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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girl's night out

127 replies

flatroofextensionite · 29/01/2015 20:35

I am a mum of two under four. GPs have had them over night once at sister's wedding so not 'overused' in terms of babysitting but are totally adept.

I am going on a girl's night out in two months time and I have figured best option is to ask GPs to have them over night as DH at work next day and - shock horror - I'd like to stay out past 10.30pm and have a few glasses of wine.

I don't think I'll be hungover or anything like that - but would like to have more than one and getting up at 6.30am wouldn't be good for me or the kids.

I've tried to broach with DH tonight and he's made me feel like an awful human being for even considering asking GPs. Any 'pass' should be used for a joint night away he says - that I should obv be the arranger of.

I feel awful now and have resigned myself to a 10.30pm home and one drink.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ZanyMobster · 29/01/2015 22:04

If I was going on a night out when the DCs were babies DH would do the night wakings, from newborn really.

I would totally ask the GPs as although it's not ideal your DH is clearly not going to look after the DCs through the night.

I do understand the early replies as at first it sounded odd to ask the GPs to have them when your DH is at home but now you have said you would have to get up with the DCs I can understand why you want to, although I have gone on big nights out and still got up early with the DCs, sometimes its just worth the tiredness to have a good night out.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/01/2015 22:07

The op has never said her dh won't do the evening or get up in the night.
Unless I missed it.

fairylightsbackintheloft · 29/01/2015 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/01/2015 22:10

I see both sides here. Yanbu to want a relaxed night out where you can do as you like without worry, but I also think your dh is right when he says it's a bit of a waste of a babysitter.
If it's logistically possible, I would have him drop the kids off at the gps at 7am on his way to work. You pick them up at lunchtime.

Original poster
flatroofextensionite · 29/01/2015 22:21

Sorry haven't been clear there - DH and I share night wakings. However I still wake up. If both of them wake then in all fairness on DH it's not logistically poss to deal with it sometimes and if roles reversed I'd feel very upset at DH laid pissed in bed!!

I just thought that GPs would be best all round option. Not in the SLIGHTEST overused - however I do see it's a bit of an ordeal and faff for them as they don't just go to bed and sleep through till morn. DD occasionally wakes once in night and would need a resettle possibly and DS would need to sleep in with them!

The morning GP run is poss but just think it'd be far smoother as a sleepover.

The issue is how anxious and bad about it I'm going to feel as I like to do things with DH's blessing but that's clearly not poss.

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 29/01/2015 22:24

Is this a week night if DH is working the next day? Because if so it's quite possible your friends won't be up for a massive night anyhow...

Original poster
flatroofextensionite · 29/01/2015 22:26

It's a Fri night. He works a Sat. I don't.

OP posts:
Sceptimum · 29/01/2015 22:29

One thing to bear in mind if it's a Mum's night out - it may not go on late regardless! I have been to a few and had great fun but found everyone else flaking at 11 when I am still full of beans.

Your DH is being a begrudger but if sleepovers happen so rarely I can see why he might also want to be in on it. I'd consider asking the GPs if they had a few hours in the morning - that way you can have a nap and some me time to stave off the hangover.

It's a bit shit your DP is being so miserable about it, Op. Hope you have a great night out.

CinnabarRed · 29/01/2015 22:30

Ah...

I have to say - we didn't ask the GPs to look after our DCs overnight until all of them were reliably sleeping through in their own beds. We didn't think it was fair to ask anyone else to deal with that!

Original poster
flatroofextensionite · 29/01/2015 22:37

Yes I agree really. However we never ask them. Literally never. Like I say once at sister's wedding and other set once before DD was born and it was 'just' DS and that was nagged for for novelty value. So actually one set has never had both of them.

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 29/01/2015 22:42

I do know how it feels - you've still had more overnights than us because our GPs aren't local.

But I can also see it from DH's perspective. In his shoes I'd also see it as a "wasted" pass. Sorry, but I would.

simontowers2 · 29/01/2015 22:47

YANBU. Your husband is being a tit. It's only one night out fgs.

Original poster
flatroofextensionite · 29/01/2015 22:48

Going out on an occasional night with DH is not a prob at all given locality of GPs and their willingness to sit for a few hours at out whole we enjoy a meal out.

The only 'wasted' bit would be a night sleeping without the kids with DH. It's not like we'd have wild sex all night and a night away would mean more than an overnight stay and morning with GPs which would be taking the piss.

OP posts:
Original poster
flatroofextensionite · 29/01/2015 22:50

I've just told him he's very welcome to a night out but the truth is he's not bothered about one. I like having a social life though and we're very different in that way.

OP posts:
mrsmootoo · 29/01/2015 22:57

DH should babysit! That's ridiculous. And then save up GPs for a real night away with DH. If you're not going away you can be up in the morning can't you when DH goes to work?

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 29/01/2015 23:04

Go for it girl.

YANBU.

"Me" time is so important - I love my GP because she is always telling me it's the best route for the wellbeing of you and your DC!

cece · 29/01/2015 23:07

TBH I would jump at the chance of GP doing this sort of babysitting. Sadly though none of ours live near enough.

My first thought was why can't you get up at 7 and look after the kids? How much are you going to be drinking????? ! My kids still are up at 6am ish most mornings including the morning after a night out. Like everyone else says put a DVD on and snooze on the sofa with them.

My second thought was how different your husband must be to mine as mine would jump at the chance of a night and morning free of DC...

I think if GP are able and willing then ask them. Then tell your husband a date that he has to organise I night out for both of you too.

BackforGood · 29/01/2015 23:36

Totally depend if the Grandparents would love to have them and be very happy to do it (I have a lot of friends who are Grandparents and are quite happy to do this once every few months - they have the rest of the week/month to sleep) or if they will struggle, but you know will kindly offer to help you out.

It's not strictly 'needed', if they will find it a challenge, but if they'd enjoy it, then I don't see there's even a dilemma.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 29/01/2015 23:46

As he's off to work early, I don't see why you shouldn't ask your parents to help so that you can have a night out - it doesn't sound like you're out twice a week every week or anything excessive. Ask for babysitting and try to not let his attitude affect your night out.

How often do you go out as a couple? Perhaps you could plan a night out for the two of you too? And encourage him to have a night out 'with the boys' too. I'm thinking, perhaps his attitude is born out of some unexpressed feeling of unfairness, and like you're using up babysitting credits on other people, without considering him.

Are the grandparents willing and able to do a few more overnights to enable the above? Or, are you able to organise and afford paid childcare for nights out?

Minkybinkyboo · 30/01/2015 03:11

If your parents are like mine they'll be delighted to babysit whenever they can! Mine love having my 13 month old to stay for whatever reason. I would definitely call on them if I was heading out for the night. Nothing worst than getting up early after a couple of glasses!

musicalendorphins2 · 30/01/2015 03:57

I would let my dh be in charge and the next day would just deal with getting up with them. I wouldn't waste an overnight favour for a gno.

CinnabarRed · 30/01/2015 05:52

I may have missed it, but I don't think DH has said he won't babysit, has he?

All he's said is that he thinks having the DCs away overnight so the OP can get hammered on a GNO and sleep off a hangover while he's working is a waste of a precious DC-free night, and I agree with him.

  1. You might not want wild sex all night but waking up together and dozing together through a lazy line-in and then fixing breakfast together and drinking coffee over the papers together is very special when you haven't done any of that for yonks.
  1. There's middle ground between having one drink and a taxi home at 10:30, and getting so drunk so late you prefer the GPs to take the DCs overnight.
  1. Given overnights are limited, both DH and I would prefer to spend one together rather than separate.
Saltedcaramel2014 · 30/01/2015 06:19

I'd definitely ask the Gps! Can't see why not, esp as you've only asked them once before. It feels so different going out knowing that you don't have to get up early. It's only one night you're asking for, I think you should enjoy it. I don't really understand your partner's objection - if gps have only been asked once before surely there is potential for a joint night out sometime soon? X

Saltedcaramel2014 · 30/01/2015 06:20

Unintentional kiss at the end there...!

ChippingInLatteLover · 30/01/2015 06:42

Ask your parents and enjoy your night out, getting home when you want and sleeping in.

If DH doesn't like it, tell him he gets to choose how the night is spent when his parents have the kids.

Most kids love sleeping over at the grandparents and most grandparents love having them sleep over and hopefully now they're a bit bigger they'll get less and less 'work' at night and it can be a regular thing.