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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be 'Mummy'?

348 replies

Iamintwominds · 17/01/2015 17:57

Dd is approaching one and there are some babbles of 'ma ma mama mama' which are cute.

Recently I have been thinking about this and I'm not altogether sure I want to be 'mummy.' I wondered if anyone else was known by their first name which is what I presume would replace Mummy?

OP posts:
UngratefulMoo · 17/01/2015 22:27

DD is 17mo and calls me Mama. I much prefer it to Mummy so that is what I call myself - hope I can get it to stick!

GraysAnalogy · 17/01/2015 22:28

I don't really understand this. Your child is one, you say you refer to yourself as 'me or I' when telling your daughter to give you something for example, but what do other people call you then when talking to your daughter?

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 17/01/2015 22:28

www.mothersdaycelebration.com/mother-in-different-languages.html

How about mum in a different language

Original poster
Iamintwominds · 17/01/2015 22:29

What will I tell my daughter? I guess just that I prefer being 'first name' :)

Grays, I didn't say that she would. I said that disrespect came from how the name is said not what the name is. To me, LUCY shouted is rude, mummy? politely is not, and vice versa. But the point is the disrespect comes from the tone, not the title.

Not sure why you're being so belligerent in your response to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamintwominds · 17/01/2015 22:30

I think that would sound a bit silly to be honest piper :) as we are english through and through!

Grays, I don't know really. Not given it much thought.

OP posts:
Verbena37 · 17/01/2015 22:30

As a teen I used to call my mum 'maman' as I was pretty fluent in French and it suited her. Now I still call her mummy or maman and sometimes mum. My two are now 13 and 9 and they generally call me mummy (older dc calls me mum more).

But a couple of years ago, to get my attention, DS started calling by my first name and it sounded so sweet....and I always said when they were little, that if they lost me in a shop, to shout my first name, not mummy.

In France, they only have one word for mum, 'maman' and so even when their mum is 80, their kids still use that word. Not sure why we have mummy and mum. I feel old if mine say mum!!

GraysAnalogy · 17/01/2015 22:32

when you're around other people and they're talking to your daughter have then never said 'pass that to your mummy' or something along those lines?

Original poster
Iamintwominds · 17/01/2015 22:34

From time to time yes. Why? :) I called my dad 'my dad' when referring to him but if I wanted to get his attention I said his first name. Not disrespectful at all.

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 17/01/2015 22:36

I was just wondering. I suppose it might be a bit confusing for her at first until she realises the differences but it works for other people so I'm sure it would you.

And I haven't said its disrespectful. That's not how I'd describe it.

KirjavaTheCat · 17/01/2015 22:36

DP doesn't call either of his parents mum or dad, always their first names.

His dad did that because he was 17 when he had him and didn't want anyone to think that he'd had a kid, so when he had to take him out people would think he was his little brother.

His mum because she wanted to be his best mate.

It's always been really, really weird to hear him speak to them like they're just acquaintances of his or something.

Original poster
Iamintwominds · 17/01/2015 22:37

No, but other people did and I was responding to them :)

OP posts:
Tigresswoods · 17/01/2015 22:37

I prefer "mum" but he also calls me "mummy". Some of my friends are very definite that they are "mummy" & it cannot be shortened
I detest "mama"!

Go with what works for you.

Original poster
Iamintwominds · 17/01/2015 22:39

Mama reminds me of a wind up doll Grin

OP posts:
Greywackejones · 17/01/2015 22:39

I question what happened to you where this word is such an anathema.
And yes it is peculiar. I've seen countless threads on here but in 4yrs this is a first on this.
And this isn't ultimately about you, is it? It's about your daughter. She's babbling but mama she already knows and knows is you. You are suggesting teaching her, other. So you are going to teach her now she's wrong. That everyone around her is wrong.

I know you feel this is normal, I'm really not convinced. A first for me but I'm actually concerned for pnd, depression, overwhelment or other. Well I say concerned, not like I'm going to stalk you or make you attend therapy. But there's a disconnect. Somewhere.

GraysAnalogy · 17/01/2015 22:40

God I hate the PA/smarmy smiles.

Original poster
Iamintwominds · 17/01/2015 22:43

I don't think it's wrong. It's just not my preferred title.

There are some names I just don't like the sound of, and some I do. I named my daughter Poppy. I've heard that slated on baby names here - some people say it's twee. Obviously I don't agree :) but not everyone likes it.

I don't like the sound of Mummy, Mother or Mum (or Ma.) Mummy is very twee and makes me think of Enid blyton books, as does mother. Mum is probably the most preferable out of them all but all in all when I thought about it (and I hadn't particularly) I realised my preferred form of address is my first name.

Not being addressed as Mum doesn't stop me being her mum, any more than calling my dd Poppy means she stops being my daughter.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamintwominds · 17/01/2015 22:46

Grays, it's not pa - to be honest I've been struggling to know how to respond to you as you just seem determined to be antagonistic and to be honest pretty overbearing in your responses. I feel like I'm on trial at the stand!

I've included a few :) not to be PA but to try and keep things light.

People seem to think I have a problem: i have no idea if for whatever reason this thread has struck a chord with you but if it has I'm afraid that's your issue, not mine. I've been reasonable throughout and if you feel that I have been aggressive, passive or otherwise, or smarmy, then I regret that but the issue lies with your interpretation, not with me or my responses.

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 17/01/2015 22:47

You haven't really thought about how she might feel though have you, just all about you and your preferences - all because you don't like the sound of it?

It's your decision anyway and you aren't looking for a change of heart so hay ho.

GraysAnalogy · 17/01/2015 22:48

If you didn't want people asking questions and posting opinions why make a thread Confused unless you just wanted a load of 'yes hun it's fine you do what you think is best'

WorraLiberty · 17/01/2015 22:48

This thread has just reminded me of my brother Grin

When he was about 7yrs old, he called my Mum by her first name out of the blue.

My Mum told him off and said, "You mustn't call me X, it's very rude!"

A couple of weeks later he went to the shop on the corner of the road. The shopkeeper smiled and said, "How's your Mum, I haven't seen her in a while? What's her name again?"

My brother looked him in the eye and said, "My Mum has a very rude name, so I'm not allowed to tell you what it is" Grin

The shopkeepers face was like this... Confused

CheerfulYank · 17/01/2015 22:50

DS is old now at seven :) so he calls me Mom. DD is a little toddler still in the Mama stage, which I expect will be Mommy next year and then Mom eventually.

You can of course do what you like OP but I would think it very odd and...formal.

Original poster
Iamintwominds · 17/01/2015 22:51

Well, as I've said, I called my dad his first name - it didn't make me 'feel' anything really.

If of course she wants to call me mum or mummy, she can! I'll answer to anything within reason, but in the early stages of dialogue she'll follow my lead and I think I'm going to encourage my first name as I prefer it.

I honestly can't think why this has evoked such a strong response in you and it's difficult having a discussion as so much of it depends on how my daughter 'might' feel. I don't for a moment imagine she'll feel anything as I think being a mother, a parent, really is so very much more than the title and I hope to do a good job at it, which of course isn't to say I won't make a mighty mess from time to time!

OP posts:
Original poster
Iamintwominds · 17/01/2015 22:53

Grays, of course I wanted opinions but some of the opinions you have put forward arent so much opinions as aggressive questioning that tries to place me in a terrible light, which just isn't true!

Obviously, I'm going to contradict that, but I am afraid no one has put forward a watertight reason as to why I should use Mummy and should avoid my first name.

Worra Grin

OP posts:
in2theblues · 17/01/2015 22:53

Can't stand the baby talk 'Mummy will help you.' or 'Give it to Mummy'. Keep it grammatical - I or me.

So replacing Mummy with your name in those circumstances will still be incorrect.

My son had a dilemma when learning grammar and said his name was Joshmeare. I'm thought that at two years old he was playing a grammatical joke on his stupid parents because he's really clever. If not, he got over it.

I have, recently, insisted that I'm called 'Mummy' not 'Mum' because it sounds posh but no-one has taken any notice.

MrsTawdry · 17/01/2015 22:56

I think I'd prefer "Mame" as it sounds more...interesting..."Put the Blame on Mame"

Or like Little Women "Marmie" to rhyme with smarmy! Grin