Wedding - Is this normal now?!

[westcoastnortherner]

We received an invite to a relative's wedding which came with a handy two pages of info, Poem asking for money etc (can't write on here as will be outed!)

BUT it had a couple of things written on the info sheet which perplexed me at bit.

One was that misbehaving children would be asked to leave the reception by hotel management and secondly there is to be strictly NO pictures to social media on the day. They aren't famous, who cares whether the odd picture is posted?

AIBU or is it normal to ask people not to post pictures?

All very interesting view points, I wouldn't have gone against their wishes. Its amazing how times have changed, even over the last 10 years or so.

I think a lot of people turn into divas around weddings, but apart from the money poem, I think that all sounds very reasonable. Some people have lost all manners when it comes to social media and the reference to unruly children is obviously a massive hint to parents to be prepared to do some proper parenting of their little ones! I don't blame them

I don't see anything wrong with it (apart from the money poem, but they are everywhere).

Some people don't control their children and some will post everything and anything on sm without a second thought that someone else might not want the 'hilarious' (hideous) photo being seen by the takers 2000 'friends' and anyone else who wants to due to their crap privacy settings.

It never ceases to amaze me how guests think they have some say in how the wedding is run. "oooh I don't like this" and "ooh I don't like that" regarding money poems/photos/annoying children. It's not your fucking wedding day - don't like it, don't go.

Aren't kids usually skidding along the dance floor on their knees high on lemonade anyway. Some kids are highly entertaining at weddings

I wasn't referring to the OP with my last remark, just to clarify. I am, however, sick to the teeth of people moaning about how others plan their special day.

Wow FightOrFlight there's no need to be rude

My friend had a politely worded request in her order of service not to take photos during the ceremony, and also not to post any photos of her and her new husband to social media.

It was lovely, when she came down the aisle, everyone was looking at her with their eyes and not through their phone screens.

I was bridesmaid and was also very glad of this request!

westcoastnortherner

"Wow FightOrFlight there's no need to be rude"

I said up there ^ I wasn't referring to you. It was a general statement based on many years of listening to guests bitching about other people's wedding plans.

I think it's rude to complain about the bride and grooms plans instead of just being pleased to be invited shrugs

Due to space, we were invited to the evening do of my cousin's wedding. Before they had even walked down the aisle pictures of the bridesmaids were posted on Facebook and almost as soon as the ceremony had finished, pictures of the bride and groom appeared. I felt it was a shame that I knew it all before actually getting there to see her in the flesh so to speak, so I can understand why they have put that. And I think the children comment is just a warning so to speak!

I agree with the money poem thing... Especially as you then feel obliged to give a lot more cash than you would if could get a present.

Last two wedding I've been to put 100 in and still felt I was being cheap which I think is wrong ...

I can understand the social media blackout.

A year or so after I got married in a very quiet and private ceremony in the days before smartphones, I discovered quite by chance that one of my friends had uploaded loads of digital photos of my wedding onto an open access image website (think something like Tumblr), and you could find and see them if you googled my name. There were no privacy controls whatsoever, and you didn't need to register with the site to gain access (unlike facebook).

I was pretty shocked that she thought this was okay. Of course, the images were her property but she had never asked permission to take them or release them publicly and, back then, none of us had any idea a guest might just upload photos of someone's else wedding onto the internet without even telling anyone. She had uploaded pictures of my grandmother with caption comments, my seven year old cousins, and even some moments in the ceremony that were religiously very sacred -- and they were all available to view for anyone that found them.

I asked her to take them down or put some privacy controls in place, but she never responded to my emails or calls. They finally disappeared from the web about six years later.

I can see why they're asking for no Facebook uploads.

It's the done thing now for wedding guests to be uploading photos of the couple to FB virtually before they've even finished saying their vows, with no consideration of quality control or whether the groom's pulling an awkward face or the bride's eyes are half closed... It's just nice for the couple to choose a few nice photos themselves to upload, instead of waking up the next day to find themselves tagged in 200 shonky photos taken by a dozen half pissed mates.

Not that that happened to me or anything.

As long as they word it politely I guess it's ok. I'd probably just have a sign up at the venue entrance or put it in the order of service, as invitations shouldn't be massive booklets of instructions. It's their day.

The rowdy child thing is a bit eyebrow raising, but I can see why they did it. My DBs wedding ceremony was spoiled by a six month old who cried through the vows. You can't hear them exchanging vows on the video, but you can see every single guest glaring at the guy holding the baby. Had I been sat closer I would have said something.

My eldest daughter got married last year.

During the planning stage I read on here that someone was really upset that people had posted photos on FB during the course of the day of their wedding.

I was pleased to have the heads-up and mentioned it to my daughter.
She said it was fine, she didn't mind if people did it.

She was so non-bridezilla I was almost disappointed

We didn't allow photos during the ceremony. But the reception, I didn't care.

Works is right about the pics. Weddings aside, why do folk post 200 shite photos, that nobody wants to see, to their Facebook? It would annoy me if I was featured, bride or not.

Meant to say seaoflove there. But also agree with Works' point.

I once heard of a groom who saw the bride getting ready on Facebook as he looked on his phone while waiting for her to arrive....

Social media is fine. I got married before the days of social media and to be honest I don't think I would have wanted a load of unapproved pictures of me gurning round facebook.

Misbehaving children is terrible though. Is that how they worded it?

If they actually worded it as 'misbehaving children will be removed by mangement' it's terrible. But if that's an exaggeration then...

Their day, their way.

Money is easier than buying something remember that scene from Four Weddings and a funeral!

And the photos, their call totally. Lots and lots of reasons why people do not want personal photos on social media other than being famous.

Although the thing about kids is a bit rude! No one has naughty children at a wedding!

I think it is monumentally rude to post a picture of someone on a public forum without asking them first. I don't think it is an unreasonable request.

Totally agree with this re: the photos.

As for everything else: the wording about removing children sounds rude. And asking for cash is always, always rude and crass.

I don't agree with the whole 'your wedding, your rules, and everyone should just be grateful to be invited' attitude. Of course people are pleased to be invited, but it doesn't mean all social etiquette goes out the window.

I had a friend who turned rather bridezilla and said that she didn't want any photos on Facebook, as she wanted the only photos to be her ones from the official photographer. Personally I loved seeing all the photos everyone had taken, as your photographer won't be everywhere and its nice to see different guests perspectives.

She also made a public blog post about how she would hate children at the wedding, but felt obliged to invite family ones.

I ended up not going.

The requests sound reasonable to me, even the money poem. It seems a waste to give people presents that they don't want, and if you can out an envelope of money into a box I think people should do so, to their own budget, without any feelings of awkwardness- why are we so awkward over money in situations like this?