to think teen mothers get too much stick?

[Blackout234]

I'm technically a "Teen mum" (Although im 20 in 3 weeks, so will be 20 when baby is here) but no one bats an eyelid really, my sister however is also pregnant, at 16. She has been spat at, she is frequently laughed at (Definitely at her i have witnessed it "hahaha look at Sis's name what a slut/slag/whatever"), horrible looks off strangers and people she has known, really really horrible comments off her DP's family (her and dp have been together for 3 years so its not like shes known him 5 minutes). Her DP is working full time in 2 jobs equating to about 80-90 hours a week, full time non stop with the odd day off every so often. he will be giving up the lowest paid job (Daytime job) when baby arrives but is currently using it to save up and have a "Cushion" for the first few months. i have to say they have done brilliantly, my sis has had the odd tantrum as 16 year olds do but tbf she is doing amazingly considering
just some of the comments she have had so far (Online and IRL)
"Oh look another teen whore who will be spend spend spending at the taxpayers expense"
"Ridiculous, someone tell me they've reported this slut to SS"
"hahaha she wont know shit she'll be sticking the bib on its arse and the nappy on its head, silly girl"
and the most vile so far...
"Someone kick it out of her and get her a goldfish instead" there are hundreds more but they'd take too long to write down. what i simply don't understand is why its ok to say this to a 16 year old? Or even about one? The only difference between a 16 year old FTM and a 29 year old FTM IMO is maturity, they can overcome financial problems, educational problems and other problems with support, but tell me a 29 year old FTM has never suffered in this world? If i handed a newborn baby to a childless 16 year old and then to a childless 30 year old i doubt either would have much of a clue of what to do!
On the other hand, im 19 turning 20, and for the sake of 3 years i have had nothing but well wishes and support, I really do not get it!
Also EVERYONE becomes an overbearing MIL.
16yr old sis is only 25 weeks and has had every piece of advice going rammed up her rectum and down her throat over and over, to the point she feels like screaming "YES I WILL BREASTFEED AND MY BABY WILL NEVER EAT JUNK FOOD OR WEAR ASDA CLOTHING OR EVEN SNEEZE IN THE WRONG DIRECTION AND YES I BLOODY KNOW THAT I HAVE TO USE NON BIO WASHING POWDER" (Quoted from herself) Yet no one does this to me, because im 3 years older so i automatically "Know" how to be a mum right? (erm,nope) so...
aibu to ask you why people do this? whats the problem with teenage mothers anyway? ive never met a cider drinking weed smoking pill popping pregnant 14 year old, although I read about them all the time in the daily mail!

Also, the presumption (Which has been applied to my sis alot unfortunately) that women get pregnant for council housing...
"Okay miss blackout, you can get a job 9-5 with the rest of your time as your own, work your way to the top, have a nice car and a nice home and a good life, or you can live on benefits changing nappies, making feeds, never going out and being a frazzled sick covered mess 24/7, then can go back to work part time when your child is 5 (As you'd never afford childcare for full time) but you'll spend a year looking for a job as you have a 6-7 year career gap and no applicable up to date skills , BUT YOU WILL GET A COUNCIL HOUSE QUICKER! which will it be?" Do people REALLY do that? what logic is that?

Breathe.
Don't read the Mail:
and, does your sister use some sort of open social media?
What's wrong with Asda clothes?

Lol, I know i need to breathe (It does set me off though, fear the wrath of my hormones, daily mail readers!) a few have come out with stuff like "awww don't get cheapie asda or tesco clothes for the baby you should spoil them while they're young!" Yeah cos any sane human being will spend £100 on a baby grow that will last 2-3 months and end up sick and shit covered

whats the problem with teenage mothers anyway?

When you've had your baby, come back and tell us how keen you are for them to have a baby at 16.

There's no excuse for nasty comments...but a 16 year old having a baby is...sad. There's so much more to life, stuff they will never experience. They've barely entered the real world at 16. So it's not exactly something you want to encourage either.

People forget that years gone by and in half the world 16 was pretty normal. People should hug and support every new mum as they do a hard job and it's tough. Those that slate them should go polish their halo elsewhere

Being a good mother has nothing to do with age. People like to make assumptions though and for some reason, like to believe the stereotypes they read about in the Mail and see on crappy tv programmes.

I think that may be more to do with the kind of people your sister associates with or the places she goes (NO excuse for it)

I work with young parents - while feeling people are being a bit tutty is common what you describe certainly isn't.

there is a massive difference between 20 and 16 though - 16 year olds can sometimes need a lot of support

I don't think at the age of 16 it's ideal to have a baby.

It's happened now and she is 25 weeks. I don't know why people go around verbally and physical abusing a pregnant women.

I hope she phoned tag police on the person who spat on her.

what's wrong with wearing Asda?

People judge. The chances are she will struggle as a younger mum in a million different ways an older mum won't. 'Cos that's what the statistics say will happen. But as an educated to Masters level professional who was well-travelled and didn't marry till the age of 30 and who didn't have children until she had been with her husband for 6 years and not before we were comfortably off with our own business....I can assure you that doing things the 'right' way is no guarentee of anything. Sure as hell didn't stop the now ex husband running off with the younger secretary and leaving me a single mum of 3!

I am sure your sister will be fine. Life is what you make it. Having a baby is a normal part of life and not the end of it. She may find things difficult for a while - she may not - but where there's a will there's a way and it's certainly not the end of the world that the statistics would have us believe it is.

I agree with OriginalGreenGiant, there will be good and bad parents of all ages of course.

My Mum was a teen mum. The plus points are physically she found it easy and it had no impact on her career (she didn't have one), now her flock have flown my parents are looking forward to retirement and spending their own money on them, rather than uni fees or dc's weddings (like most of their friends).

In essence I agree with OGG.

The nasty comments are of course completely out of order and very much a negative reflection of the people saying the comments. As hard as it must be for your sister, she needs to develop a thick skin (at least outwardly). And a death stare. People who make these kind of comments to her are seeking a reaction.

I think it's more a case of your sister knowing some horrible people.

But, as others have, said. A girl having a boyfriend at 13 and getting pregnant at 16 is not ideal.

*didn't start a career until early 20's.

Because people will judge you no matter what. Especially over parenting. I was a teenage mother and experienced it all. The best thing to do is smile and prove them all wrong. I'm always sure to smile at the lady who used to judge me, whilst she's making me my lunch, in subway.
Age has nothing to do with ability to be a parent, it depends on the individual and if they are too thick to see that then clearly they need to spend more time focusing on there own lives.
That said, I would not want my DD to have a baby young and would be sure she knew how difficult it was/is.
I achieved what I wanted to achieve - but it was 100x harder with a baby on my back. X

the comments IRL (and spitting on) is when she went to the local costcutters, 5 minutes away from the house, the comments were coming off so called friends on social media too (She now has binned her twitter and fb) it doesn't stop the comments and looks she gets now while out and about(Where she should be free to nip down to the shops for a pint of milk or some bread). Its normally kids or pensioners coming out with this sort of stuff with the odd judgeypants middle aged woman, either way its not right.
sister is 17 in march, im 20 in feb, so literally just 3 years between us, for the sake of 3 years I can't see the reason for such a massive difference in how we are treated by professionals (whole different thread, poor sis is all im saying),friends, family and locals etc.

The problem with a under 18 parent is that it's very difficult to get tenancy, so the mother and baby often stay in the parental home.

The education is not yet complete and although possible to get a degree it's harder with a child.

I've never heard a rule about using non bio washing powder and I'm almost 40. That's just a marketing ploy to force people to buy a separate stain removal product surely? My children haven't suffered any ill health through being exposed to those nasty washing powders, because they are all rinsed off.

There's a world of difference between being 16 and 19. If you can't see that, YABU.

As others have said, there's so much more to be doing at 16 than having a baby. It is quite sad... Of course people shouldn't be so awful to her but it does feel like such wasted life or opportunity to tie yourself down so young.

I actually think 19 turning 20 is a bit too young actually.

Sorry, to be serious, I think the problem is that your sister clearly knows some really horrible people, and I'm sorry she is being subjected to this abuse.

If it is any consolation at all, people are also very very judgemental about older mothers, albeit in a different way.

I believe it stems from the fact that some people are fortunate enough to have had a wonderful time in their teens and twenties and think that anyone who has a baby in this age range is missing out on this.

However, for many people the "salad days" aren't so much a blast as a wet weekend.

I have a very close friend who had her dd at 16. She went to a grammar school, a RG university and is wise, kind and all kinds of wonderful.

Who knows what would have happened had she not had a baby at 16 - I am sure she'd still be incredible - but all our lives have 'what of' moments in them we can't control. All you can do is be the best you can be.

My friend not only inspires me but humbles me every day.

*What if, not of.