Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To ask if a non-fatal possible genetic condition would put you off having children?

135 replies

willowriver · 25/01/2015 19:50

Hello,

Here is my situation, I have a sibling who has a mental health disorder which seems to run in the family. I have seen the horrendous impact it has had on his life.

I have to admit having a child and possibly passing this condition on scares me a great deal.

AIBU to seriously consider not having a child for this reason ?

OP posts:

crackerjack00 · 25/01/2015 20:42

My mother had puerperal psychosis after having me. 10% risk of me getting it too (and if I got it, greater risk of them getting it, ad infinitum)

The impact of her illness on me was so great, I chose to adopt... Albeit my DH was infertile from cancer. Had he not been, (and the route to birth children therefore been a little simpler), I'm not sure what I'd have done. But I'm almost certain I wouldn't have had birth children.

YANBU.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/01/2015 20:43

Psoriasis in family which has many forms.
I did think and rethink (it skips generations though I have a small patch on my scalp) but as medicine advances, it can be dealt with (and at least I can recognise it)

So many different considerations though, different people affected differently by all conditions.

Original poster

willowriver · 25/01/2015 20:48

It is incredibly difficult knowing what the right thing is and perhaps where I am leaning at the moment is that I can't imagine parenting a child with my brothers condition - it exhausts me just thinking about it.

Yet it isn't straightforward and because of this I may never be a mum which breaks my heart.

OP posts:

Sixgeese · 25/01/2015 20:54

It didn't for me.

I have a blood clotting condition and have a 50 / 50 chance of passing it on to my DC, and I have three DC.

For DS, hopefully it will just have to be something he is aware of, if he has it he has a very high chance of getting DVT/ PE, but I will leave it up to him if he gets tested.

For DDs, they won't really have a choice as it will effect the type of birth control they can have and it can cause repeated miscarriages if they don't know whether or not they have it prior to any pregnancies. Even though they are only 7 and 5, I already tell them what I have (or lumpy blood as I explain to them), so when they are adults and sitting in a Doctors office without me they will know their family medical history.

anothernumberone · 25/01/2015 20:59

I cannot answer for you or your situation but I would never think of not having children no matter what the outcome. It has been one of my real life goals and thankfully joys.

When dd1 was little she was sick in hospital for a week. A 12 year old boy was in the bed beside her and he was a seriously ill little boy with a life limiting and in the end likely to be terminal condition. He was born a perfectly healthy child and stayed that way until age 5. His mother was away for a few days for the first time since he got ill but his grandmother told me how much his mother adored him and did everything to make his life better. Not for the first time it struck me that you cannot control everything in life and so why should you try. I am believer in playing the hand you are dealt. I understand your concern but personally I would be jumping on the roulette wheel and taking my chances, hoping for the best and providing for the worst. That is not my advice because everyone's circumstances are so different, ultimately you know your circumstance the best.

Original poster

willowriver · 25/01/2015 21:01

Yes, that's a common argument which unfortunately largely dismisses genuine concerns.

OP posts:

GreenPetal94 · 25/01/2015 21:03

I suffer from bipolar but was only diagnosed after the birth of my second child. So luckily I never got to really decide whether to have chidren for fear of passing it on, they were both born. Kids seem fine thus far (11 and 13). I'm also fine now on meds.

NOT having kids is a very big decision if you are in a suitable relationship.

I have never once regretted having children and if they had mental health problems in later life I would still not regret it.

306235388 · 25/01/2015 21:04

I think it would depend what it is and how early the onset would be.

Arthritis and diabetes run in our family but not usually until 50+ at least.

As it turns out both my dc have hypermobility and have suffered a fair bit because of it. Nobody could've predicted that and I know it's not anything like as serious but it is something I wonder where it came from.

I think it must be a very very difficult decision to make and to be even considering it is remarkably selfless I think.

My nieces have quite a high chance of inheriting a condition from their mum which means having babies is not straightforward. However their mum found this out after multiple miscarriages and difficulties conceiving at all so I guess they would have a 'head start' in that sense?

Original poster

willowriver · 25/01/2015 21:10

It isn't selfless so much as the only decision I feel I can make. I have been completely and utterly drained by my brother over the years.

Perhaps it's easy to say you wouldn't regret it in the abstract but the reality of phone calls at 3 in the morning, of crying, of terrible, crippling anxiety, of financial problems, of seeing someone you love completely disengage from life - would you still not regret it? And would you regret it if you know you would die and leave them helpless and alone in the world?

OP posts:

Eggwhisk · 25/01/2015 21:19

six geese I think we might be carriers of a similar disorder (haemophilia?), I've been fortunate enough not to pass it on to any of my children. We did have genetic counselling and to me the risks were worth it, even though my brother died of complications of the disorder. My daughters also are carriers of the gene and that is something they'll have to consider when having children of their own.

I think obviously it depends on the condition but if people can have a good quality of life it would't have put me off having children

Mmmbacon · 25/01/2015 21:27

Willow, I don't think it's a simple q at all, for you this isn't an abstract scenario based on cousins aunt or uncle, it's already in your life, maybe your q is more personal and along the lines of can you see yourself being a parent to a child with this condition while also still dealing/coping with your dbro,

I have no answer for you, but I wish you and your bro well

NeedABumChange · 25/01/2015 21:45

I wouldn't but then I also wouldn't have children if I knew I would pass on any kind of disease or disability but you can't say that on MN as you will be called a disabilist.

ouryve · 25/01/2015 21:50

Having several family members with autism didn't put me off.

Both the boys do have ASD, themselves, though, and I'll not pretend that it's a walk in the park. I don't regret having them (99.99% of the time) though.

lomega · 25/01/2015 21:53

It would put my off majorly. Mostly because I'd worry about that child's quality of life and ability to live as "normally" as possible. If I knew I carried a genetic disease that would mean my children would be in great pain or unable to do day-to-day things, I would not be having any naturally. (I know adoption is not for everyone but I would, in this situation, opt for that instead.)

It is all very personal though. I know people with varying levels of genetic disability that I'm honoured to have in my life, and they wouldn't be here if their parents had been screened/decided against bio kids/etc because of hereditary health issues...I just see their struggles as well and how difficult and limiting their illnesses can be for them. I don't think I would want to knowingly bring someone into the world that would suffer like that.

Original poster

willowriver · 25/01/2015 21:55

I imagine it's easy to say in the abstract that disability would matter but when it drains your very being from you the unfortunate fact is that it does.

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/01/2015 21:57

NeedABumChange really? Would it not depend on the extent?

I was reading an article about "birth defects" and it included a section on tongue tie. That was relevant to me because DS had a tongue tie but until I read the article I never would have thought of it as a birth defect.

OP I'm sorry you're in this situation. I think I'm your situation I might consider whether a less conventional way of having a child was an option.

Original poster

willowriver · 25/01/2015 22:00

Testing that has occurred to me, but it all seems so very fraught with potential issues and problems.

OP posts:

colafrosties · 25/01/2015 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigCatFace · 25/01/2015 22:06

I have bipolar disorder and am 37 weeks pregnant - my mum has it too but we are very different and cope differently. So no for "possibly" inherited. But for actual genetic disorders? I really can't say. I think it would depend on how life limiting it would be. I don't envy anyone who has to make such decisions.

Original poster

willowriver · 25/01/2015 22:07

Not at all, and I have toyed with the idea of donor eggs.

The problem is because the condition is something I only suspect is handed down - it isn't something that could be nailed down - my worry is that something similar could well come up with donor eggs! A sort of 'better the devil you know' scenario!

OP posts:

GingerCuddleMonster · 25/01/2015 22:09

my genes are fucked up, there in the wrong order and switched around, it has only one consequense. Shit fertility, I got pg accidently with ds after over 15miscarriages .

is still have another if I could, fertility treatment has come on leaps and bounds.

twistedcrisp · 25/01/2015 22:26

Yes, it has for me. I have a genetic (non-fatal) condition and I already have a DS who has it (he was diagnosed before I was) and it's been extremely difficult parenting him and I would not have another. There's no test for it, and I wouldn't consider using donor eggs, so I am content not to have any more children. I don't regret having my DS but his condition takes so much of my energy (as well as the energy needed to deal with my own condition) that I couldn't do him justice if I had another child, even if that child turned out not to be affected. If I'd known about the condition, and the genetic link, and the impact it would have on my life before I'd ever got pregnant, I probably would have chosen not to have children though.

BigCatFace · 25/01/2015 23:04

willow is it chromosomal like Digeorge or something? Maybe you could have karotyping?

lessthanBeau · 25/01/2015 23:07

we found out that mil had HD when dd was about 6 months' old, we were planning on having another one a cpuple of years after her but decided against it after the diagnosis. dh hasn't been tested as we don't want it hanging over us should the test be positive, now dd is 6 I wish I had gone ahead and had another baby whilst I still could. I do have grown up dcs from first marriage though so not as if she has no sibs, if we didn't have those I definitely would have had another and to hell with the consequences.

Sixgeese · 25/01/2015 23:15

eggwhisk I have Protein S deficiency, so unlike my friends who are haemophiliacs and have to take medication to make their blood clot, I have to take daily medication to stop it clotting.

If I don't, I get blood clots which aren't fun, so no long plane flights for me, or extreme sports, no hormone contraceptives and I guess in a few years no HRT to see me through menopause.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread