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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wedding - Is this normal now?!

117 replies

westcoastnortherner · 05/01/2015 20:59

We received an invite to a relative's wedding which came with a handy two pages of info, Poem asking for money etc (can't write on here as will be outed!)

BUT it had a couple of things written on the info sheet which perplexed me at bit.

One was that misbehaving children would be asked to leave the reception by hotel management and secondly there is to be strictly NO pictures to social media on the day. They aren't famous, who cares whether the odd picture is posted?

AIBU or is it normal to ask people not to post pictures?

OP posts:
mrsd2014 · 05/01/2015 21:02

I've heard the request about not putting pictures on social media, with the general feeling being that any guests not attending til the evening will still be surprised when they arrive and not feel as though they have seen it all or missed out on everything that has been before.

The money poems get on my nerves!

sliceofsoup · 05/01/2015 21:05

Well, some people don't like social media. If they do use SM maybe they just want to wait and put the pics up themselves.

Its their wedding and actually I think its probably only polite to only post pics of people who are happy to have their pics posted.

I dislike money poems, but honestly, organising my own wedding last year opened my eyes to how difficult trying to manage other people is, and if they feel the best way to deal with this is to give out info sheets then more power to them.

Our venue was very keen to press the issue of children running about due to their alcohol licence. We didn't have many children at ours, so it wasn't an issue for us, but I can see how it would be.

Bunbaker · 05/01/2015 21:05

"They aren't famous, who cares whether the odd picture is posted?"

That's beside the point. I think it is monumentally rude to post a picture of someone on a public forum without asking them first. I don't think it is an unreasonable request.

The money demand poem, however is just grabby.

NeedABumChange · 05/01/2015 21:07

It's a bit tacky to post pictures before the couple does. It's sad they need to say this. Not sure why they feel the need to say naughty children would be removed- that's a given at an wedding surely? You don't just sit there watching little timmy throw food at the bridesmaids. And sadly I've had a few money poems, they're bloody awful.

sliceofsoup · 05/01/2015 21:09

Yes. Maybe they know that someone on their guest list isn't the sort to stop little Timmy throwing food at the bridesmaids.

Tobyjugg · 05/01/2015 21:09

Posting photos before the "official" ones come out is a real no-no. As for the "money poem", buy them a nice fish slice.

avocadogreen · 05/01/2015 21:10

I think the social media thing is fair enough, I hate it at the best of times if people 'tag' me in unflattering photos on facebook... imagine if that happened on your wedding day.

However the comments about unruly children are just a bit rude and unnecessary!

sliceofsoup · 05/01/2015 21:10

And funnily enough, we actually had a couple of guests ask us if we wanted them to give us a money poem that we could circulate. It was quite bizarre.

Original poster
westcoastnortherner · 05/01/2015 21:11

Interesting, Social media wasn't around when we got married, so I was wondering if it was the norm.

They both use a lot of social media, and have posted a lot about their upcoming wedding.

OP posts:
ProcrastIWillFinishThisLater · 05/01/2015 21:12

I can see why you might read all that and roll your eyes. On one hand, they should get over themselves. On the other hand at least they are telling guests in advance what they want on their day, hopefully that'll avoid any upsets caused by a mismatch of expectations, so it's probably all best said now.

iklboo · 05/01/2015 21:13

My one Bridezilla moment was refusing to get out of the car until FIL some random neighbour of MIL's and her daughter went inside the venue. They were standing outside to take photos of me getting out of the car. The photographer was already going to do that & I didn't want anyone to see me before I made my 'official' entrance & DH would see me at the same time as everyone else.

AuntieStella · 05/01/2015 21:13

Maybe they know that some of their guest list are in vulnerable circumstances and should never have pix posted. And that by delaying the time of posting, people will be sober and more likely to restrict their posting to pix of people they know have no objection, rather than just anything that seemed a good idea at the time.

Bowchickawowow · 05/01/2015 21:16

I would see it as the same as not posting newborn pics / a status about a baby being born until the parents have done so. It's theirs to announce, it takes the shine off a bit to the parents, or bride and groom in this case. Doesn't seem hugely unreasonable to me! My friend used some sort of photo sharing thing where you created your event, and everyone who was coming were invited to the app event, and then you posted your photos on your phone to the app if that makes sense - so b&g had control over these being seen more widely.

cookiefiend · 05/01/2015 21:17

I think the sm request is fine- why should people be forced to have their pictures all over sm? Drove me mad at our wedding- if I wanted to share photos of myself with thousands of random people I would hire a billboard. What I do think is annoying is that social etiquette is so poor you actually have to ask specifically now for people not to post things on sm.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/01/2015 21:18

I don't let people take photos of me and post them on social media - perfectly normal.

Original poster
westcoastnortherner · 05/01/2015 21:19

I've never come across an actual request in an invite before, that's the only reason for asking

OP posts:
FightOrFlight · 05/01/2015 21:20

The Bride wants to look her best on her wedding day. She doesn't want unflattering pictures of her posted on social media by her guests. That should be obvious to anyone.

Never heard of a money poem but as a lot of couples already live together and have all the essentials it makes sense for people to give money imo. If people don;t want to give them the £20 they were going to spend on another toaster/kettle/whatever then that's up to them.

Viviennemary · 05/01/2015 21:20

The money poems are crass, grabby and rude. Whether they are the norm or not. But I think the social media think is fair enough.

grocklebox · 05/01/2015 21:20

You ask guests politely to not post on social media, you don't order them to not dare.
Have they had a manners bypass?

xalyssx · 05/01/2015 21:23

I'm going to ask people not to post photos on my wedding day, I don't mind individual selfies but I certainly don't want any of me on! Luckily everyone invited wouldn't really do this anyway.

CheerfulYank · 05/01/2015 21:23

What BowChicka said. It's theirs to announce.

Crikeyblimey · 05/01/2015 21:27

Also, they may have a guest at the wedding (child maybe) who cannot have their picture shared on sm for lots of reasons.

At least people have been asked not to do it in advance.

Pengyquin · 05/01/2015 21:28

I politely requested that photos weren't taken.

Actually, in our case, it was so that our photographer (who we paid a bomb for) was able to take professional shots of us (and our guests) without them having a phone/ipad in their hands. ie. they were actually enjoying/living in the moment, rather than desperately trying to tag ppl on facebook. For eg, we had a fab shot of us coming out of church with confetti being thrown over us..not one mobile phone in hand.

Also, because the flash from other people's cameras can wreck the professional pics.

Not surprisingly, my MIL (and a few others) threw a massive strop about this and said I was being precious. I don't care! My photos were absolutely stunning.

Corygal · 05/01/2015 21:28

Completely cool not to do it - it's their day and their identity, more to the point.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/01/2015 21:31

You can control your own image though - it's not bad manners to say don't put photos of me on social media.

You can ask them not to put photos up of the event too.

I can only entertain the thought that it may be bad manners to ask people not to take photos of themselves.

But the event you're paying for? Your decorations? Your venue? Your own face? No.