To not want to subsidise friend

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

I have two very nice friends - A & B - whom I see every 6 weeks or so.

I am currently a SAHM and have a DH with a good job ( this is relevant. Not a humblebrag) but we are by no means multi-millionaires.

Friend A is going back to university to retrain. Obviously, this is going to be very expensive - particularly as she has Dc who will need full-time childcare.

The last three times that we have been out, Friend B (who is incredibly generous but probably had the least disposable income out of all of us) has said - in front of friend A - that friend B and I will pay the bill as friend A is going back to study and it will be very expensive etc. Obviously, I've said this is fine. Friend A (who can be a bit tight) as thanked us both very nicely and accepted with alacrity

As I've said, DH and I are certainly not multi-millionaires so how do I handke this going forward? We are going out next week and, actually, I don't want to split the bill again and pay for friend A. I completely understand that it is very expensive to go back to re-train and that she and her DH dont have huge amounts of disposable income. But I kind of think that's something for them to deal with.

Am I being very mean? How can I say "no" without looking terribly rude? I know I can obviously just say "no" when the bill comes but I would like to try and resolve this gracefully and without causing offence or looking like a tight arse

Friend B is being incredibly rude and presumtious!! I agree talk honestly to B. If she is a good friend and a decent person she will realise she was wrong to volunteer your generosity - that's your call and however "rich" you are it is up to you not her.

(Pedants - I know i've spelt presumptious wrongly...... and probably have just done so again......)

It's presumptuous :)

[I am not a pedant, but thought you might like to know.]

I think you might find that it's A and B who've been discussing this. I bet that A (who is already tight, regardless of uni), and knows B to be a generous soul, is crying the poor tale in the knowledge that B will tap OP, leaving A with clean hands. Sorry to be cynical but I have seen this scenario play out many, many times.

OP needs to have a conversation with A, not B along the lines of "B can't afford to sub you, let's find some cheaper nights out".

Why can't you just talk to both A and B and be honest? I mean, you're supposed to be friends. All this hemming and hawing and suggesting alternatives and compromises and making excuses. Why? It's simple, 'Sounds like fun, but just to let you know we can cover only our own bill from now on.'

When you cannot afford to go out, as in A's case, the onus is on you to say, 'Sounds good, but times are tough here, you two go and have a great time.' 'Oh, we'll pay for you.' 'Thanks, but you've paid for me the past 3 times (and A is a git for allowing that), I think it's time for me to return the favour. How about you all come here for dinner on X date?'

Why not do something like a watsapp group, both ladies on it: Hi ladies, are you both free X date. I was thinking we could go to X restaurant, it's lovely food and not too pricey for us all to split the bill.

Kills two birds with one stone.

Or you could suggest to rotate having each other at the others house for food and drinks if it's too tight for people this time?

Actually, I'm not sure that the OP does like her that much deep down. I get the impression from her posts that this tripartite relationship has run its course and she's now carrying on from obligation to an old friendship. I'd be interested to know whether she's ever considered bowing out of these meetings altogether or whether she really gets something out of them.