About morning baby groups (light-hearted).

[KitKat1985]

So I am trying to get out of the house more with DD (nearly 4 months). I'm trying to do some more baby groups and really struggling. Why oh why oh why do so many of them start at 9 or 10am? Good lord if DD is up several times in the night and is having a grumpy morning it can be nearly lunchtime before I even manage to get dressed. On the occasions I do make it (late obviously, with still wet hair) the room seemed filled with well dressed women (with hair that they have even managed to style before going out), calmly sitting and drinking a fruit tea whilst their babies lie next to them in perfectly co-ordinated outfits. How are they managing it?!? Why can't I manage it? AIBU in wanting the groups to start late-morning at the earliest, or do I, as I strongly suspect, need to just sort my damn morning routine out?

Motherhood gets easier with time. I struggled to be up and out with my first baby, with my fourth I was showered, dressed, all kids out, fed and ready for school by 8.30am and the baby had clothes that matched (usually). You get used to surviving on less sleep, you adapt to only using one hand. I'm willing to bet most of these women you see are either on subsequent babies or they have help at home. There will be other mums who look at the room the same way you do. Thing is they are usually hiding in the shadows and feeling bad. It's like the belief that everyone else's baby sleeps through the night. This is rare, usually one or two loud mouthed mothers have babies that sleep through the night and brag about it. Everyone else stays quiet and thus believe they are the only one whose baby is like a mini, thirsty-raver. I usually say, that's great, I still have a two year old that doesn't sleep through the night. Happy mums stop judging themselves. Whatever you do, you're doing it your way, and your way is probably perfect for your baby!

This has already been said but I think it because they are aimed primarily at slightly older babies who are up first thing, and therefore it makes sense to have them in the early morning. Those babies will also be napping late morning/lunchtime. Plus of course the Mums who have a school run to do, as mentioned.

Don't sweat too much about getting there with a tiny one (4 months is still pretty small). There will be some that start later in some areas though.

DS, I was normally running through the door 5 minutes late, having legged it to the library carrying DS, as the buggy just took too long! With DD, I was one of those smug people! Main difference? DD was just easier and less clingy! Plus a bit more practise!

I remember seeing some mums at DS's swimming class whose youngest were now 4, and they were like the Stepford wives, while we all ran in with littler ones and multiple classes, looking less Stepford!

I have to say I'm quite relieved to hear I'm not the only one that struggles with this. The best timed baby group on locally starts at 1.15pm - 2.30pm. It's great as those with older kids finish in time to do the school run, and those who are just damn incompetent (I.E me) actually stand a chance of making it!

Not only do parents of older ones have to get them to school / pre-school for around 9, they often have to pick the pre-school ones up again at 12, and as it is them that is most likely to be running a group it has to be that way. So if they start stacking the chairs and getting ready to finish at about 11.30 that will probably be why.

I used to feel exactly the same as you though.

4 months is early days. Don't be too hard on yourself. However, if you can manage it somewhere down the line going to a group could be a great icebreaker and intro to meeting other local parents.

I am up and out with everything done by 9am purely because I have older school going children. My problem now is making the time to go to any groups for my youngest.

Give it a few months though and 1-2pm will almost certainly be nap time. I think most babies/toddlers have a nap after lunch after a certain age.

That's why I rarely went to any.

Not everyone is on their pfb though.

With DC3 I found no baby groups started early enough to end in time to be home for DC1 who finished school at 11.20am. Lots of very small children (toddler siblings) are up for the day at 5am, so a baby group stating at 8.30am (after dropping DC2 off) would have been perfect :o

I always wondered why there weren't more groups starting early, as the late starts were suited only to those without school/ preschool age kids also in the mix.

10 am is late morning when you have a baby/toddler up at 6am. Pretty normal if I remember rightly. And even 9am is mid morning. Think of it as something to aim for? Otherwise that morning can seem awfully long and empty when it starts at 6.

But then I was working full time when my DD was 4 months and had to get her to nursery before work...

Go to bed earlier?

I'll tell you one thing though. I bet almost none of those mums feel as serene as they look.

YANBU.

Most of the baby groups around me started between 9 and 10am and it meant I couldn't attend them.

First of all my DS was a late sleeper and often was not up before 8:30. There was no way I was going to wake him up early just to go to a group.

Secondly they were not in walking distance which for me meant getting the bus. Our buses were all busy commuter buses, there was no way I could have got the buggy on or even guaranteed that I would have had a seat if I collapsed it. Didn't fancy standing up and carrying my DS's car seat. The bus fees were also higher before 9:30 in my area at the time too.

I can see why it's possibly helpful for people who have to drop off school aged children though.

Posted that too soon, even by DC4 I was doing the school run then going swiftly home back to bed if possible. I've never mastered the looking pristine by 9.

Yup it is the school thing. Plus halls etc have sessions that need to be booked and need to fit in with all the other classes and groups that meet there. You need one lot in the morning, then your afternoon lot, then your after school lot. ....

But look around, there are usually some in the afternoon. swimming sessions? stuff like that.

With DC1, I felt that way sometimes, but then at around 5 months, he started doing 'day starts' at 6am at the latest, so I'd been up for hours before those groups! (sorry, I'm sure your DC won't do that to you, it's just my children who are allergic to sleep in the mornings...)

With DC2, it's amazing how when you have to do the pre-school or school run, you can be up, dressed, baby dressed and fed, older child dressed and fed and out of the door at 8am - a 10am starting group is a different problem because I've dropped DC1 at school at 9, and do I walk home then out again (that never happens as I find things to do and then it's suddenly lunchtime...), or do I go find a coffee shop until the group starts. That was a great plan before DC2 was mobile, now it's far less relaxing!

what time does your DH get up for work? Is there time in his morning routine to play with the baby while you grab a 5 minute shower and throw some clothes on? If it's done that early, then you can just potter on with your morning then leave for groups without having done lots of other things then have to fit in getting dressed. (If you realise it's time to leave when you are halfway through loading the dishwasher, you can just go and leave that job until later, if you do the dishwasher first then realise it's nearly time to go and you've not had a shower yet, that means you have to be late, I'm a big fan of making getting ready a priority early on, not just before you have to leave the house).

Yabu. Get yourself organised. 4 months is not a newborn! Fwiw i could always get anywhere for 9am or 10am, but latet than that was a nightmare because you relax i to your morning!

i used to run a group. At first finish time was relaxed, then finish had to be on time because i had to pick dd up. You also need to factor in the needs of those running groups when not surestart ones. currently the group is relaxed again because the person running it doesn't have a nursery run.

When I had just one, it was a struggle to get out for 9.30am groups but as others have said, once I had school runs etc it was ideal, plus a group at 1pm until 2.30pm with a toddler would probably be right on nap time, it is swings and round abouts really!

oh and agree re the return to work, it's amazing how with DC1, I went from feeling organised if I was out of the house, washed, dressed in jeans and jumper with clean but not styled hair at 9:30am, but then I returned to work and I was leaving the house at 7:30am in work clothes with a bag packed for both me for the day and DC1 for the day.

My suggested approach is to grab a few nappies (and bottle?), throw on some clothes and your coats and go. If baby is needing to be fed or changed then do it at the group. Drop the idea you need to be totally ready before exiting the house. You don't need to do your hair and make up for baby groups.

Then take a shower or do the housework later or when baby is napping. If you want to go out the house at a set time the just leave at that time. (If you don't leave its often because you are not really wanting to go? you would leave if it was a hospital appointment of something)

oh yes, rainbow's advice is good. I know on MN there's rather a sniffy attitude to changing bags, but I found keeping a changing bag ready to go, ideally hung over the buggy handles leaving your buggy up in the hall if you have space, makes life a lot easier. think in the evening before what you will wear the next day, even if it is "jeans, jumper" and make sure you have them.

Your DC is young enough not to need breakfast yet, so once they have had the first milk of the day, pop them in the bouncy chair in the bathroom while you have a shower, put on clothes and a brush through your hair before you go for breakfast. Being dressed before 7 does make the rest of the day a lot less rushed!

For what it's worth I do realise that the timings of the groups are generally because a lot of the other attendees or organisers have older kids and other commitments (as I say in the title I am being light-hearted here). And yes I know the secret to making them and being well dressed for them would be to get up before DD wakes in the morning but after being up several times during the night doing night feeds getting up an hour earlier in the morning to be up before her just isn't happening, not for a baby group anyway (if was something more important then yes, of course I would). When DD is up she cries as soon as I'm out of sight so I have to wait until she has a nap (usually around 9.30-10ish) to have a shower.

I should point out as well that at work I used to be up at 5.30am to start my shift at 6.45am, so I can 'do' mornings, but I used to have the luxury then of an uninterrupted nights sleep. Sigh!

Have you tried a bouncy chair in the bathroom? This was how I used to shower with a clingy baby and occasionally it worked so well that he would fall asleep in the steam and I would be able to actually get dressed with both hands - the luxury!

You don't have to go to groups with a 4 month old - baby groups are for you (from crawling they are also for the baby, but then you can usually put them down).
If you want to go and have an unputdown able you will have to shower the night before, or whenever dh can hold tge baby or the baby will be put down, and just use a water spray on your hair and a quick wash/ deodorant in the morning :o

Try a few groups and look at everyone - the groomed ones are a minority at most.

The other advise is, bouncy chair in bathroom, everything set out ready to go, run shower, put baby down, shower and dress fast, accept they'll cry a bit while you do it.

I was also about to say bouncy chair in bathroom: if they cry, they cry, there's nowt wrong with them! The sound of the hairdryer going might even sooth an upset baby, you never know!