kids are involved, there will be a lot of snacks drinks etc, plus breakfasts, which your friend might not consider when it coes to alternating meals but will be a considerable expense for you. The split bill would cover this.

Incidently, you sound very sweet and kind and quite right to be worried about the impact of the visit on your budget.

Whocansay · 31/01/2015 09:49

I would ask for cash actually. It's not just food. They will be using the water and all other utilities for the week, so all you expenses will rise. Work out roughly what your costs would be and ask them for cash. I would imagine this would be around £120 for the week in my house, easily. Remember this isn't a leisure trip, they invited themselves and a week can be a long time. They should expect to have to contribute.

But whatever your do, make sure you make it all clear to them before they arrive so everyone knows what the plan is.

CalicoBlue · 31/01/2015 10:02

When I have gone to stay with friends, for a weeks holiday, with my kids. I have brought presents, wine and chocolates etc and gone shopping with them on the first or second day and paid for the weeks shopping, helped with cooking and paid for a meal out during the week. I would have been very offended if I had been asked for cash.

Are you sure she will not do this without being asked?

ilovesooty · 31/01/2015 10:13

I have a friend who has moved temporarily abroad and has invited me to stay later this year. If I take her up on it I will be offering to pay half the food bill. I think it's poor manners not to offer to contribute. The host shouldn't be in this position.

ilovesooty · 31/01/2015 10:15

I'd add that she's living rent and utility free with a relative otherwise I'd be offering to contribute to that as well.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/01/2015 10:36

If I were your friend, I would automatically be buying the entire weekly shop for 8, as a way of thanks.
If she only pays half, and she definitely should be as a minimum, she's getting a great deal.
You know your friend best. With most of mine I wouldn't need to say anything. With one stingy friend I have I would suggest doing a shop on their arrival 'to make sure you have all the stuff they like', and at the till hang around waiting fir them to pay, and if they didn't, say 'shall we spilt it'.

notnaice · 31/01/2015 10:46

Just text and ask her whether you should go shopping together if her kids are fussy or would she rather you just bought the food and you split the bill?
If she chooses the former then just say your half is £.... At the checkout.

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