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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girl's night out

127 replies

flatroofextensionite · 29/01/2015 20:35

I am a mum of two under four. GPs have had them over night once at sister's wedding so not 'overused' in terms of babysitting but are totally adept.

I am going on a girl's night out in two months time and I have figured best option is to ask GPs to have them over night as DH at work next day and - shock horror - I'd like to stay out past 10.30pm and have a few glasses of wine.

I don't think I'll be hungover or anything like that - but would like to have more than one and getting up at 6.30am wouldn't be good for me or the kids.

I've tried to broach with DH tonight and he's made me feel like an awful human being for even considering asking GPs. Any 'pass' should be used for a joint night away he says - that I should obv be the arranger of.

I feel awful now and have resigned myself to a 10.30pm home and one drink.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Inertia · 30/01/2015 06:45

Sounds like you might need to consider whether dh might sabotage the night out, eg by being detained at work, so you can't go. I would stick with the gp babysitting and frame it so that he doesn't have to worry about being in by a cerrtain time.

ScathingContempt · 30/01/2015 06:57

I think the issue is the fact that you will feel anxiety if he doesn't agree with it and that will ruin your night out. You're adults, you will have different opinions but he shouldn't make you feel so bad about it that it spoils your night out.

If he doesn't want a night out with his mates that's his choice. You do and you need to be able to have a social life. It's not like your doing it every week fgs!

And anyway, if the sleepover goes well the grandparents might decide they want to do it more often which could benefit you both. Though if he's going to be an arse about it I wouldn't want to go out with him.

pictish · 30/01/2015 07:07

Since when does your dh get to decide what is appropriate for you to ask from your own parents? What's that all about?

Yanbu - it's one night out two months away. There is nothing wrong with asking either set of grandparents to babysit so you can stay out late. And no, the hallowed favour doesn't actually have to be saved so it benefits both of you on a mutual night out - you are an individual with your own friends, your own interests, and your own agenda. Your dh is being a selfish, and dare I say it, controlling knob.

Ask your parents and leave him out of it.

pictish · 30/01/2015 07:14

All he's said is that he thinks having the DCs away overnight so the OP can get hammered on a GNO and sleep off a hangover while he's working is a waste of a precious DC-free night, and I agree with him.

I couldn't disagree with this more. On the contrary, I am of the opinion that getting away from it all to let your hair down with your friends every so often, is good for the soul. It's about maintaining friendships and having some bloody autonomy - as is appropriate for adults to do.

sandgrown · 30/01/2015 07:18

Had my GC pretty regularly since they stopped BF. Many grandparents love to have GC to stay and can cope with the odd disturbed night so ask them. I have always expected my DH to cope with the children as well as I can. Never hesitated to leave him in charge while I went out.

saoirse31 · 30/01/2015 07:24

can't u just cope with one late night followed by getting up early? really? I really can't see why you want babysitters because essentially ur going out late and will have a few drinks.

folieadeux29 · 30/01/2015 07:32

YANBU.. How about a compromise. Get one set of GP have them for your night out then arrange the other set of GP to have them then get a night out with your DH?

Brittabot · 30/01/2015 08:19

Go ahead with your night and morning off as planned, you are allowed to have that, you organised the childcare. If you listen to him it means you only get snippets of time to yourself (as whenever children are away you & DH will be doing something together).

CinnabarRed · 30/01/2015 08:28

I am of the opinion that getting away from it all to let your hair down with your friends every so often, is good for the soul. It's about maintaining friendships and having some bloody autonomy - as is appropriate for adults to do

I absolutely agree with every word of this. In fact I go out with friends most every weeks while DH stays home looking after our DCs. He also goes out with his friends very regularly.

But I don't want to snuggle up to my friends the next morning, or doze through a sleepy lie-in with them, or cook breakfast with them - I want to do those things with my DH. And that's why our very few overnights have been reserved for him.

FWIW, I have got up with my DSs at 6:30 the following morning after every single one of my nights out. Sometimes I haven't been at my very best . But overnights are too special to spend without DH.

pictish · 30/01/2015 08:35

But that's particular to you Cinnabar. That's your own unique set of preferences.
That's nice, but doesn't invalidate the OP's own wishes in any way.

Northumberlandlass · 30/01/2015 08:40

Totally agree Pictish
OP - My (STBX)H would work early shifts leaving house at 6am, DS would wake at 6.30 (and usually during the night) - on the chance I was invited out with my friends the night before an early shift, I would always ask GP to have him & they were more than happy to.

For me it wasn't about getting hammered & rolling in the wee small hours, it was about being able to relax knowing I didn't have an early wake up to look after DS with a hangover.

Do it OP.

CinnabarRed · 30/01/2015 09:16

It is particular to me, Pictish, that's true. And neither does it invalidate the OP's wishes. But her wishes don't invalidate her DH's either. He thinks it's a waste and so do I.

I should add, though, that we have literally no-one to have the DCs overnight - my parents are in poor health and DH's live many hours away. If we had GPs local to us, I'm sure we would ask them for more overnights. And then they wouldn't be so precious to me and I would definitely consider more "solo" overnights.

If I were the OP, I would probably focus on getting her DCs sleeping through, so that asking the GPS is less of a big deal - and then hopefully more overnights will be forthcoming.

ohtheholidays · 30/01/2015 09:22

You should decide!Just because your DH doesn't want to take you up on a lads night out in the future doesn't mean you should miss out on your girls night out!

If the grandparents are happy to have the LO's overnight brilliant.
It's not really affecting your DH is it.

jamtoast12 · 01/02/2015 08:57

Honestly I think you're being a bit dramatic about a night out. Just get up in the morning, it's no big deal and unless the GPs love having the kids and are happy to mind them at any opportunity (so not limited), then I think you are being cheeky.

Genuinely, I'd be embarrassed to ask someone to babysit knowing dh was at home.

Ledkr · 01/02/2015 09:03

But, the op wanys a rare night out followed by a lie in. Yes she could cope but she doesn't want to , she wants a night out and a lie in.
Why shouldn't she have that?
Being a mother doesn't mean being a martyr all the time.
Your dh should suck it up or take the morning off!

Ledkr · 01/02/2015 09:06

Sunday mornings on mumsnet are full of stories of dh's sleeping all day after a night out or not coming home or vomiting all over the place but when a women suggests she might like a bit if a piss up and a chance to sleep it off ages told she's being ridiculous and to save the baby sitter for a couples night Hmm
Come on, really?

jamtoast12 · 01/02/2015 09:08

Because it's unfair to put people out, simply because you want a lie in!

if it's no big deal to GPs etc then fair enough but if they are not overly keen or only happy to sit occasionally, then expecting people to babysit and get up in the night etc just so you can sleep in is cheeky IMO.

it's not a case of op not being able to go otherwise, as may be the case in a couples night out, or emergency, a wedding etc. op can go either way so the babysitting is purely for a sleep in which may or may not be well received by any babysitter.

pictish · 01/02/2015 09:12

I wouldn't Jam and over the years I've had a few overnighters courtesy of grandparents, stating that very reason for wanting the morning after off.
"It'll be a boozy, late one"

What's wrong with one of those once in a while? Why is it embarrassing to ask a favour to facilitate it, if they are willing?

gobbynorthernbird · 01/02/2015 09:13

jam, and all the OP can do is ask and find out. My DM would have happily done it, because children are a bit boring when they're asleep. The next morning was when she got to do fun granny stuff with her DGD.

jamtoast12 · 01/02/2015 09:17

gobby the op says her kids wake in the night etc so I do think that's inconveniencing people unnecessarily. Of course if the gps are fine about it then great

Ledkr · 01/02/2015 09:18

Blimey, what a load of martyrs you all are!
I'm currently languishing in my pit awaiting tea and toast for. Dh after a night drinking champagne with friends. My in laws are here too and I'm sure they are helping.
Nobody died, we are all ok, I could get up if nobody was here to have them but you know what? I have a right to some enjoyment and relaxation in my life too!

jam why is it a cheek for the op to use the gps babysitting favour but ok if she goes out with the dh?

jamtoast12 · 01/02/2015 09:24

Because presumably if she goes out with dh, they need a sitter or they simply can't go out. It's a needs must for the night to happen I suppose.

In this situation the op can go out still so she's asking the gps to get up in the night just for a sleep in.

Honestly I genuinely dont know many people who wouldn't find that cheeky!

Ledkr · 01/02/2015 09:32

Well I'm also a granny and I don't find that cheeky at all!
In fact it could be seen as pretty sensible to foretell feeling a bit jaded so make plans for that.
The ops husband is being very selfish imo.
You can be a mother and occasionally relax too you know.

pictish · 01/02/2015 09:39

My mum didn't mind, and my in laws will do it if they are free. It hasn't ever been an issue because we/I don't ask it often at all. They understand and appreciate the value of a long lie minus responsibilities for once.
No problemo.
I shall do the same for my own.

PervyMuskrat · 01/02/2015 09:39

Bloody hell. Go out, get pissed and enjoy your lie in Grin