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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go to my "surprise" leaving lunch

42 replies

Mammanat222 · 06/01/2015 09:57

Another day, another first world problem.

It's my last day today before I head of on ML, have had no sleep (missing cat that didn't come home until 3am) and the place that has been booked is a Tapas place. only two things I don't eat are Tapas and Sushi

To top it all off it's for about 20 people? I am only meant to think it's for my small team but thankfully my colleague can see how fragile I am and he has told me about the "surprise" element

I just can't face it. I am 38 weeks pregnant, dead on my feet with tiredness, piggy eyed as I spent about 3 hours crying last night about my lost cat and I don't like the food.

What to do? I've not had one day off related to being pregnant so can I use it as an excuse today (say I don't feel great?) or should I just go, find something I can stomach on the menu and suck it up?

I know I sound like a brat but I've worked with my manager for 13 years, she knows I hate surprises and Tapas so what would make her think this is a good idea?

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 06/01/2015 10:00

Just go along for a couple of hours and have something small.

grocklebox · 06/01/2015 10:07

How can you hate all tapas? The whole point is that there is a huge amount to choose from? There are inumerable things you could have.
Go, don't go, its up to you. I don't see whats so taxing about sitting down and having a bite with people who have made the effort to plan this for you, but its up to yourself.

seastargirl · 06/01/2015 10:10

What kind of foods do you like, maybe we could come up with some ideas of what you could order?

I would say go, you're unlikely to see them for a while now and you might regret missing out on it.

Aviator · 06/01/2015 10:11

I had exactly the same problem (apart from the cat issue...but I was working very late the night before tying up loose ends, ended up not being able to sleep and super tired and just out of whack) so I just called in sick, sent loads of apologies. At the time I felt awful about doing it, but thinking back, I don't think it put anyone out terribly. (No big meal planned, but usually a big send off with loads of wine...great for pregnant women!... and snacks). If it really bothers you, go in and say you need to leave before meal as you just feel terrible, say your goodbyes and thank yous and off you go. Chances are they will still cheer you out the door and go on to have the meal anyway and you being pregnant despite not being there will still be celebrated!

WhatchaMaCalllit · 06/01/2015 10:15

If it's for your leaving do, wouldn't you think that whoever arranged it would find out if there were some things you didn't eat, like tapas and sushi???

Go into your manager, make your pregnancy an excuse and say that you're not feeling well and while you understand that there is a lunch planned you don't feel up to it and you'd much prefer to arrange something that can happen during your maternity leave that you can go to and be able to participate in. Be gushing with your apologies and thanks for arranging the lunch for today but just keep going back to the point that you're not able to do it today and that you're really sorry if this is an inconvenience to others.

If you really don't want to go today, don't. It will be noticed that you're under the weather and if you can't make your pregnancy an excuse at this stage, when can you??

Best of luck with everything!

HappyAgainOneDay · 06/01/2015 10:22

I'm not sure what a tapas is but if it's that sort of thing where you wrap a salad or a bit of chicken in a sort of pastry or pancake blanket into a triangle shape, why not have just the filling and not the blanket?

Are you given plates and cutlery with tapases? If not, ask for them.

NoLongerJustAShopGirl · 06/01/2015 10:29

I'd go, have some lemonade, make excuses to go to the loo, speak to the "organiser" and say you need to go as you feel under the weather -

they can carry on, they have "sent you off", you get to leave - everyone is happy.

foreverdepressed · 06/01/2015 10:30

This sounds like one of those parties that is supposed to be for "someone" but has actually been thrown for the benefit of all the other people
attending.

THEY want to go to tapas bar and get pissed up at lunch, they know damn well you don't like the food and are most likely exhausted from being 38 weeks.

YANBU to excuse yourself with sickness / pregnancy.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 06/01/2015 10:31

I'd go, even for just an hour, and sip a fizzy water if there isn't a single thing on the menu that you'd eat.

It's lunch, not like it's a big night out.

MelanieCheeks · 06/01/2015 10:33

Yes, go for a while, but leave when you've said all yoru goodbyes.

I hope your cat returns soon.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 06/01/2015 10:34

Don't go if you really don't feel up to it, but I find it hard to believe there's nothing on a tapas menu you can eat! There's such a wide range of food (meat, fish, cheese, vegetables, bread etc etc). I would go along for an hour or so, pick something I could stomach off the menu then make my excuses and leave.

Original poster

Mammanat222 · 06/01/2015 10:40

I am sure there is something on the menu I will be able to eat, I may have been over exaggerating. Spanish is definitely a cuisine I am not very keen on though!

OP posts:

PandasRock · 06/01/2015 10:41

If you are as unfussy about food as you say you are, then there has to be something on a tapas menu you can eat!

I'm glad your cat came back.

I'd go along, stay for a bit and have a quick drink and a nibble, then make my excuses.

SoMuchForSubtlety · 06/01/2015 10:45

I know what you mean. I hate goodbyes, I hate large gatherings, I hate being the centre of attention! I just sort of left when I went on ML, slipped out quietly

But it's very sweet that they're organised something for you. Can you make sure you're sitting between two people who will talk to each other, thus excusing you from socialising, and announce before you go in that you're not feeling a bit queasy so you'll probably just have some bread and plain bits and pieces?

SoMuchForSubtlety · 06/01/2015 10:46

That you are feeling queasy, that should say!

Original poster

Mammanat222 · 06/01/2015 10:47

It transpires that my food has already been picked for me - Paella - which I really don't like but the restaurant needed our food orders in advance so my Manager just decided for me?? I had a scan yesterday so left early and missed my opportunity to pick my own food)

Yep cat came back but not before I spent most of the night awake / in tears and am now suffering the effects.

Think the poster that said this lunch is more to cater for other people hit the nail on the head. If this has been about me at all then someone would have bought me a cupcake - job done!!!

I hate surprises, I hate big formal meals, and I am not a Tapas fan. Feel terrible but why would someone who I have sat opposite for 13 years think this is something I'd want?

OP posts:

fluffyraggies · 06/01/2015 10:47

It's a very late - you're due in 2 weeks!

This time last year i was due in 2 weeks and it was all i could do to drag myself round the house. It took me all day to get the xmas tree down and packed up. Generally exhausted, Braxton Hicks in full swing, heartburn constantly, pain in my hips, pain in my back, couldn't sit in a hard upright chair for more than 10 mins., needing a wee every half hour. The idea of going out for any kind of meal would have been a complete no no. (Plus i was eating hardly anything - and could only face what i really fancied. The smallest meals were a struggle.)

So ... i don't think you'd be U to wriggle right out of this one :)

fluffyraggies · 06/01/2015 10:48

It's a very late do, that was meant to say.

Waitingonasunnyday · 06/01/2015 10:50

You sound kind of spoilt on the face of it BUT I think if 20 people have arranged to spend their lunchtime at an event that is all about you, they must think a lot of you, and therefore you are usually a very lovely person. Go along to the lunch, pretend to be surprised, sit by your favourite person and nibble on whatever you can. You might even have a nice time. Give it a go [waves pom poms]

Original poster

Mammanat222 · 06/01/2015 10:50

Also my work have been nothing but shitty to me recently. I am divulging too much as it is so I wont go into all the work crap but I've been very upset about my workload over the past month (my replacement started 6 weeks ago yet my workload has increased)

I've been left in a very stressful situation, and feel very un-supported and taken advantage of.

OP posts:

grocklebox · 06/01/2015 10:51

If someone has already picked one dish for you, thats not tapas. It might be spanish but its not tapas.

Waitingonasunnyday · 06/01/2015 10:51

x-posted - phone the restaurant now and change paella to something you want. No one will mind. After all you are pregnant and have been avoiding prawns right

ProcrastIWillFinishThisLater · 06/01/2015 10:53

I think you need to go, sit there for 10-20 minutes to be polite, have a drink, then when the food comes out just say 'really sorry, but I hate tapas, especially paella, and I'm hungry so I'm going to go and get something to eat - thanks for coming and I hope you have a great time, see you at the office' (or just 'goodbye' if you're going home after lunch). Perfectly reasonable under the circumstances.

Original poster

Mammanat222 · 06/01/2015 10:55

I am not a lovely person, it's a free lunch and that is why people are coming!!!

I hardly see half the people who are going to be at this lunch? That is why I am confused.

Lunch is no big deal for most people but when you are 8.5 months pregnant, have had about 2 hours sleep, have SPD and can only eat quite plain food unless you want HB it is more a hassle than a pleasure.

Also it's a major afterthought. My manager only arranged it yesterday.

OP posts:

PrimalLass · 06/01/2015 10:55

You need to man up. There are people prepared to spend January money on something for you and you won't have to see them again for months

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