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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only take one of my children on holiday

122 replies

Aloneandnowwhat · 07/01/2015 19:55

So having been ripped off by my ex I have next to no money.
I am a single parent working full time and just wanted to take my kids (3.5 and 1.5) on a little holiday abroad this year.
Would I be a horrible mother to leave the 1.5yo with family and take the older one? To save on costs.
It doesn't feel right but youngest would never know and oldest would love it.

OP posts:
IsabeauMichelle · 07/01/2015 20:21

Exactly Winter. People are implying that it's cruel or something. This is a baby, they won't know one way or another, and it's good to spend one-to-one time with your dc imo.

TheFairyCaravan · 07/01/2015 20:21

Under 2s are usually free on holidays abroad aren't they? They are on the ones I've been on any way. I can't see how taking a tiny tot would bump the price up that much.

I wouldn't do it, having been treated unfairly by my parents all my life I am a stickler for fairness.

gobbynorthernbird · 07/01/2015 20:21

Can you leave both DC and have a nice break on your own?

dwarfrabbit · 07/01/2015 20:21

if that's what you can afford, then go for it. your LO can go the next time you have some cash for holidays and sibling can stay with granny. I take turns to take mine off by myself and so long as they know it's fair there's no issue at all. Lovely to have time just with one. yanbu at all, but doing what you can for your kids.

HerRoyalNotness · 07/01/2015 20:22

It's perfectly okay to do it.

You could always even it up when they're grotty teenagers by taking the youngest alone on vacation to make up for it! If they ever raise it with you later.

DesperatelySeekingSanity · 07/01/2015 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OddFodd · 07/01/2015 20:24

The 1.5YO doesn't cost to fly and you won't need a bed for them. They don't eat much either. Do you mean hassle (and I agree with you it's going to be much harder work to take both) rather than cost?

I'd take them both on holiday to a caravan/holiday park in the UK.

It's crap to only take one

dragdownthemoon · 07/01/2015 20:24

I wouldn't do it. Live to hur means, find a holiday you can afford for your family. What are you going to do next year if you still can't afford to go abroad with two children? I don't think children need a holiday abroad, stay in the UK and take them both. You think the youngest might not notice, but who knows how aware they are? And your older one will notice and might be upset, or think they are better than their sibling, I just couldn't imagne enjoying a holiday in a different country to where I had left one of my children.

My children have never been abroad. We live to our means and we go on cheap holidays in Wales. And we love it! I could never have left any of mine behind, vp even when they were teeny. We are a family, a unit.

dragdownthemoon · 07/01/2015 20:26

Also I genuinely don't think a 1.5yr old attending will change your costs. They travel free! You won't need a bigger hotel room and a lot of places don't charge for a travel cot, maybe an extra tenner?

MisForMumNotMaid · 07/01/2015 20:26

If you can travel when your youngest is still under 2 the extra costs are going to be negligable.

How about posting budget and timescales and getting some UK and abroad suggestions that could work for you as a family.

I was on my own with my eldest two at the same stage. Its a tough thing.

If you wanted to do an overnight break with the older one, so you could do some activities that you can't with both, leaving the younger with family I could understand that better.

TongueBiter · 07/01/2015 20:26

My twat of an EXH took the best behaved two out of four children on holiday; the two that stayed home with me seem to have survived his neglect Smile Go for it!

WinterShivers · 07/01/2015 20:28

TheHermitCrab I would never class somewhere in the UK/Europe as a holiday it's more like a "break". Holidays to me and my son are places such as America and Dubai.

CalicoBlue · 07/01/2015 20:28

I don't think there is anything wrong with it. The little one will have a nice holiday with family too.

I have done it twice, but I have left the elder DS at home. One year he had exams so DP and I took DSS and my DD skiing. DS stayed with his Dad.

Last summer I asked him what he wanted to do for a summer holiday, nothing with me was the answer, so I went off on my own with DD for a riding holiday.

I have promised DS a holiday with me on his own when he wants to.

Go, don't feel guilty, have a rest and enjoy some time with your elder child. There will be a time when they are older that you will do it the other way round.

WinterShivers · 07/01/2015 20:30

OP said she would like to go abroad, so I don't understand why people are suggesting for her to go somewhere in the UK Confused

Tzibeleh · 07/01/2015 20:30

I take only one of mine away for a few days, just the two of us. The others get left with my parents or other family member. I try to take each child away once a year. sometimes we manage 3 nights abroad, sometimes just an overnight camp at a campsite a few miles away. But the point is that everyone has a good time, both the dc left behind and the dc that I've taken away. This way each dc gets some full-on 1-2-1 time with Mummy - no sharing!

orangeisthenewlemon · 07/01/2015 20:31

YABU.

This is the kind of thing my Parents did to me. 'Oh you were young, you wouldn't have enjoyed yourself', how the bloody deck would they know?? The photos will be evidence. Its not fair.

OddFodd · 07/01/2015 20:32

Calico - did it occur to you that your DS doesn't want to go on holiday with you because you choose to go on holiday when he can't go?

That sounds horrible tbh

googoodolly · 07/01/2015 20:33

I don't think it's a problem in itself, but babies don't cost anything to take abroad, surely? Your youngest is only 1.5 so they're not going to cost anything to fly and most hotels don't charge for cots, and at that age they don't eat much at all anyway.

I think it's fine to leave one at home, but using the cost as a reason is a bit Hmm imo.

forwarding · 07/01/2015 20:36

I don't see a problem at all.

If the 1.5 yr old holds a grudge for 30 years like a pp, well, there's got to be more going on than just one holiday!

Plus it's not much of a break for you alone with two kids.

Enjoy your holiday Smile

JohnQuig · 07/01/2015 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IsabeauMichelle · 07/01/2015 20:41

So what happens when I have to give my ds to my exh every other Christmas? Will he look back on the photos and be devastated that he wasn't there some years? Hmm
Dearie me.

forwarding · 07/01/2015 20:41

I don't think that horrid at all Calico!

Presumably the son was fine with it?

We used to go without one of my brothers every single year when I was growing up!!

The other brother stopped coming on some holidays when he was 12 or 13 because he didn't like it.

Why should everyone else miss out?

DIYandEatCake · 07/01/2015 20:42

If it's partly about wanting quality time with the eldest, or wanting to avoid the inevitable hard work of taking two, could you go somewhere with your parents or other relatives/friends? If you go for a villa or cottage or whatever it's cheaper the more people go - then you could have other people to look after the little one while you have some time with the eldest, and then in the evening you'd have adult company. I have a 3.9yo snd 12mo and the thought of trying to take them abroad alone makes me shudder. But we go away with grandparents every year and it's brillisnt, it's the one time I actually get a bit of a rest.

9Bluedolphins · 07/01/2015 20:44

What's the harm? Your younger one will probably have more fun staying with relatives - that's a treat in itself - and you'll have an easier time without a toddler.
I've done it the other way round - left the 3 year old with relatives and taken the baby abroad on holiday. Lovely bonding time, and 3 year old had a ball with all that attention from doting relatives.
Ridiculous to suggest that the 1 year old will resent this in later life.

JustStirItUna · 07/01/2015 20:44

Maybe the OP feels the older child needs a bit more Mum time if DH has recently left and they're having a shit time?

Don't see an issue at all. It can be explained away in years time if the child ever feels the need to ask why one year they didn't come on holiday and stayed with grandparents instead. It's not like this is going to be the only holiday the DC's ever go on!!!