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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Girl's night out

127 replies

flatroofextensionite · 29/01/2015 20:35

I am a mum of two under four. GPs have had them over night once at sister's wedding so not 'overused' in terms of babysitting but are totally adept.

I am going on a girl's night out in two months time and I have figured best option is to ask GPs to have them over night as DH at work next day and - shock horror - I'd like to stay out past 10.30pm and have a few glasses of wine.

I don't think I'll be hungover or anything like that - but would like to have more than one and getting up at 6.30am wouldn't be good for me or the kids.

I've tried to broach with DH tonight and he's made me feel like an awful human being for even considering asking GPs. Any 'pass' should be used for a joint night away he says - that I should obv be the arranger of.

I feel awful now and have resigned myself to a 10.30pm home and one drink.

AIBU?

OP posts:

pictish · 01/02/2015 09:41

Indeed.

clam · 01/02/2015 09:56

Am I missing something here? Like, what the actual problem is?

a) go out for a nice night out. Leave the kids with your dh and deal with one possible disrupted night's sleep afterwards, or possibly a slight hangover the next day. That's what cbeebies is for.

b) go for a nice night out. Ask the GPs to look after the kids on a sleepover. Shock horror, you could always ask them again in the future, (or the other set of GPs) if your dh gets off his arse and organises a night out for the two of you. (Why does it have to be you who does this?)

Or I suppose there's c). Drop the idea altogether and stay in (which is what it seems your dh is hoping for). Why on earth do you have to resign yourself to coming home early at 10.30pm after half a glass of wine? Sod that. Put yourself first for a change. No one will die.

Fairenuff · 01/02/2015 10:16

There is another option that your dh sorts the night wakings and drops them at your gps on his way to work leaving you having a well deserved lie in.

MargotLovedTom · 01/02/2015 10:32

Your dh needs to stop being such a mood hooverer and accept that you want to go out and then have a lie in. He might not want a social life but he shouldn't put a downer on yours.

My dh would positively relish the child free night whether he was going out himself or not, especially if they're not the best of sleepers .

minesapintofwine · 01/02/2015 12:04

If gps are happy to have them I would just TELL dh you are going on a late one probably will have a few drinks. Not ask. Im sorry I just dont think its up to him. Can he meet up with some mates etc? Dh and I have had sitters and gone on seperate nights out. And on other occasions have had an evening out together. Life is too short to overthink this. Go out and enjoy yourself how U intend to. I do think its a teeny bit controlling for your dh to say this. Maybe we are unique/odd/selfish, but I would never ask dh if it was ok to do this, and vice versa. As long as gps are happy though.

frankbough · 01/02/2015 12:30

This is one of those things that needs discussing before you get married, For us as a couple we have decided that big boozy nights out are a thing of the past especially now we have two little uns.. Added to the fact since the age of sixteen we've both had plenty of time to "let our hair down"..

Never really understood the need for married couples with children to go out and get blasted, especially those in the their 30's and 40's.. It's a bit cringeworthy tbh..

PiratePanda · 01/02/2015 12:35

I find threads like this weird. Both DH and I have busy fulltime jobs that involve travelling abroad. We have no nanny, nor any relatives close by. When I'm away, DH looks after DS all by himself and vice versa. Your DH is not so precious he can't organise going to work and a solution for early morning childcare.

Tell him to grow a pair.

WowserBowser · 01/02/2015 12:40

Never really understood the need for married couples with children to go out and get blasted, especially those in the their 30's and 40's.. It's a bit cringeworthy tbh

Ha! That's me. But DH also likes going out with his friends so works well for us.

I think it's ridiculous you even need to ask OP. It's not even for 2 months?! Sometimes it is nice for a parent to do something that is just for them. I know it saves my sanity.

littleleftie · 01/02/2015 12:44

I am not sure I have understood this thread properly.

From what I have read, OP wants to go on a girls night out. Her DH has no problem looking after the DC whilst she is out. So far so good.

The problem is that DH has to go to work in the morning and OP doesn't want to have to look after her children whilst DH is at work?

PP have suggested that she can stay out as late as she likes and just suffer a bit on the sofa/park DC in front of CBEEBIES but OP wants to lie in bed most of the day.

It sounds to me as though OP wants to get so drunk she is incapable of looking after DC the next morning and that is why she needs GP to look after DC overnight.

In which case I agree with frankbough

MyAcheybreakyBones · 01/02/2015 12:56

I don't see why you need your dh blessing tbh you are a singular person not just wife and mother.

You have your reasons why you want dc to stay overnight at gp and they are right for you, you and your dh will just have to agree to disagree and if you take this stance now he will be used to it by the time the night out comes.

My dc is 4 and has rarely stayed over at gp so if I have a night out dp will look after her. I stop drinking alcohol at about 12am as im sufficiently fueled for fun pissed
I come home at 3am almost sober and still get up between 7-9am.

Go on your night out, whatever you do it will be fine.

clam · 01/02/2015 15:47

I don't recall reading anywhere on here that the OP wanted to get "blasted," just that she didn't want to have to have just one drink and then come home early. Not sure why that's the only way she can go on the night out without calling on Grandparents, or incurring the (unreasonable) wrath of her husband, mind you.
Still not getting the big deal with this.

MargotLovedTom · 01/02/2015 16:47

God, sometimes, once in a blue moon, it's nice to have a break. It's nice to go out and have a drink in the knowledge that you can lie in the next day and not have to get up at sparrow's fart and deal with small children. Nobody's saying anything about getting blasted.

mommy2ash · 01/02/2015 17:01

im not sure i understand the problem. i am a single parent and when i have a night out my dd stays at my parents but they drop her home at seven am. i have never went home at ten after a glass of wine. leave the kids with your dh, go out and have fun. yes you might have a bit of a hangover the next day but as long as you aren't driving i don't think its a big deal.

i would think it a bit odd if someone wanted me to watch their kids while their husband was at home and how long are you expecting them to mind them the next day.

i think you are making a big deal out of nothing.

RJnomore · 01/02/2015 17:04

This is such a non problem and I cannot believe half the replies.

Ffs op

Get a spine and do what you want. Unless you are actually clashing with something dh wants to do with you or using up a babysitting chance which means you and him can't do something you planned, he's bring utterly ridiculous and I suggest you stop pandering to it now
And btw it's very sensible to make alternative child care arrangements if you feel you may not be on top of your game to look after two small children. Of course, this IS mn, where half the population never have one drink in case they are required to drive to a and e etc, so don't except much support for your choice to have a social life, take part in legal activities and not be a mummy martyr (god I miss sm)

ChangingItUp · 01/02/2015 17:25

Agree with RJ can't believe all this angst over a night out.
What sane person wouldn't want a night off 2 non-sleepers even if they do just stay in. I think the DH just doesn't want OP going out.

Fwiw I had a rare night out last night (LP), ds stayed at the GP's until 4pm today. I slept till 12pm, ignored all the stuff needing doing, watched crap tv and had a long bath. It was bloody heaven.

Thurlow · 01/02/2015 17:40

What sane person wouldn't want a night off 2 non-sleepers even if they do just stay in

Christ, exactly.

Though apparently becoming a parent means you're fine to spend the next 12 years of your life never having a lie in or a worry free night out. Or have a drink.

frankbough · 01/02/2015 17:55

For the record, I'm not suggesting she doesn't go out. I think his problem is that he has work in the morn in which case she'll have to either suffer in the morn or curtail her drinking..
I was lucky enough to be part of the acid house generation so know all about nights out, but these days with two under fours I'm aware of their needs even when my and my wife aren't there..

Celticlass2 · 01/02/2015 17:55

Why can you not look after your children with a hangover? Hardly a big deal if it's once in a blue moon!
I agree with your DH. I think you should save the asking of grandparents for a joint night out. If seems really selfish otherwise.

Thurlow · 01/02/2015 18:19

It's selfish for the OP to want to have a good night with her friends, rather than her DH?

Is this one of those things where, once you're married and have children, you aren't supposed to have a nice time with anyone else?

anicesitdownandshutup · 01/02/2015 18:29

If it was only his parents you're asking then could almost understand his problem.
Would a solution be for him to stay over at the GPs and then he can toddle off to work the next day?

MummyBeerest · 01/02/2015 21:49

Was it this past Saturday?

OP, I hope you went out, dropped off DC at the GPs and had a great time and lie in the next day.

Your DH can think of this overnight as a test-run for when he wants to go out with you in the future.

CrapBag · 02/02/2015 11:29

It's in 2 months Mummy, says in the OP.

Have you managed to sort this out OP? I agree with pictish 100%. I hate this attitude that a mother is expected to drink, have late night and suck it up the next day. Nothing wrong with wanting to be free of that for 1 bloody day.

And yes, some people like to get drunk and have a wild night out once in a while. It's not a crime. You dont have to sit in knitting whilst tending to your DH just because you have a ring on your finger. You are allowed a life outside of a partner!

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 02/02/2015 11:52

frankbough
I was lucky enough to be part of the acid house generation so know all about nights out

Frank, I never had you down as a raver! I think this is one of the most surprising posts I've ever read on MN.

OP, I Think if you have a spare room you can comfortably drown out any noises from the kids during the night then yes, I'd be tempted to save the GP for a different night and have a lazy hungover day.

If not, or you think DH will struggle to see to them overnight then go to work then use the GPs. It's a rare occurrence. You shouldn't be feeling guilty over wanting a night out/peaceful sleep/ non-early start.

MetallicBeige · 02/02/2015 11:52

Ugh! Why would you want to look after the dc hungover when there is no need to?

We have no GParents local, but if they were I would so do this. What on earth is wrong with a parent wanting a bit of time and a lie in to themselves? So much guilt tripping and martyrdom going on on this thread.

Go and enjoy yourself op and enjoy a leisurely lie in.

Celticlass2 · 02/02/2015 12:05

The only reason the OP wouldn't want/ be able to look after her children is because she was severely hungover, which is not really a great idea is it?

If she's had one or two too many and is getting up a bit groggy, it's is hardly the end of the world is it? A strong coffee and a few hours on the sofa watching c beebies with the kids or whatever would sort most people out would it not?

TBH, I would be embarrassed to ask GP's to look after my children if my DH was at home.
I'd rather save the 'sit' for a night out with my DH.
When my DD was that young I certainly liked to go out now and then with friends as well as regularly with DH, but had absoloutely no interest in getting blind drunk.

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