Examples of weirdness from inlaws.

[lovelydoggies]

Not sure if I'm posting in the right section but I'm talking about weird, unreasonable or plain bonkers behaviour from Mils, Fils, Sils....the lot.
I could write a book about mine, I don't know where to start.
One example comes to mind of Mil....she totally refused to spell any of my children's names right. When I used to tell her all she would say was "does it really matter".....
I mean what do you say to that.

I have been married 17 years and go every year to pil for Christmas. This year mil was insistent on having a family photo. Both me and SIL where told to "get your phones out then" and proceeded to gather FIL her sons, my Dh and GC. Obviously me and SIL had nothing to do with her GC. We also have smaller plates than the menfolk and are served last.

As DS's first Xmas present MIL presented him with a basket full of polystyrene pieces which she was really exited for him to play with because he "doesn't want proper toys at that age"

It was all done with the best of intentions and me and DP still laugh about it...she's a lovely woman just a bit nuts!

Sorry to go off at a thread tangent but I have to warn about this:-

As DS's first Xmas present MIL presented him with a basket full of polystyrene pieces which she was really exited for him to play with

If anyone's child is ever given this packing material to play with PLEASE throw it away immediately.

Children have died by ingesting small bits of polystyrene which have choked them. The polystyrene does not show up on XRays so medics don't realise what's happening until it's too late.

This is not a jugemental post - just a warning.

I didn't let him play with it, as I sad I thought it was a bit of a nuts present.
Should have added that It was also a very dangerous one. Sorry

My MIL took lots of pictures at a family wedding, I wasn't in a single one of them.

I was the bride!

Some of these are obviously descriptions of severe mental illness. One poster even said the woman concerned had ended up in a psychiatric ward. But because we're talking about mothers in law, it's "inlaw weirdness" and it's OK to mock.

Hakluyt......the majority of the story's on here are about people who certainly aren't mental, just rather weird and some very nasty. Some people have great inlaws and have actually said some of the posts on here make them appreciate how fortunate they are. Why should we excuse weird nasty behaviour by saying its because of mental illness. We should never excuse nasty behaviour by saying it's because of mental illness. No it's just plain nasty. You need to lighten up.

"why should we excuse wierd nasty behaviour by saying its because of mental illness"?

Well if it's because of mental illness then of course we should

to be honest the people I know with mental health problems are not 'weird and nasty' at all, far from it.
And the weirdest and nastiest people I have met have undoubtedly been quite sane, just plain vile.

Well obviously we should if someone is mental. So really we shouldn't ever discuss nasty behaviour then just in case they might be mental. We wouldn't have much to talk about on here would we.

Hakluyt, I'm sorry but possible mental illness does not excuse years if nasty, cruel behaviour. Do the people who have been on the other side of some vile abuse not get a voice, just because the one causing it may have mental health issues/neurological conditions? Anyway, sometimes that's just used as an excuse, MH does not make people infallible to criticism.

Having a go at me for being pregnant with twins. She's a bully anyway so it was expected. Oh an apparently I'm going to make my stb 4yo do all the housework and abandon her when they come

Most people say "mentally ill" rather than "mental".

One of the most extreme examples down thread included the detail that the Mil concerned had ended up in a psychiatric hospital. And many others can only be explained in terms of mental health. Are you really saying that people who have mental health problems should be judged exactly the same way as those that don't?

I think the trouble is that when vileness is attributed to MH, it actually worsens the MH stigma. Lots of examples of awful behaviour cannot be attributed to MH problems, but if we "excuse" them by saying that they are then it just reinforces already misguided assumptions iyswim.

Fwiw my ILs are nowhere near as bad as some of these varying degrees of awfulness, but they are bad enough for DH to have reduced contact to a minimum. It's quite sad really, but then there are oddballs in every family - your friends are the ones you get to pick.

Actually, let's look at it slightly differently; if some of this behaviour CAN be attributed to MH problems, does it make the impact of the behaviour any less painful? Just because there is a reason for it, IMHO it doesn't erase the effects of that behaviour on others.

Ohfour, you put it perfectly, especially the second post. As a child of two parents with MH issues (one hid it very well), some people have no idea how hurtful it is to have years of abuse dismissed as 'oh but they had MH issues, they couldn't help it could they, you should do more to help them'. Its ignorant and really unheplful to MH community in general. I've suffered from depression in the past, if I was being a 'mental asshole' I'd want someone to pull me up on it, not assume its ok at all. OK rant over

itsnotme - they are often completely separate entities.

Fwiw I also suffer from depression and will probably be on ADs for life.

Have I treated people badly in the past? Yes. I've failed to keep in contact with people who I care about very much, I've gone to ground, kept myself to myself (MN is my only outlet - sorry!).

Do I feel bad about this? Yes. Undoubtedly.

Does that excuse me from pissing people off by not staying in touch? Of course not. I've annoyed people and just because I'm not 100% in terms of my mental health, it doesn't change the outcome.

Would I change it if I could? Undoubtedly. And I think this is where the difference is. If someone has a MH problem and they hurt someone, they are more likely to regret their actions and regret causing pain. Vile people (I.e. Where mental health is not a factor) do not - in fact it is normally a raison d'être to specifically cause pain.

Just my opinion

Also, if the persons being criticised here do have MH problems then it is their responsibility to go to the doctor and get help. One relative I have is a ducking pain in the arse, clearly got MH issues, will she seek help? No she will not. So we have to put up with her causing pain to others. I'm an adult and I let her wash over me, knowing her torment is worse than anything she can cause me to feel but it's especially unfair on her children to pretend that her behaviour is beyond criticism just because she may have MH issues.

All the nastiest people I know are most definatly sane.

The few people I know who have suffered anxiety and depression are the nicest gentlest souls around.

Got to reiterate my mil was an angel and I adore my stbdil. Her own mother is horrible so she's going to be another dd to us. That's fine, we love her. She's far too good for ds.

You sound ace thebody

If I asked very nicely, would you adopt DH?