I know I am, I just need to get this out. I know I'm horrible. I care about my baby, he's 9 days old I think he's cute but if I could go back 9 months I would never get pregnant. He was much wanted and longed for my whole life and when i met dp I always imagined us having a family together. My Dp is lovely and supportive but he's suffers with depression and I'm trying to take the strain of night feeds etc so he doesn't get depressed, this also means I can't cry in front of him. but I feel like I don't know what I'm doing or what I need to do with the baby, I miss my dp and I just want it to be the two of us again, I want to be able to just hold eachother in bed all night and watch TV in the evening or just decide we want to do something together spontaneously. We haven't even been shopping since the baby was born, I haven't left the house (I can't go out without him, and I don't want to either), I just want to be with dp constantly I feel so clingy. Nothing feels the same, and it never will be the same again. I hate it when my dp has to leave the house but I feel like he wants to go out and not just that he has to iyswim and I'm so scared he's going to get tired of everything and want to leave me. I don't know how to get my baby to sleep after a night feed or to stop getting upset and whinny while he sleeps, I don't know what's normal for a baby. I just want to go back to how things were. I can't tell dp any of this as it would make him worry and upset him, I can't tell my family either. I don't have anyone nearby, I live far away from my family and have no friends (social anxiety) I keep getting horrible thoughts and worries that my family and dp are going to die. I do love my baby, I just don't want to be a mum I want my old safe life back and I feel scared and disoriented. Sorry it's such a ramble and I know I sound horrible. I feel sorry for that beautiful baby having me as a mum. Has anyone felt this way?