To wonder how working mums manage when I can barely keep it together

[CountryMummy1]

I am a SAHM with a 3 year old DD and 10 month old DS. Many of my friends have gone back to work with children the same age as me and I just wonder how the hell they manage.

I was struggling so much when DS was born that I took Mumsnet advice to get a cleaner....and I still have her! She cleans and irons and is a godsend.

We go to a group everyday but I really struggle to get everyone sorted to get to the 9am ones. How do people manage to get their DC to childminders etc. and get to work on time?

I have a cling DD and, to be honest most of the day is spent just doing stuff....shopping, tidying, cooking, doing a class....then it's time for bedtime routine and bed. Evening is spent cleaning up dinner, tidying, paperwork, household stuff etc. And I still never get everything done.

I have days when I make a big effort to do some proper 'educational' things with DD or something creative but it's at the expense of other stuff which I end up doing at night when I'm knackered.

The final straw was DS in Law putting a facebook picture on this weekend....she was only building a while bloody ship out of cardboard with the DCs.... And she works full time as well

Where am I going wrong or am I just crap???

I went back to work with 4 kids under seven but I worked around my dh, so really there was no pressure to get everything done as he took over and then I went out to work nights and weekends. It has worked for us for many years, but obviously this way of living isn't for everyone.

I wonder the same, although i don't know any mums who have 7 kids ( eldest is 13y, youngest 5m) and work even part time, so luckily there's no base for comparison!

you are doing great, i gave up baby groups pretty early on, kudos to you for doing that.
It's a bit hard to do things without arms ( ), so remember that bfing or holding a clingy baby is the job you are doing instead of housework! you are not doing nothing, even if it feels or seems like it.

I meant kudos to you for keep going to baby groups.

Really rollonsummer?

I find that interesting. I worked in a nursery, but had none of the anxieties about those kids no matter how stressful the day was that I have about my own kid.

I actually do worry if my DS has washed his hands/had a tantrum/fallen over etc (tiny minute details) whereas these would blur into my day with other kids and not play on my mind all day iyswim

I don't mean that work isn't stressful - more that it's headspace from your own child and environment

What is the saying- work expands to fit the time available.

My dsis said it was easier working. The kids never had time to mess the house up. It was left tidy in the morning. At night it was feeding, stories and bed. The house never really got messy apart from a couple of toys which were quick to put away.

I have a solid routine.

I know that I have not got the time and by the time homework, dinner, baths and bedtime along with housework and getting uniforms sorted then I have no choice.

Couldn't get a cleaner as I am to fussy.

I look forward to weekends and school holidays

That was definitely my experience; I found my own babies and toddlers gave me the headspace I needed from being solely responsible for 30 four year olds!

Ah well that's my theory blown

Guess doesn't fit everyone

Every child is very different.
When I had DD1 (now 7) she was quite quiet and independent and we got a lot done together. The house was always tidy, we were always building things or painting or going out. I always managed to get out the house by 8.30am looking good with make up etc...
When DD2 (now 2) came along it was a whole different ball game. I struggle keeping up with everything and she is just an absolute whirlwind with a minimal attention span. She doesn't like doing anything with me at all so I leave her to her own accord. AND I now leave the house at 8.30 in comfies with my spots on show and hair a mess. But my kids are happy so I don't care...

YANBU. I agree with Balloon. I've been off for 2 weeks with a 2.5yo DS and am totally ready for the "break" of going back to work tomorrow.

Work energises me, it gives me a lunch break to get a bit of shopping in and I can sneak in a bit of internet shopping/research. I can concentrate on one thing and one thing only and, even if stressful, that is sort of a break. It also means the house actually stays tidy during the daytimes. OMG, even just a lunch time for DS and I can end up with loads of washing up, dirty floor, table, dishes out etc - so much tidying/cleaning!

Like others have said, you get into routines - when I'm working I literally get DS dressed and out of the house - hopefully some sort of food down him. I have been known to bribe him into the car with a jelly baby .

I will also add I posted an FB vid of DS doing crafts (sticking crafty bits to sticky back plastic taped to a window) today. I did not post, however, post any videos of DS shed loads of TV during the last 2 weeks .

No groups.

Routine.

A tumble drier.

The whole debate about whether SAH or WOH is easier depends on so many factors - what kind of work you do, what hours you work, how many kids you have, the ages and temperaments of your children, your own temperament and personal preferences, what kind of childcare you use etc. It's a bit of a pointless debate.

Parenting can be tough, whether you WOH or SAH. There is no point in the OP comparing what she does to what other mums do, because they will all have different circumstances. I'm sure she is doing a great job.

Op when you see someone who seems to be the perfect woman, your just seeing her on a good day! Don't be harsh on yourself. 10 mths oldare hard work

So much of it must depend on your job and your children.

Listen, you won't know yourself when you go back to work. You'll have head space and adult stimulation.

The problem as I see it is that you've two small ones on you all day.
When your little ones are in nursery they'll be knackered and will be fine. And you'll be fine.

I loved dropping my DC off and cracking on with my work. The relief is amazing. Make sure you've got a clean jacket in work in case you have breakfast all over your clothes!!

Oh, and cut right back now on the pressure of going to groups - you're nuts to put that pressure on yourself.
My advice also is to let your dd cling all day long, if she needs it. It won't spoil her for playgroup/ nursery, just make her more secure and better able to cope with the newness of it all. Think of it as putting love in a bank account for her, she'll do better if there's a lot in there for her to draw on.

Just cuddle them! And do it sitting and lying down if possible. Go out once a day for a nature walk, and let them poke mud with sticks.

I'm finding 10 months old to be an exhausting age with my second. Can't wait til he gets to 3.

I work and do find the change of scene energises me so that I enjoy my kids a lot more when I'm back home. I'm lucky that I only work 4 short-ish days though.

I would def cancel a 9am group... School fair enough we'll have to cope with that time of day when it's there,

But unless you have children who rise with the sun and are twiddling your thumbs on how to entertain them by 7/8 - give yourself a break from that.

3 year old could go to a crèche or playgroup allowing you some time with just the younger one. Or better still - my lesuire centre has mine for 2 hrs in the crèche while I swim once a week. It's been a lifesaver mentally and I feel happy I'm in the building and can be there immediately if I'm needed

Can I ask how old your DC is Gennz?

I have 3 DC, my youngest two are 4 and 2. Between those two and my nosy madam of a dog, I very rarely get to go to toilet without at least one of them barging in on me, investigating what I'm doing. Oh for a locking door! And even when I did have a working lock, it didn't stop whichever DD was mobile from manoeuvring themselves to the door and howling as though I were emigrating without them

When the LOs were smaller, of course I'd leave them for a few minutes to tidy up and use the loo - DS (who is now 11) couldn't care less what I was doing. I think he'd pestered our childminder into oblivion about toiletting and such so by the time I was on maternity with the girls, meh. But the girls have had unrestricted access to me 24/7 for 99.7% of their lives... Why should mummy want to wee/poo/fix her star week business in private?! Let alone shower! But shower with mummy? Work of the devil, that!

I've been a SAHM for the best part of 5 years now, and am contemplating returning to work. I am worried about it a little, but I have to say, a larger part of me is looking forward to it. And I rarely go to baby groups now. I made a point of going to as many as I could afford with dd1, but since having dd2, I learned only recently that I was putting far too much pressure on myself trying to keep everyone else happy.

As balloonspaghetti mentioned, I get so much more done if I have even a couple of hours child free. My MIL now lives locally, she's happy to have the girls every now and again, and I've found a weekly crafting group for myself at the local library. So dd1 is at nursery, dd2 prats around with books, and I get to have a cup of coffee which hasn't been nuked 3 times as well as attempt to make something vaguely constructive that doesn't involve chipping wax crayon off the TV or removing stickers from the dogs!

Routine.

No groups or afternoon groups only.

I used to get DD1 to nursery for 0830 and it was like a military operation - up an hour earlier, wash, change and feed baby, baby in play pen or cot, or rolling around on sitting room floor, get DD1 up, wash, dress, cereal shovelled into her while putting on shoes, out the door at 0815, back at 0845. Stack dishwasher, run hoover round with baby in sling (when she was very little). Sometimes I would just come back from nursery and play with DD2 or we would have a little nap together. The only reasonably clean and tidy rooms were the sitting room and the bathroom.

I'm a sahm, with 4 kids. The holidays have been a nightmare, I've struggled to get out before lunchtime, and that's with having dh to hinder help. Normally, I have a routine, up at 6 to get eldest dd out the door to be on the school bus, get dts (13 months) up at 7, so they're fed and bums changed before dd leaves, ds (8 and home ed) up at 8, and we can leave the house by 9 no problem.
As these holidays have shown, I'm screwed without a routine. Roll on back to normality tomorrow!
Mind you, the housework gets done late at night, and the older kids have to pitch in if they want to go to their clubs, or want me to taxi them about.

I found being a SAHM very draining. I went back to work full-time at the end of my maternity leave when dd was 11 months old because I had to and wanted to and I've stayed there. Dd is now 8. I found it much harder to be at home all day long with the non-stop tidying, preparing meals, clearing up after meals etc. I felt isolated at home. Work gave me mental space (mentioned up thread) and adult company.

Now I have to get up at 6.15am and get to work for 8am, we often don't get home until 6pm or later, and I often don't go to bed until 1am, but it's fine, I drink lots of caffeine and usually manage to get everything done. Dd is doing great.

I don't have any support of any kind but I'm very organised and self-sufficient. I really look forward to the little bits of holidays I get though and try to make the most of time off. Things are much easier now dd is a lot older, things do get easier they really do.

I've done both and for me working is far more difficult.

It's hard at times being a SAHP. it's also hard (and I would say harder, but in a different way) doing a very full on job and being a parent. The dishes still need doing, violin practice has to be listened to and name tapes have to be sewn in. And you have to fit in 50 hours of work and 15 hours of travel.

I have to be fiendishly organised. I've developed a portfolio of support. We have a cleaner and pay a fortune on good childcare. And sometimes I sleep very little. And now and again I reach breaking point. But I still prefer it to the, admittedly less pressured, grind of being at home day in, day out.

It's hard OP - you're not doing anything wrong. Can't tell you how much easier it is as they get older - that is the hardest bit with your ages now .