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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only take one of my children on holiday

122 replies

Aloneandnowwhat · 07/01/2015 19:55

So having been ripped off by my ex I have next to no money.
I am a single parent working full time and just wanted to take my kids (3.5 and 1.5) on a little holiday abroad this year.
Would I be a horrible mother to leave the 1.5yo with family and take the older one? To save on costs.
It doesn't feel right but youngest would never know and oldest would love it.

OP posts:
Brandysnapper · 07/01/2015 20:44

OP said she would like to go abroad, so I don't understand why people are suggesting for her to go somewhere in the UK
Because we don't always get to do what we want I suppose!
I think leaving an 18 month old without both his mum and sibling (for a week?) will be quite a change for him. What about leaving them both with gps and having a weekend away yourself or with a friend? And another weekend in a caravan with them? If you want to keep costs down, would be cheaper to leave the older one behind and take the younger.

DocMcStuffinsBigBookOfOuches · 07/01/2015 20:45

Holidaying in the UK is not necessarily going to be any/much cheaper! I just got quoted over a grand for a week at a non beach caravan site, out of school holiday dates. For two adults, one child and one infant. I really begrudge how much a UK holiday will cost, and would far rather use the cash for something/somewhere more exotic but sadly we are tied to a family event that requires our attendance, but no family can put us up...

CalicoBlue · 07/01/2015 20:45

No, I was not being horrible.

I had an offer of a free ski holiday for the family, flights, car hire, appartment etc but I could only use it for one week. DS had exams, I could take the younger two out of school. I spoke to DS about it and he was happy to go to his Dads. This was a couple of years ago now. I did miss him though and wish he could have been with us, tbh it bothered him less than it did me. We have had holidays in the uk and abroad together since.

Last summer I put it down to him being a grumpy teenager, I offered him Greece or UK. He wanted to stay at home, so I took his sister away with me for a week in the UK.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 07/01/2015 20:46

Isabeau, theres a huge difference between leaving one child out and taking the other abroad and a child spending time with their other parent Hmm

Iggi999 · 07/01/2015 20:48

Forwarding - I get the why should everyone else miss out idea if a child has chosen not to join in with the holiday, but in that scenario the boy had exams, what choice did he have?

toomuchtooold · 07/01/2015 20:53

It's funny, I'm sure there was an AIBU on here a month or so ago of someone who was going on a luxury holiday with DH and older kid, leaving the baby behind with granny and everyone was like "go for it!"

AIBU to think that people read that you're short on money and have a troublesome ex and decided to hoik up their judgy pants?

9Bluedolphins · 07/01/2015 20:54

JohnQuig - a child feel inferior because he stayed with relatives for a week when he was a toddler, whose favourite activities were crawling and sucking biscuits? What's he missing out on exactly? He'll get one to one time, as will his sibling. Horrible of you to try to guilt trip his mum, presumably with the aim of ensuring that she becomes 1)broke, 2) spends her holiday frazzled by 2 tiny children, neither of whom will be interested in whether they're abroad or not, but both of whom will, under her sensible plan, enjoy some one to one attention for once.
You don't have to treat each child absolutely identically. Nor can you. Barking.

Twooter · 07/01/2015 20:56

If you're going somewhere by yourself with a beach or a pool, it wouldn't be much fun with that age children. I would leave the little one behind if they enjoy being with your parents.

Lucked · 07/01/2015 20:57

Bit at those ages she can't go into water with both of them, I think a general rule is an adult for every child under 4 in the water. I would do it because the 3.5 year old would get the most out of the holiday. I would perhaps arrange some one on one time with DC2, such as going swimming, day at a beach etc.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/01/2015 20:57

How can you have "next to no money" but enough for a holiday abroad that doesn't make sense?
If I was that skint I would wait until the kids were older and enjoy a family holiday they will remember. 3 years old don't give a tinkers about holidays abroad.

Tryharder · 07/01/2015 20:57

I have taken one of my children away before. The other 2 stayed with grandma. There has been no bitterness or resentment 2 years on....

I would say go for it!

WinterShivers · 07/01/2015 21:01

People on here can be so horrible at times.

NynaevesSister · 07/01/2015 21:02

I really don't see what everyone's problem is. This has always been the norm throughout my family - one child is often taken on holiday on their own. The only problems arise when you don't do this equally. Otherwise it is a great way to have bonding time with each child. My cousin just took her daughter away for a weekend to a concert. All the children have chosen an event they want to go to, all three will get a weekend away to an event of their choice. with one on one time with a parent. In addition they have decided that the dad will take each child for a holiday on their own to see family in Canada when they turn ten. Again this will be a special one on one time.

Coconutty · 07/01/2015 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 07/01/2015 21:03

Wow - wasn't expecting to be quite so jumped on.
I wanted to take them abroad because I know they'd love to go on a plane. My sister suggested leaving my youngest to save on cost, I thought I'd have to pay for a seat no matter how old they are.
Yes I was also a bit concerned about coping with two - went to Butlins last year and activities like swimming were difficult with two.
I have been a lone parent for a year, I work hard with not much money left over, I would have a couple of hundred to book a holiday. I think uk holidays can be just as expensive.
Anyway, point taken - we all go.

OP posts:
CalicoBlue · 07/01/2015 21:03

Bluedolphins has a point, you don't have to treat all the children the same.

Luckily my DS is a nice boy, he understood that he had exams, knew that I could only use the ski apartment for that week and was not going to stop everyone else going because he could not. Initially I had said we would not go because he had exams, then friends and Dp said I was being unfair to the rest of the family.

velvetspoon · 07/01/2015 21:04

I definitely wouldn't favour one child over another, I think that's pretty mean. My Ex once took only one of our children on holiday. That will never happen again, I have made it quite clear he takes both or neither in future.

I don't see the big deal about going abroad, it's often too hot for toddlers and I wouldn't want to spend all day slathering 2 under 4s in sun cream and trying to keep them in the shade, Id rather be in the UK at a Haven or similar, outside school hols it's easy to get a week in a nice van for £200, possibly even less.

Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 07/01/2015 21:06

So abroad probably not a good idea at this point then, any recommendations for UK holidays please?
Went to Butlins Skegness last year and it was cold, windy and just a little bit scruffy.

OP posts:
NickiFury · 07/01/2015 21:07

They will be hurt when they're older and realise? Seriously? Confused

I regularly went away alone and had great times with my Aunty growing up. It's not something that has ever been mentioned by my sibling since.

writtenguarantee · 07/01/2015 21:08

I do it all the time (well I have done it once). Loved it. I am a man so can only concentrate on one child at time Grin. I took the 5 year old and left the 2.5 at home (during the half term). I had a brilliant time as did my girl. the 2.5 year old couldn't have cared less. we didn't take a family holiday because DP wanted to work and we were already paying for childcare for the little one.

with you, if money is tight, why not?

earlychristmas · 07/01/2015 21:09

dh takes only one child with him when going abroad. But dc alternate.

Original poster
Aloneandnowwhat · 07/01/2015 21:12

I think I was so set on abroad just so the weather was guaranteed to be reasonable - wasn't planning on going during the really hot months.
Also, I haven't been out of England for like 14 years and even then I've only holidayed abroad once in my life!

OP posts:
NickiFury · 07/01/2015 21:13

I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. Do it.

googoodolly · 07/01/2015 21:16

There's nothing wrong with going abroad, OP, and there's nothing wrong with taking the oldest and leaving the 1 year old at home, honestly. Go for it.

FrogIsATwat · 07/01/2015 21:20

Bloody hell OP if you can squeeze a holiday abroad in go for it. ! With both or just the elder one. A caravan in Tenby is NOT the same. You deserve a break too !