To ask you all this (hairy-hand related!)

[FarFromAnyRoad]

So just suppose you were a troll for a day. You've got no friends, you don't smell all that good, daylight brings you out in suppurating boils and your toes are webbed. You've got free reign to concoct a bullshit story for an adoring MN audience. What would your subject be? Would you stay and reappear throughout to build your tale or would you dump a doozy and run?
I ask because I'm fairly sure mine wouldn't be about bloody curtains or parking or any other such everyday thing . I'd have blood, shrieks, locked rooms, hidden cameras........oh, wait........... That's been done right? What's the way forward for the modern thinking troll of today?

@ the child named 'Table'

I wasn't the poster who said I'd troll about cheese, but it would be easy!

*DH wants to introduce stilton to our sex play - should I let him?

*My MIL offered to babysit and didn't watch the children properly. They smeared cream cheese all over my Macbook. AIBU to make MIL pay to repair the damage?

*DH pointed the brie at a dinner party with my boss. Now he thinks I'm married to an uncouth peasant and I'm worried I'll lose my job.

I'm worried at how easy I'm finding this.

I used to troll another site...very successfully. American posters in particular were absolutely outraged by me.

My favourite was when I said that, just before Christmas, I'd found some sexy lingerie gift wrapped under my fiancees bed, with a label attached saying. "To Mum, Can't wait to see you modelling these on Christmas morning, Love, your son, Malcolm xxx"

Yes, LTB did come up.

Another one: " Can anyone give me some basic Chinese phrases so that I can communicate with my new 4 month old adopted daughter". Felt a bit bad when a lovely lady posted a long, heartfelt essay about what a wonderful thing I was doing

Hmm, think I'd stick with the tested "I'm new and wanted to say I am shocked at the swearing. I think the moderators should do something about it - AIBU?" Reckon that would run to a few hundred posts.

Hully was very good at it

I'm loving some of these ideas! I want to read the threads.

I love this thread!

Another one that popped to mind;

Chat: should I speak to my friend about this?

My friend who I've known since I was little is getting married, she's sent the invite but it contained a poem requesting money! I think this is really cheeky! I was going to give her some home made vodka and fudge and one of my placenta prints that I had made! My other concern is that I know the grooms having an affair, with my sister! I'd of told her way before they get engaged but my friend has some anger and alcohol issues! Should I tell my friend my concerns or just go and enjoy the day?

I love this! It must be what it feels like to work for take a break

the perfect storm is weddings, poo, mil, parking and dogs. Throw in a side serving of shoes off and texts not answered in 3 seconds and it's a glory day on MN

I recall a particularly inventive troll from another forum got to 30 pages of 100 per page posts with a long made up tale about her DH coming home with blood on his boxers and smelling of men's aftershave different to his own so obviously he'd become gay overnight

Which forum was that? I definitely remember that thread from somewhere I thought it was Mumsnet

For all I know Fight she repeated it here - it's entirely possible. The original forum was on a well known auction site

I love this! It must be what it feels like to work for take a break

I've never thought of it like that before but actually you are absolutely right!

I think I've found a new calling!

I don't need to think of things, I just give my honest opinion on here rather a lot

My neighbour has stolen my rabbit from out its run. I know it's my rabbit even though she's dyed his fur from beige to black, to try disguise the fact.

The rabbit belonged to my ex-DH, who I hate, but I had to keep the rabbit because I was scared that once I'd left him , my ex would take up where he left off with the domestic violence and use the poor rabbit as a punchbag. And the bastard has ruined enough lives without moving onto buggering up the lives of members of different species.

Anyhow, the rabbit has PTSD, as do I, from all we've been through. And we are very much a support to one another. I'm now so depressed at my rabbit being stolen and dyed, that I'm no longer coping. I have holed myself up and am only eating malted milk biscuits and drinking black tea. Without my rabbit I am nothing. I am broke, unemployed, unemployable, traumatised, victim of a pet theft. What I need most of all is lots of money. I need it to take my neighbour to court and regain possession of my beloved bunny. I need it to buy more malted milk biscuits and tea. And therapy for me and the bunny.

How can I get my bunny back. How can I move on. How will my rabbit cope if I can't get him back and if I do, how will I manage without extensive Cognitive Bunny Therapy.

AIBU to want you all to donate £20 each?

Far Yup, that's the place

I think my 13 year old DD's breasts are too small. AIBU to get her a boob job for her birthday?

MIL bought the DC exactly what they wanted for Xmas, offers to babysit so we can go out, compliments me on my clothes & tells DH off if he's out order towards me. What does the interfering bitch think she's doing?

AIBU

My DS has made friends with another boy at school and wants to go to his for a play date.

But the mum smokes and she ties her staffie up at the school gates and I'm worried about what kind of influence it will have on DS.

Plus when the little boy came to our house he didn't even know what quinoa was.

AIBU to ask the teacher to move my son so he no longer sits next to this boy?

I'd definitely be a man for the day (but obviously write like a woman), I think being concerned the wife is having it off with the postman cos he calls every day, get loads of sympathy, then drip feed a load of shite about not letting her out cos men are predators and her place is in the home. Finally I'd have a sock puppet out it as a reverse and nc to reveal my dh is a bully and everyone cheers me on as I ltb then I make it into a book. Will that do for a first attempt or am I missing the poo?

LMGTFY Deffo need to add some poo or even sporn in there for extra pep or maybe even formula feeding?

Fight

Darn it, if only my hands were as hairy as my legs! Perhaps I need to add a poo fetish as the turning point, don't want to get too weird as it'll affect my book research.

I think a real skill - which so far as I know no troll has ever quite managed - is to be a man writing as a woman. They always seem to let themselves down once they get into their stride!

Depends what your definition of trolling is though.

What about starting a post knowing full well its goady and going to start a ruction, is this classed as "trolling" or just being an arse.

Genuine question by the way.

www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/troll

"Make a deliberately offensive or provocative online post with the aim of upsetting someone or eliciting an angry response from them"

Personally I'd say that, for example, the Curtain thread isn't trolling. Posting a deliberately goady thread about rape, racism etc. would be my definition of trolling.

Ok, got it

So starting a goady thread is just attention seeking, putting the cat amongst the pigeons and liking what it produces and trolling is going that extra mile then.