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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to suspect DH?

38 replies

L1amsMum · 06/01/2015 10:41

he lies to me. he hides things. he complains about things he offers to do himself. he makes me feel like a damn burden and right now i feel really insecure about him as a dh and future father. panicking !

OP posts:
Mabelface · 06/01/2015 10:50

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who lies to you? I wouldn't.

Original poster
L1amsMum · 06/01/2015 10:53

he comes up with what he considers are reasonable explanations..but they seem so far fetched..i've never been the paranoid or jealous type and right now all my instincts scream warnings.like the time he went to weekend classses and stayed overnight in London(he said),and then next week i saw in our GPS post codes from another area of the country-when i asked him he claimed he was just planning surprise trips for us.Hmm

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 06/01/2015 10:56

If you don't trust him, you really can't have kids with him. Listen to your gut feeling.

BathtimeFunkster · 06/01/2015 11:01

You're not pregnant, are you?

Why would you trust someone who lies to you? That would be silly.

If you have no children, you should just leave. Life is too short to spend it with someone you can't trust.

Writerwannabe83 · 06/01/2015 11:10

Did that surprise trips ever materialise? Hmm

AgathaF · 06/01/2015 11:15

What is it that is keeping you there?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 06/01/2015 11:18

Having these gut feelings is enough to warrant ending your marriage. You could snoop or confront him, if you feel you need more, or need proof, of you could just save yourself the effort and potential upset at discovering and just ask him to leave now.

BuzzardBird · 06/01/2015 11:23

If you don't have DC's with him I take it you have DC's from a previous relationship?

Your DH sound like a complete liar and I wouldn't be surprised at all if it turned out he was leading a double life or visiting prostitutes.

someonegetmeaglassofwine · 06/01/2015 11:25

When my DP gave far-fetched excuses as you describe, it was because a) he had a compulsive gambling problem b) he had a child which he didn't want me to find out about. Just sayin'

TheIronGnome · 06/01/2015 11:27

Why are you with him?

Original poster
L1amsMum · 06/01/2015 11:55

I am with him cause I love him..we've been together 11 years, with goods and bads, and he really wanted this child (neither of us has previous relationship children). all these recent changes make me feel really insecure and make it hard to trust him.I am currently 33 weeks pregnant and although I realize pregnancy hormones can lead to ..emotional outbursts and so on, i am trying to be rational and use my brain and my heart in the right way. problem is i dont know what this is anymore.

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 06/01/2015 12:04

Oh sorry, I was thrown by your username.

So, did the "surprise trips" ever materialise?

Original poster
L1amsMum · 06/01/2015 12:18

nope..cause apparently i ruined the surprise..lol.

OP posts:
BlinkAndMiss · 06/01/2015 12:32

Alarm bells. YANBU.

Way2Tired · 06/01/2015 12:33

Sad Sad Sad

bigbluestars · 06/01/2015 12:39

"nope..cause apparently i ruined the surprise..lol."

Sorry but that is so cowardly of him. Trust your instincts.

BuzzardBird · 06/01/2015 12:42

He's a wrong un'. Your instincts are bang on. What you do about it is the important thing.

Way2Tired · 06/01/2015 12:45

which brings me to the other question.. am I a bad parent to think about leaving the father of my son before his birth? i grew up with parents who hated each other and i felt it trough from childhood to adult age..i dont want to expose my son to the same..

ProcrastIWillFinishThisLater · 06/01/2015 12:50

You don't plan a trip on a sat nav - absolute nonsense! He was obviously somewhere else. You don't owe it to stay with someone like that for any reason. All my siblings and I cheered when our parents announced their divorce - they should've done it years before, it would've saved everyone years of misery.

BuzzardBird · 06/01/2015 12:56

Way2Tired, are you the OP or just in the same position?

Way2Tired · 06/01/2015 12:58

OP . an earlier post in this tread made me think of the fact that i need a different name >.

BuzzardBird · 06/01/2015 13:08

I think you need to trust your instincts on this one Way. Does he guard his phone and internet closely?

Way2Tired · 06/01/2015 13:18

he recently came up with this idea to passcode his phone..apparently after reading an online thing about encrypting the mobile phone and so on(security jic phone gets stolen).he is careful if i pass behind him or around him when he is on a pc/laptop so i dont see the screen (which is kind of ridiculous ..we aren't silly children anymore).. it's all these little things together..

MumsyFoxy · 06/01/2015 13:24

YANBU and I guess you know that already.
He sounds like a compulsive liar, and living with him could lead to you doubting yourself when he comes up with more and more lies. It will chip away at your sanity and self-confidence and, eventually, it will convince you that somehow it was your doing.
Good luck x

ProcrastIWillFinishThisLater · 06/01/2015 13:24

That not little things really, that's a lot of very obvious and basic indications that he is having an affair. Next time you pass behind him and he hides the screen, ask to see what he was doing. He won't.

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