AIBU to confront my boss about this

[disgustedemployee]

Hi all, I have name changed.

Long story short, I have been a PA in a firm of three people (me and my two bosses) for nearly a year. One of my bosses (we will call him A) was having a conversation with me yesterday and I started talking about how we are renovating our house at the moment and how I am worried whether we will finish within budget as things always cost more than you think.

Anyway, he then said to me "I know I shouldn't say this but I want to help you out so I want you to wear hold ups at work and I will give you £100 a week tax free if you do. You don't have to wear them to and from work, you can change into them here. I also won't pressure you to say yes to this but it would cheer me up and give me something to look forward to. Oh, and I would also want to see the tops of them. I could just give you the money but that wouldn't be right."

I was so shocked and taken aback that I just kind of said "no way in a million years" and left the room.

I stewed on it all night (and got more and more angry) and told my husband this morning. He didn't want me to come in today but I feel that I have to confront him about it.

What would you do in this situation?

this is what fucking troll activity does to all of us(not saying you are one OP!)

here's an almost unbelievable situation so people are suspicious. which is understandable, just last week there were many way more believable threads started by trolls, then got deleted.

but if it was me, OP I would find it hurtful and very upsetting that people don't believe me especially when you so desperately need some help.
I can't offer advice, so just listen to the ones who are trying to help you and ignore the rest.
it's impossible to tell if you are genuine or not, so you need to accept that sometimes people will find it hard to believe something OTT. but please understand why that is and try not to get upset.
I hope you find a good solution

How would those troll hunting feel if they came here for advice and got sneered at?

And I will say it again.

Don't accost the OP if you think it is a troll post. Follow the guidelines and report to MN. They ask us to do this all the time... play nice and follow the guidelines.

As I said earlier, I have lived through similar and, whilst I would have hoped such stupidity had been left back in the 70s, I can all too easily believe such Benn Hill misogyny still exists!

I can't believe some of the posters on here today. If you don't believe it report it to mnhq. Don't be so vile towards the op who had potentially been sexually harassed.

Sorry OP.

Why the fuck can't people just report instead of trying to be smart arses?

Even if the OP is trolling (not saying you are btw) there are women out there dealing with sexual harassment every singe day so any advice posted would be helpful to them, but oh no, they'll see a list of "we don't believe you". If it's so unbelievable to you, ignore or report. I'd rather give advice and look a dick if it could help someone, even on the off chance it might be deleted later. "We believe you - unless it sounds unlikely" isn't quite the slogan we want for sexual harassment or assault is it.

Fwiw, I had my married male boss (I had worked there for ages) sitting next to me one day to look at something on PC and out of the blue he put his hand on my leg and slid it up to the top of my thigh - no warning, no "background", nothing. If I had been a MNer at the time and posted and someone had called troll, I can't imagine how I would feel.

I just left and didn't return but if do been older and wiser I would have dwelt with it properly via ACAS and a shit hot lawyer.

Well, that takes me back a few years. I miss being young, slim & sexy. Sigh.

So, we're all picking up on the sexual harrassment aspect, and no one has commented that the boss offered £100 a week TAX FREE. Does that mean he was going to cover the tax/NI, or was it going to be an illegal cash arrangement? Maybe you could report him to HMRC?

Thank you all for your support

With regards to the tax free thing, he said as it would class as a "gift" from him to me it wouldn't be taxable (FYI he is a tax lawyer).

I haven't seen or spoken to him since I confronted him.

I'm glad MNHQ are removing the troll hunting posts.

ahem.
Our talk guidelines

Thank you MNHQ

are you ok?

My otherwise lovely close to retirement age boss (I was early 20s) came out with a totally unprovoked sexual suggestion to me completely out of the blue. I was only on a contract so decided to ignore and avoid being in a one on one situation again until my contract ended. So unprovoked sexual suggestions can happen. Although the OP has later clarified he was always the suggestive type.

Report posts don't post on the thread. It makes it longer for the rest of us.

Op, what an awful situation to have been put in. I bet your husband is furious too.
It's truly shocking.

WOT? He actually propositioned you to see if you were up for some seedy shenanigans, and then explained the tax/ni implications if you agree? Y'know, he could also have supplied the stockings, tax deductible if they were work uniform!

So sorry for your distress, pleased you spoke to the other Partner tho, sadly, end of the day, they have the business which provides their livelihood, you're the expendable staff. Best look for another job?

As a 16 yr old admin trainee I was offered 20 quid to 'touch this' by one of my bosses. Needless to say I quickly changed my career direction.
I'm almost sad he died of a brain tumour not long after as I'd have liked to have visited him once I had found my assertive no shit no hostages self.
There are some right creeps out there.

It really is quite worrying that the first reaction of a few people is to assume this couldn't have happened. Sadly that's the sort of reaction that women regularly get in the workplace. Equality still has some way to go.

Not a very good tax lawyer? I'd still be looking for other employment.

"Claudius"


speak for yourself. your post is just as offensive as the boss's proposal

Absolutely Icimoi

I'm actually also a bit at the posters harking back to the days when they were young and sexy or even suggesting it would be a good way of putting out for a bit of extra cash.

Are you sure it was a serious comment? There is lots of banter in the office I work in - which works both ways. No one would say anything to someone who may be offended by the comments, but otherwise comments like these are sometimes made and the response would normally be either 'in your dreams' or 'I'd cost a lot more than that' or 'only if you wear a posing pouch'.

I worked in a solicitors office when i was younger. one of the solicitors suggested that I take off my pencil skirt so that i could climb a ladder to continue filing.

needless to say i declined, and wore trousers to work from then on, but i wish i'd had the fortitude to do something about it.