To ask what the hell is up with people judging children's names?!

[WonderingWillow]

Just that, really. When my DS was born, we gave him a classic first name and a middle name we really loved but was a little more unusual.

My parents came to meet DS, and when they asked his name, my mum sniggered and barely covered her laugh, and said "well, we like the FIRST name, but NOT the middle name!!" And my dad just sat there sneering.
When we saw them just before Christmas, my mum said over a cup of tea "so is his middle name still X? God, did you actually put it on the birth certificate?!" He is 4 now!

Also, I've a friend whose second daughter has a really lovely, but unusual name. It sounds gorgeous, but she had family actually say to her "please don't call your DD that name" when she was PREGNANT.

what the hell? I would never have the bare faced cheek to say that to anyone, and would expect to be given a damn good ignoring for a while!

What gives people the right? Why are people so rude? AIBU to think that if you don't like a baby's name when the parent tells you, you nod and smile and compliment the new parent on their choice anyway and then keep your opinions to yourself?

It is all very subjective, though. (I say this as someone whose family tends to stick to the most traditional, easily pronounced and spelled names you can imagine.)

My nephew is in his early 20s now. He has a name that is now pretty mainstream but I suppose it was less so when he was born. My mother was aghast when she first heard it, but nobody turns a hair now when it's mentioned.

Re Princess and social work, Tallulah and teaching - I just can't see the problem. People's suitability for jobs should be judged on their CV, not their names. I know that doesn't always work in practice but it certainly would in the public sector where they are fairly good at sticking to equal opps practices in shortlisting and interviewing.

Mathyew - yes, that's a problem. It would drive me nuts to have to go through the spelling every single time.

I'm with you on Princess and Tinkerbell, Free. I don't see Tallulah as fitting in as one of those names. But it isn't a name I would use anyway.

My DH has talked me down from wanting to use Persephone. I think it's a wonderful name but perhaps Cardiff isn't ready for yet.

Yes, it's rude to comment. Kids' names are a minefield as what one person might consider chav others won't and people's views on names change over time....while currently it might be considered better to name your son Tarquin than Jaden/Kaden/Baden/Tyler/Ellie-Mai/Susie-Mai etc etc this could all change! I do think parents do need to think ahead though, so as to enable their child a decent chance in the playground and the job market.

We have a lovely little Fairybelle in our school, a Joaxel, Linden, Marisol and Elisheva. I'm wonder if their parent's look at the Victoria's, Jame's, Ellen's and Madison's and wonder why on earth their parent's could not have come up with something better?

a friend of mine was deciding what name to give her baby in hospital. h had the baby in my arms at the time and my friend and her family collectively agreed on Rhianna her sister is named shakira her other sister has Mariah and beyonce. i am not making this up. I didn't say anything but I cringe every time they call their kids in public.

It's Jayden isn't it op.

I grew up in South Africa, a lot of different names there. Went to school with an Evidence, Twinkle, Promise, and (bless her heart) Gay.

Fairybelle - gosh. Very cute on a tiny girl, less so on a middle-aged woman.

In the late 50s and early 60s Tracy was a posh name. Grace Kelly's character in High Society was called Tracy and so was James Bond's wife in On Her Majesty's Secret Service. It didn't take long for massive popularity to make it a much more downmarket name.

There's a character in the Old Testament called Abbadun. I've always imagined him introducing himself at parties, "Hello there, I'm Abbadun."

I think it's rude to comment once the baby is born, although people always have differing opinions. I deliberately didn't want a popular name as I wanted my son to be more unique and I'm sure people will have judged behind my back but never said anything to my face and that's the way I like it!! I always find the 'other kids will be harsh' argument odd as I find other children tend to be the least judgmental. Kids who have met my son simply accept his name and go off and play.

Because some names are dreadful. And I think people close to the child have a duty to point this out.

I understand why the judging happens...
Names are a taste thing, we don't all have the same favourite food so why would we all like the same names.
With 'out-there' unusual names, I can see how they happen and can shock parents/friends. I think you can easily think a name is lovely in your head not knowing anyone with the name to be able to 'picture' what it would be like to be called that, you say it to DP who in the excitement of it all gets caught up with the name too. We can easily not realise how awkward or different a name can sound. We definitely see the name we choose for our own child differently to how others see it.
I was determined to call DS one name, until I heard a mother shriek it in a shop and I realised how pretentious and ridiculous it sounded.

I agree it is not worth it or OK to share your true opinion though unless someone is asking pre-birth/naming. Once a child has a name then it is their name. You wouldn't tell a child or grown adult to their face their name is hideous - so don't tell their mother!!

DS has a very unusual name that is traditionally more common as a surname. It has family connections as a first name though and I do love it.

I was anxious about people hearing it for the first time, generally people weren't overtly critical but made an "oh" sound so I'm guessing the bulk of people didn't love it. Now he's older and cheekier and 'owns' his name (or perhaps because I now say it with confidence!) people are much more positive about it!

I look like a bit of a 'hippy' and a lot of people assume it's spelt differently/ hip and people have actually been surprised and have said "Oh, that's much nicer" when they are aware of the actual spelling.

I hope he loves his name when older. When I worked in a school environment I noticed there was about a 50/50 split between traditional names and unusual ones. I try not to judge as really, what's in a name. Of course certain names have different connotations and connections for me but they might be totally different for someone else.

I agree with PPs that a child can be picked on regardless of the name.

I like all these "unusual" names and I say that as someone who has given her DD's very traditional names.

Variety is good IMO.

I tend to have prejudices against names because people I've known in the past had that name. There was an older boy at my school called Graham, and he was a horrible bully in quite a sadistic way. I've never liked that name since. And opposite my house lived a Martin who was a dreadful mummy's boy. I tend to look on all Martins as complete drips. It's hard to break this conditioning.
I think one should never underestimate the connotations and associations which attach to a name. Calling one's son Fluffy may seem unusual and original, but people will giggle and think of baby rabbits and kittens. And when he's a man he can hardly go into an interview and be told, "Er...sit down...er...Fluffy". Parents can name their child as they wish of course, but it's only kind to point these things out.
Mostly I reckon it's attention-seeking and a wish to stand out and be different. Children however just want to fit in with all the others.

DD is TTC. I can't imagine saying anything along the lines of "Are you really going to call him/her that?" or saying years later "Is he/she still called that. Did you put it on the birth certificate?" Even if I'm not mad about a name, my job is to love any grandchilden I am lucky to have, not judge their parent's choice of names.

And yy, if someone is intent on making fun of someone's name, they'll find a way to do it, no matter what the name is.

I agree that judging names has always happened even with kids - my DP grew up with a surname that rhymes with carrot and has red hair - but it's still a choice many adults make just for fun. My mother is ruthless about names, she enjoyed making mean puns of everyone including my name when I was a child and when I announced my eldest her first action was to mock the name (very ordinary one but it isn't what she wanted). I remind myself that she is not one to talk as two of her three kids changed their names as soon as legally possibly. I've seen adults do it far more than kids, which is quite sad.

I do get confused by parents who want brownie points for 'edgy' / different / cool names, like a former classmate of mine who while White as snow picked 2 (very different) American Indigenous nations as names for their child and acted as if we, especially those of us from them, should think it was cool and honouring and seemed confused when we shrug and said we don't usually name our kids by our nations anymore than my DP would name our kids England and moved on without the praise she obviously wanted...much like when people name their kids Pocahontas for the wow and get told that it isn't a historical name (her name was Matoaka and the Powhatan Renape nation still exists so still use their names), it's a nickname - essentially cheeky monkey. Name your kids what you want but don't use it to send a message about yourself to others because it'll most fall flat and/or confuse in my experience.

Talulah is a lovely name and I know several lovely, clever, normal girls with it. No-one has ever thought twice about the name having any stripper-ish connotations. We all have our own views on and reactions to names often depending on people we have known. These views are changed by new people we know with the name. That's nice.

Dd goes to preschool with a Valdimir

Aside from the cat in Cinderella being called Lucifer I really dont know what is so pearl clutchy about it?

If someone were discussing names with me while they were pregnant my reaction would depend on my relationship with the mother. With a close family or friend I'd be honest and say I didn't like a name. If it's someone I don't have that sort of relationship with, if they gave me a list of names I'd say something like "they're all nice, but I really like x" and pick the best name on the list.

Once the deed's done and the name is registered, there's no point saying anything, it's just rude.

I don't mind some "out there" names, but there are some names that I would be a bit . Personally I cannot stand unique spellings, it just comes across as poor spelling. Again, I wouldn't say anything though, partly out of politeness, partly out of it being none of my business.

Last year I met baby Michelangelo ! Long and heavy name to carry !

I enjoy learning about names and their stories behind them. Some are my taste, some aren't. But I ask about them anyway because I'm interested. I really hope it doesn't come across as rude!

Oh, and MN-I met a Ptolemy! Couldn't believe it. Nice enough kid. But I never believed it was a real name.

My DD has the same name as a month of the year. She was not born in that month. People always ask if she was and laugh when we say no. They then usually say "will your next ones be March, August and September" or some such 'hilarious' quip.

I couldn't care less if they laugh as I'm comfortable with my choice of name. But some people call their children ridiculous names and it's cruel, and if love to know WTF they're thinking. I was in a shop recently and someone was shouting at their DD who was called "Silver". I mean FFS what is the reasoning behind that? I think people do forget it's a person not a doll they're naming

Sorry posted too soon - if someone calls their child an 'interesting' name that will draw negative attention, make their peers laugh and potential employers turn them down (all for the sake of parents gratification and no consideration for the person who actually has to live with it) dam right I will judge

I don't have a good poker face so when the woman at school told me her dd was called lollipop I don't think I hid my surprise. My brother recently met a mum who's da was playing with his. The other child was called malaria. How do you react positively to that?!

I have had 5 children - 4 still alive today, of those 5 three have been give solid unarguably mainstream names and nobody has ever commented on them in a positive or negative manner.
However my youngest 2 DDs do have more unusual names although neither are what I would describe as off the wall.
Despite this they have been commented on over the years and one family member called them "marmite" names ie you either love or hate them - there is no take it or leave it.

DD2 has a very modern name but not one with any celebrity connotations so we felt it was unlikely to date her - it's just a rarely used name but one we felt was pretty and had an appropriate meaning.

DD3 has a name with a literary and historic connotation - it appears to be very rare and when we registered her the registrar said it was the first time in 25 years she'd recorded that name - but she loved it regardless.
Until she was born we had decided on a completely different name for DD3 (we knew her sex before birth) but she just didn't look like what we had chosen and so we had a total re-think. For a whole week she was baby X until we found what we thought was perfect.

I think that other people should keep their opinions to themselves - naming a child is a very personal process and each and every name has a reasoning behind it which is individual to the parents.

Initially we had some raised eyebrows about what we named our DDs but over time family and friends have come around to them and now you couldn't possibly imagine them as anything different as they suit what we called them.