to think that having children is not a "lifestyle choice"

[YorkshireTeaGold]

Sooo, saw a thread on aibu where the op complained about childcare costs and was told by another poster that she shouldn't complain as having kids was a lifestyle choice.

I've heard this so many times recently, both on mn and in rl and it massively pisses me off! My father actually told me not to complain about morning sickness as I wanted children.

I have 2 dcs and think that this is just maintaining the equilibrium of the world. Reproduction is a biological need, like eating or survival, it's not like taking up golf or buying a yacht. I can see maybe having no kids could be a lifestyle choice for some, as could having 9. But a couple? Not a lifestyle choice.

Plus it hides a political issue in that it's really difficult to afford to bring up children atm. I did a online check (think it was in the guardian) and dh and I are 75th centile for earnings. However 1/3 of this goes on the mortgage, 1/3 on childcare and 1/3 to barely cover the bills. It's ridiculous that this is the case, and if only people who truely afforded it had kids then it'd just be an elite minority reproducing. The government should organise the country so an average family can afford to buy a house and work.

Ok I pose the question when did it become a so-called lifestyle choice, who dubbed it that and for what reason. Does anybody know? I don't which is why I'm asking.

To add, best decision I ever made. I would dearly dearly love some more but for various reasons it would be an unwise choice.

it's definitely a life style choice, I didnt chose to have DS he was a happy suprise, but I have chosen to have one more if we can.

A lifestyle choice implies that people choose to have children in order to change their life style rather than a deep biological need to have a child. In some cases the parents don't even have to change their life style much.
I think the change in lifestyle after having kids is a consequence to having kids rather than the desired aim.

Iniquity

We are on the same page I think.

Some people choose to have kids. That's their lifestyle choice.
Some people choose to get married. That's their lifestyle choice.
Some people choose to go to University. That's their lifestyle choice.
Some people choose to go and live in a foreign country. That's their lifestyle choice.
Some people choose to have a tattoo. That's their lifestyle choice.
Some people choose to do none of these things. Guess what?

lifestyle choice does not have anything to do with change a change in life style such as dietary habbits or excersise habbits implies change.

People chose to have children, if you didn't want one you'd take contraception, if you do want one you don't use contraception, it's a choice and it impact your lifestyle, so yes lifestyle choice

Yes jessym everything we do is a choice. Thanks for that.

Ivea She didn't state that 'everything we do is a choice'.

I hear it said far more frequently that people are reluctant to bring children into the world we live in (because it's so dreadful) than that they are procreating out of some altruistic wish to keep humankind going!

Lifestyle choice.
I had to choose foreign holidays or a DC.
I chose DC. If I chose foreign holidays I wouldn't have expected the government to knock the tax off.

Its a choice and something id love! But a choice.

I think it's a lifestyle choice in this day and age. I have 2 DCs and it was a choice DH and I made. It was a choice influenced by biology, but in this age of contraception not made because of biology.

Yanbu having children is not a lifestyle choice. Choosing not to have any children because you want to maintain a certain lifestyle is a selfish choice.

I have only read the op, but would like to suggest that as you have absolutely no grip on population reality, that you refrain from blessing us with further issuing of your genes.

Cantbelieve I read it as that. Everything we do is a choice though anyway, I, for example am right now sitting in my lounge having some wines instead of going for a run.

I took it that the OP was asking why when she was perhaps struggling a little as the society she had her children in wasn't exactly overly supportive of going back to work after having children. She has children now and essentially she should just suck it up because she'd 'made a lifestyle choice'. It's nonsense to not be able to say she's unhappy with the status quo.

If you're unhappy at work you speak to HR, if you're unhappy with a hospital you speak to PALS. If your unhappy with government policy you can protest. I wouldn't expect HR to say tough shit you applied for this job and if you don't like it leave. It's a rough example but never the less. Many families experience the negativity for having children in this society and to equate having a family and a human need to form groups as a lifestyle choice with deciding to go organic free range and vegan, Range Rover vs Prius is ludicrous as far as I'm concerned.

Family life shouldn't be dictated to by economy in that having children or no children is down to affordability as then as other PPs have said only the super rich should breed.

For the record I do think it's imperative one should support their children themselves but things don't always go according to plan so after having children, going back to work and struggling with child care becomes an issue because of a changing economy (I doubt anyone can predict changing economic trends and fluctuating markets to a tee), stock crashes, life events or whatever I think to say it's your fault because you made a lifestyle choice is an odd thing to say.

I agree that it is a biological imperative. People overestimate how much free will they have.

Not sure I understand your argument OP. If as you say having no kids is a lifestyle choice and having nine is a lifestyle choice, then how is having one or two not a lifestyle choice?

What also need to be taken into count is the motivation behind any choice be it ration, logical, biological whatever it may be

most of the time the reason behind the choice is "want" people want children, the same way people want chocolate.

Some people say they need a child granteed but then this is generally followed by the sentace "because it will make my life complete/full/happy" and that's how they want their life to be like.

I agree but what causes that want I am trying to understand. Some people go to great expense for IVF, some have more babies are near death during previous labours. That's not a rational choice is it.

Having children is more than a lifestyle choice as far as I'm concerned.

I see where the OP is coming from. It is a biological imperative for many people. And if the government manages to call everything a lifestyle choice, they ditch yet more of their basic responsibilities. So - you didn't have to have a child, so we'll only pay benefits for you, not for the child.

I think people like to think they're not animals and ALL of Britain could 'choose' tomorrow to have no further children with minimal impact to society. Bollocks to that. On an individual level it's a choice, socially it would be seen and felt as disastrous and so there are strong drivers to maintaining high levels of reproduction.

2 of mine were IVF and I nearly died having them,they are still a lifestyle choice as far as I'm concerned.

I honestly think this prevailing sense of entitlement as regards children and funding the cost of raising children is half the reason so many people are in debt. The time to worry about childcare and expense is several years before ttc not up the path of the nursery on the first morning.

Do people honestly think having a sahp or childcare pays for itself and do people really think others are responsible for their temporary years of austerity when paying for childcare? It's madness.

the "want" is divided, mostly down to social norm now however. I can't say I've ever let my ovaries make a decision that effects my life.