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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should i report these as missing?

33 replies

flora717 · 25/01/2015 00:05

My ex took my children on holiday last year. He still has their passports. I've asked for them back. He refused.
Our holiday is booked for summer.
Do I report them as lost?
Can I report them as stolen? (Probably not)
I know where they are, after all. I suspect he'll drag it out until a week before just to give me the stress.
I need to decide soon, as if I do get new ones I also need to get visas In good time.

OP posts:
ColdCottage · 25/01/2015 00:08

Who bought them?

AgentZigzag · 25/01/2015 00:10

I don't know what the procedure is either, but I would get new ones if you can just so he hasn't got any control over your holiday, tosser.

I wouldn't tell him either, just so you can piss on his parade when he thinks he's stressed you out

missingmumxox · 25/01/2015 00:11

I would report them missing as you have no proof they aren't.

Original poster
flora717 · 25/01/2015 00:17

Me. I bought them. Obviously they're the DD's property, not mine.

Agent. Yes, that has occured to me, though if he took them off for a short break in Easter I'd probably have to mention it. Then he'd probably do it again. Sad

OP posts:
QuintlessShadows · 25/01/2015 00:19

Will he have to sign for the new passports?

If not, I would report the first set as lost, get them new passports, and not tell him.

Original poster
flora717 · 25/01/2015 00:22

No, he didn't sign last time.
I think I've talked myself into this now.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 25/01/2015 00:25

Why don't you phone the passport office and ask for advice. You dont have to give your name just to ask advice.

God what an arsehole he sounds. Hope you get it sorted

WorraLiberty · 25/01/2015 00:27

I agree with phoning the passport office.

Due2015 · 25/01/2015 00:43

But then you will have to pay again if you cancel them?

FoxgloveFairy · 25/01/2015 02:03

Report as missing. Get new ones re- issued. After all, you paid for them and signed for them,you have no proof of where they are, so that seems the best course.

OriginalGreenGiant · 25/01/2015 02:11

How many dc do you have?

I'm a bit Hmm at everyone saying 'oh yes, just report them missing and get new'.

What's a child's passport nowadays? £50 ish?

Personally op, I'd tell him that you bought them and paid for them and you'll call the police if he refuses to return them.

What reason has he given?

EstRusMum · 25/01/2015 03:20

Tell him that he either gives them to you, or you are getting new ones in which case the ones he has are not valid anymore and he will never take DCs to holiday anymore.

ArsenicFaceCream · 25/01/2015 03:24

The problem comes next time he wants to take them abroad.

When will you tell him?

You can't go through new passport rigmarole every year. What a fuckwit he sounds.

Madamg · 25/01/2015 10:41

Don't report as missing. It can cause problems entering certain countries (America, any excuse to triple check that you are who you say you are).

Instead call passport office and find out if you can apply for a second passport without having to produce the first. Do you know the passport numbers?

If not write a legal sounding letter threatening letter?
In the long run get a second passport so you don't have to hand it back?

MooMaid · 25/01/2015 10:50

Or tell your ex you're reporting them as lost/missing and he won't be able to use them so he might as well save hassle and just give them back. Either way if you reapply he won't be able to use them but passport office may have some advice for you

Icimoi · 25/01/2015 10:58

If he isn't giving them back when asked this is theft. Give him one more chance to return them before calling the police.

ilovesooty · 25/01/2015 11:00

I agree. Tell him he has until the end of the week to return them or you'll be reporting it as theft to the police.

ThePinkOcelot · 25/01/2015 11:03

In future, I wouldn't let him take them abroad again if he's going to act like a total Dick and keep hold if their passports.
I would also call the passport office for advice.

yellowdinosauragain · 25/01/2015 11:25

Do you have proof you paid for them?

I'd call the passport office for advice tomorrow. But unless any better above from then them what is do is this.

Inform him in writing that he has until x date (at least a week during which time you'll normally see him) to return them off his own accord. That if he fails to do so you'll report it to the police as theft, and that is you have to go down this route you will not give him the passports in the future as you can't trust him to return them to you.

What a cunt

AlpacaLypse · 25/01/2015 11:29

Technically, the passports don't belong to you, or your ex, or the children, but remain the property of HM Gov.

Ring them tomorrow and ask. At least it's still the quiet time of year!

fairyfuckwings · 25/01/2015 11:35

The problem with getting new ones is that the passports your ex has will be cancelled. So then, if he does take them away at easter as you mentioned he's going to either need your new passports or he'll have to get new ones and yours cancelled. What an arsehole!

ridiculouslyeversoconfused · 25/01/2015 11:36

Report them as stolen because they are!

WrappedInABlankie · 25/01/2015 11:39

If it were me

I'd get new passports and report them as lost. If then also ask the passport office to put a note on their systems stating that he may ring up to get them cancelled when they're not and can they ring you if this happens.

They have the Same not on my sons file to make sure his 'DF' doesn't cancel his passport

Nerf · 25/01/2015 11:42

Sorry, you've asked him and he said no. On what grounds? Just email and say you have booked a holiday and you need the passports and ehic cards etc by next week. Point out that if he retains them you will have to apply and cancel the existing ones and that really, what's the point of you keep doing that? Come to an agreement.

MetroMonkey · 25/01/2015 11:44

Surely the passports should stay with the children as they belong to them. So if the kids are with you, their passports should also be with you. I'd bet that's the legal view on it, meaning he's completely out of line here.

It's a really big deal actually because in the US, for instance, most cases of kidnapping actually involve a parent without custody or with only reduced visitation rights kidnapping their own child so that they're removed from the custodial parent. I know this isn't an issue for you but legally he shouldn't be acting like an idiot as it can raise all sorts of suspicions!