Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to confront my boss about this

104 replies

disgustedemployee · 13/01/2015 09:55

Hi all, I have name changed.

Long story short, I have been a PA in a firm of three people (me and my two bosses) for nearly a year. One of my bosses (we will call him A) was having a conversation with me yesterday and I started talking about how we are renovating our house at the moment and how I am worried whether we will finish within budget as things always cost more than you think.

Anyway, he then said to me "I know I shouldn't say this but I want to help you out so I want you to wear hold ups at work and I will give you £100 a week tax free if you do. You don't have to wear them to and from work, you can change into them here. I also won't pressure you to say yes to this but it would cheer me up and give me something to look forward to. Oh, and I would also want to see the tops of them. I could just give you the money but that wouldn't be right."

I was so shocked and taken aback that I just kind of said "no way in a million years" and left the room.

I stewed on it all night (and got more and more angry) and told my husband this morning. He didn't want me to come in today but I feel that I have to confront him about it.

What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
disgustedemployee · 13/01/2015 14:07

Unfortunately he was totally serious as when I confronted him he started to sweat. I haven't spoken to him all morning and he just came out to my desk to say how bad he was feeling and how he never wanted to upset me and and hoped I could forgive him. I told him it would take time before I can even talk to him again.

I really don't think he is a bad person but he did a bad thing. I'm going to let him stew for a long time before I even exchange pleasantries.

With regards to the tax thing, we are not in the uk so probably a different law?

OP posts:
YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 13/01/2015 14:09

Add message | Report | Message poster ilovesooty Tue 13-Jan-15 13:48:09
Absolutely Icimoi

I'm actually also a bit at the posters harking back to the days when they were young and sexy or even suggesting it would be a good way of putting out for a bit of extra cash"

Exactly! Nothing conjures up the nostalgia of being a size 8 like someone else's sexual harassment, eh?!Confused

Kittymum03 · 13/01/2015 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy · 13/01/2015 14:46

I am open mouthed with horror!

please don't let this go, please take this up with everyone and anyone you can.

He's apologising because you called him out on it, not because he thinks he has done wrong.

disgusting slug of a bloke.

I sincerely hope he isn't married, could anyone imagine the shame at being married to a man this revolting?

ZingTheGreat · 13/01/2015 16:11

I agree with Hissy , good post.

Original poster
disgustedemployee · 13/01/2015 16:32

Hi Hissy, he is married - has been for 33 years Blush

I would be absolutely FUMING if my husband did anything like that. I would never forgive him.

He blamed it on "being in a bad place" at the moment.

I am the same age as his son Hmm

OP posts:
YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 13/01/2015 17:03

Tell his wife. Seriously.

NeedABumChange · 13/01/2015 18:20

I believe things like this happen but I was just shocked at how short the convos OP had. You were on MN, 8 minutes later you've spoken to your boss and are back on MN. Then within half an hour you've spoken to the other boss, had a cry and are back on MN.

Surely those conversations should have been longer for such a serious situation especially if your bosses are lawyers? Did they not take it seriously then?

Hissy · 13/01/2015 18:31

what does your dh think?

please get legal/union advice? he needs stopping.

seriously!

Hissy · 13/01/2015 18:34

oh and 'bad place'? bollocks!

he's in a bad disgusting filty pervert place, i'd be getting his imternet use/computer checked if I were the business owner place?

whoop di do... he's now put you in a bad place too: being sexually harassed in the work place.

i'd want his wife told too tbh, give her a chance to kick him out on his scummyarse before taking him to the cleaners.

BolshierAyraStark · 13/01/2015 18:34

Are you actually serious Shock

You're honestly just going to let this slide after making him feel uncomfortable for a while? WTAF Hmm

CrystalHaze · 13/01/2015 18:44

Bumchange, this is what confused me too. I do not doubt that sexual harassment is alive, kicking and prevalent in all walks of society, but things did seem to progress extremely rapidly.

As a legal firm, they are presumably held to fairly robust standards moral/ethical standards. Has the second, non-pervy boss advised what he envisages will happen further to your advising him if the incident, and will he be calling a formal meeting with the culprit? It would be in his best interests to do so as if you did decide to pursue this via official channels it can't help his professional record if it comes out that he was aware of this but did nothing. He has a duty of care to his employees.

Have either of them advised how the company will proceed, officially or unofficially, in the light the revelation of one boss offering tax-free 'gifts' to an employee in return for sexual favours?

NotGoingOut17 · 13/01/2015 18:55

The problem is with raising it as an official complaint is that unless he admits it, it is OP's word against his. I'm not for one moment saying that it didn't happen but just saying for all those saying resign and claim constructive dismissal, all he has to do is say that conversation didn't happen and it could be difficult for OP to prove otherwise. Not saying a Tribunal etc wouldn't believe you OP but it may be a hard hurdle to jump - the only thing that would be different is if he has admitted it to your other boss and they were willing to support you. Otherwise all the other boss would be able to say is that you made him aware of the incident.

I really wish this wasn't the case as his behaviour is disgusting but just want to make you aware that whilst what he has done is illegal, in reality it would be difficult to prove and therefore you may wish to take your time in terms of resigning because there is no guarantee you would win at an ET. Personally, i'd begin looking for a new job - I would not want to work with this person. If you have no choice but to, make sure he knows in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate further behaviour - and do not let him excuse it with ignorance and that he didn't mean to upset you.

worldgonecrazy · 14/01/2015 08:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
disgustedemployee · 14/01/2015 11:15

Thanks NotGoing. The other boss said yesterday that he would have a word with him but I don't think he has yet. I'm going to be really annoyed if he doesn't because he made it clear to me yesterday that he thought it was out of order and that he was on my side.

I really don't know what to do. This was the best job I'd ever had (work wise) and the only job I've ever truly enjoyed. This has just ruined everything. I suppose when you feel like something is too good to be true then it usually it.

And all the doubters can keep doubting but this is really affecting me. I don't even want to look at him but it's kind of difficult to avoid him when it's a tiny office with three people. At least they have their own rooms and I am out in the reception area so it's not like we're sitting side by side.

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 14/01/2015 12:15

(((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))) OP

ZingTheGreat · 14/01/2015 12:16

world

then do just that.
Olivia already said "Ahem" and all troll hunting posts have been removed - if you think you can read between the lines surely you have your answer now, even if you doubted OP being genuine earlier.

ilovesooty · 14/01/2015 12:19

I reported your post world

Zing is right.

ZingTheGreat · 14/01/2015 12:26

I love Olivia saying "Ahem".
she does it so gracefully yet sternly. Grin

HappyAgainOneDay · 14/01/2015 13:12

I haven't got to the end of the thread yet but, although I would have been just as surprised as the OP, I would not call one 'approach' harassment. See what happens in the future. If it carries on, it is sexual harassment.

MTBMummy · 14/01/2015 13:23

disgusted huge hugs, it's shit, I've been there, sadly it ruined a great job for me, and I wasn't happy until I left.

I know you've said you'll let him stew, but I'd really consider looking to change jobs as soon as you can, him apologising is entirely meaningless, he's shown how he views you and he's not going to change.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 14/01/2015 13:24

Yes, Happy, it's not sexual harassment til they do it more than once Hmm

Good job we don't think like that back in the real world though is it, as with other criminal behaviour such as domestic violence, rape, burglary, sexual harassment....some things only need to be done once.

TheLittleRedHen · 14/01/2015 13:30

HappyAgainOneDay - What silly advice. Of course it's still harassment if it's only happened once!

The OP says that her BOSS told her that he would give her £100 a week if she wore stockings for his own gratification.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/01/2015 13:52

Ewwwww, he actually wants you to wear stockings to work so he can get a sexual thrill out of it.

What a fucking pervert.

I'm glad you confronted him about it, that was not on.

MNHQ
KateSMumsnet · 14/01/2015 14:57

Hi everyone,

We have a few doubts about the OP, so we're going to remove this thread whilst we take a closer look into things.