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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be peed off with a 3am phone call?!

115 replies

SquidgyMaltLoaf · 11/01/2015 04:51

I probably am but hey ho. DB's wife had a baby at 2am and he rang me at 3am to tell me - texted, then tried my phone, then DH's when I didn't answer (mine was purposely on silent!). I can't get back to sleep and as I have a five month old myself, sleep is now very precious!! We purposely waited til morning to phone people when our baby was born. There's no way I can go back to sleep now and I've only had two hours

I know I'm being a grumpy cow but could he not have waited just a few hours?! I have no idea how I'm going to get through tomorrow with a lively baby. WIBU to thump him when I see him after I've cooed over the baby?!

OP posts:

KenDoddsDadsDog · 11/01/2015 08:21

He was excited and probably not thinking straight. YABU but console yourself that he will soon be very tired himself .

thegreylady · 11/01/2015 08:27

YANBU but please don't say anything to your db. I hope you feel better soon.

DustBunnyFarmer · 11/01/2015 08:30

OP sounds exhausted and has my sympathies. I do get pissed off with people who always say "in my family we'd do x, y, z" without any regard for the OP's circumstances. Yes, AIBU is about canvassing opinions, the whole point of it is to canvas opinion about how you would have reacted if your circumstances mirrored those of the OP (otherwise why bother providing any context in the op.

So, YANBU. Your brother should have left it at a text and shown some consideration for your current situation and level if exhaustion. I hope you get some rest/sleep before your husband goes to work. I also think it might be a good idea to ask them to text first before ringing today in case you are napping with the baby later on.

sashh · 11/01/2015 08:45

I think I'd just like to thank my nephew, nieces, cousins and cousin's children for all having the sense to arrive between 9am and 9pm. Wow I've been lucky.

lostlalaloopsy · 11/01/2015 09:00

YABU

It's the birth of your niece/nephew, it's a truly wonderful thing. And you grudge your brother sharing this great news?

When my dd was born at 130 am my DH phoned all the family and friends straight away - they would all have been gutted if we hadn't. When my nephew was born, BIL phoned at 330 in the morning and I had a teething baby, PND and survived. Same goes for friends babies arriving. It's wonderful news.

Honestly mumsnet is unreal at times, it's only for one night and you should be happy about a healthy baby arriving in the world.

Mrsstarlord · 11/01/2015 09:09

DustBunny

I think most of us have been in that position (although perhaps not all with PND which the OP told us about in her second post) and because we have been there and come through it we can see the bigger picture which is why a lot of people are essentially saying YABU but it's understandable when you're tired, try to see that bigger picture it's actually OK!

MissHJ · 11/01/2015 09:10

I think YABU. I get it you are tired but this is one night for your brother to tell you his first baby was born. He was excited and probably wanted his family support. My oh told everyone straight away when our son was born, he was completely jumping for joy and would have shouted it from the roof tops. My sister is pregnant and I don't care if she calls me in the night. She has had 3 miscarriages and this one has stuck, it's also my first time being a auntie, and my mum's first granddaughter. We are all thrilled for her. I would just laugh along and be included in your brother's joy.

DustBunnyFarmer · 11/01/2015 09:11

they would all have been gutted if we hadn't

Really? Have you ever actually asked them. Also, bearing in mind all the responses above telling the OP to take it on the chin and not say anything, are you even sure if they'd tell you if they were pissed off? Perhaps it would be more considerate to ASK before your due date if people want a call regardless of the hour or would rather wait until morning to hear. Plenty of posters are having a go at OP, but I think a 3am phone call to all and sundry shows a basic lack of consideration by the parents. (Although years of awful, awful insomnia and several years of shattered sleep with babies, plus chronically ill relatives who struggle get a good night's sleep may have coloured my views...)

CaptainAnkles · 11/01/2015 09:12

I agree OP. DD was born at 4am and I waited til about 8 before I texted people. It's only polite.

a2011x · 11/01/2015 09:16

YABU

APipkinOfPepper · 11/01/2015 09:16

YANBU. Text, and see if there is an answer - fine. Multiple phone calls in the middle of the night? I would only expect that for an emergency! Am glad my nephew was born during the day if this is the norm!!

Aridane · 11/01/2015 09:17

YABU. WAs your partner annoyed to be woken up by his brother's amazing news?

WD41 · 11/01/2015 09:20

Yanbu. That news can wait until morning unless you had specifically said you wanted to be told regardless of hour. I wouldn't dream of ringing a sibling at 3am for that.

LittleBearPad · 11/01/2015 09:22

Love all the people saying their families would have been gutted not to hear immediately.

Are you really sure of this?

meerschweinchen · 11/01/2015 09:26

I know that sleep deprivation is so hard, so I feel for you. But how nice that they wanted to share their good news.

I think that 3am calls are often bad news, and after receiving bad news by phone this year, I panic whenever it rings, even during the day. I know it's irrational, but I can't help it.

So at least it was a happy, positive occasion.

Nanny0gg · 11/01/2015 09:37

One of my DC slept by the phone until I rang with the news of first DGC's birth.

I think it's lovely he wanted you to know straight away. Five months isn't exactly newborn so he probably didn't think he was doing anything wrong.

Will your baby sleep this afternoon so you can nap too?

BreconBeBuggered · 11/01/2015 09:42

LittleBearPad, we didn't call our families after an early-hours birth, and found out later that one lot had been doing a kind of mass vigil in my parents' living room, and MIL had been calling the hospital repeatedly from 4am. It's hard to get these things right.

OP, I hope you can get a little bit of rest today at least. Sleep deprivation really saps your goodwill when you're not well.

LittleBearPad · 11/01/2015 09:45

LittleBearPad, we didn't call our families after an early-hours birth, and found out later that one lot had been doing a kind of mass vigil in my parents' living room, and MIL had been calling the hospital repeatedly from 4am. It's hard to get these things right.

That's bizarre, sorry but it is. maybe you could all have discussed it beforehand.

HaPPy8 · 11/01/2015 09:46

Basically what lady luck said! I think you are hugely unreasonable. I had a three month old when my sister was in labour and couldn't sleep for wanting to hear news anyway! Are you sure you aren't a bit worried that their new baby will take the shine off yours? Because i am sure that will not happen and you have nothing to worry about. Blimey. Its a great phone call to have.

Writerwannabe83 · 11/01/2015 09:46

If my sister was in labour I would feel so happy and excited and I would want to know when she'd had the baby even if it was 4am in the morning and I was knackered from my own baby

However, if it was a member of my DH's family, like in your case, and they phoned at 4am with a baby announcement when I had a young baby myself I would be seriously pissed off

I know it's double standards, but it's true

Writerwannabe83 · 11/01/2015 09:48

Just realised I completely misread your post and it was actually your brother, not your DH's brother. Ignore my post

KERALA1 · 11/01/2015 09:51

Think it was ben elton that said a call in the middle of the night was either from a bad person or a good person with bad news. Think this proves him wrong!

my2centsis · 11/01/2015 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Delphine31 · 11/01/2015 09:52

My brother phoned me at 2am to tell me that their baby had arrived.

I don't think he would have even known what time it was to be honest. He was overwhelmed with the whole thing and just wanted to share the exciting news.

It never even crossed my mind to be irritated by the timing of the phone call. I was just excited to have a new niece, and relieved to know that the baby had arrived safely.

I wasn't sleep deprived with a young baby of my own, but I really think that for a one-off as special as this I would still overlook being woken up in the middle of the night.

MangoBiscuit · 11/01/2015 09:52

YANBU to be peed off, but YWBU to do or say anything about it. It's really hard to judge whether to call people straight away or not, some people will be annoyed with whichever way you go. Unless you told them before hand not to call you before a certain time, you can't really blame them. Perfectly acceptable to feel peed at the loss of precious sleep, especially with the PND thrown in, just don't hold it against them

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