AIBU to drink as much as I do

[anotherusernameblah]

I have changed name blah blah blah

I work really hard. Really hard. I am well compensated. I earn c. £300 K a year. I enjoy my work. I love it.

I also have a 1 year old and a 3 year old. I am married. And most nights I drink at least a bottle of wine. And I love it. It allows me to tune out and turn off from my ludicrously busy life. Most days I can't stop to go to the toilet. That's not just a throw away example of a supposedly busy person. I actually can't take 1-2 minutes to go to the toilet. I don't eat during the day. I just try and juggle and keep body and soul together until the work day ends.

And then I have a drink.

But I can see that I am dependent. And I can't seem to stop it. I have no intention of drip feeding. I'll answer any questions etc. but I wonder AIBU or is this just a reasonable trade off for the business I do.

Good luck with addressing your drink problem. You are brave to face up to it, especially if you work in an environment where you do not show weakness.

Reading this has inspired me to address my drinking too, I had already decided to try a few days, maybe it should be a few weeks. I got 20 in the test.

BTW, going to your GP about this will not have social services banging on your door, nor will it have some insurance company dump you, or any of those myths. Its between you and them and it will go no further. Though perhaps don't bring your brat with you

Bit late to the thread, but just to say that you must be a very intelligent, driven and determined person to get where you have got career-wise.

That gives me (and should give you) complete faith in the fact that you can overcome this. People I know in similar positions to you can switch their determination to any area of their lives, so I agree with PPs - get your running shoes on (or whatever appeals) and head over to Dry January.

You can do this, and your life will be so much better for it.

Well done Op, you have taken the first step to question it and see it's actually a problem. Have a look at the dry January thread, there is a very positive attitude there and you are not alone. The society we live in has made it seem normal to have a drink nightly and it's easy to spin out of control. I have had some tea tonight ;) good luck

Do you want to stop?
Can you think of a way to replace it as a way of unwinding e.g. running.

For real life help you sound pretty busy so here's a couple of options - if you are city based then there's a good/professional clinic offering CBT who have good results in both reducing and drinking www.cognitivebehaviouraltherapy.co/

Otherwise there is SMART recovery, NHS drug/alcohol services, AA and there is an online program here that is very inexpensive and might help lifeprocessprogram.com/

I don't really want to use the word Wow. I would hate to demean any of you, or myself, by doing that. But you have really put me in a difficult position. Your sheer decency and general niceness (for want of a better word) is making me say it out loud.

But I am not going to write it.

I'm telling you…..

Hi op,

It's not healthy but I can easily get in the habit of drinking a bottle of wine a night too, as well as overeating. It's difficult but I tend to go cold turkey for a while and then weekend drinking. It's not ideal-this is day 1 of healthy lifestyle & no week night drinking. After the first couple of days, it's a lot easier. I know this way wouldnt work for everyone but its the best Ive got at the minute until I grow up some more. I would be consumed with guilt if I put my loved ones under unnecessary duress from my becoming ill or dying due to a life of excess.

Good luck

Well done on recognising that you need to deal with this. I would very strongly recommend that you do so sooner rather than later. It is tempting to think "Oh, I'll find it easy to cut down when I'm less busy/stressed/tired etc" but the longer you continue drinking like this the harder you will find it to stop. And you have discovered it's already hard to stop, haven't you? Do it sooner rather than later because you never know when you will cross the line to not being able to stop at all.

Another thought for you:

Between 2000 and 2002 my ex was averaging a bottle of wine a day while holding down a good job plus being a parent. She was an intelligent energetic, work-hard/play-hard kind of person.
2002 - 2005 it went up to a bottle of wine a day plus more whenever the occasion/opportunity arose. She was made redundant but found another job.
At the end of 2005 she finally admitted she was an alcoholic.
2006 was the first time she properly tried to stop.
2007, Social Services decreed that our children should live full-time with me due to her drinking. She lost her job.
2008 saw her first seizure due to alcohol withdrawal and the loss of another job.
2009-2010 saw more hospitalisations due to alcohol abuse/withdrawal effects.
2011. She was sober for the whole year. She saw our DCs a lot during that time and held down a good job.
2012, back to swinging between drunk and sober. She lost her job and didn't get to see the DCs much.
2013 ended with her being hospitalised for a number of weeks with chronic pancreatitis, cirrhosis and other serious health problems caused by alcohol abuse. She was told that if she drank again she would die.
In 2014 she resumed drinking. She died. She was 50.

Telling our children that their mother had died is, without question, the most horrible thing I have ever had to do.

On the Dry January thread, lots of people talk about the 'witching hour'. It is different for everyone, but mine is just before eating dinner - I really fancy a glass of wine with my meal. However, once I have eaten, the urge totally disappears.

If you can occupy yourself over your 'witching hour', you may find that the rest of the evening is not too awful.

(You can say 'wow'!! We won't vomit!)

Plenty of poison here, I don't earn a fraction of what you do but understand your logic. Do yourself a favour and try and eat something inbetween, just a sandwich, it will make a difference. I am only guessing but I think you are quite young, 30-40, you probably won't be doing this all your life, we've all lived the high life at some time - enjoy it and all it's benefits!! Don't crucify yourself, you have a high pressure job and we all need a safety valve! X

when you have nothing and then you have a lot you want to hold on to that. And I do whatever is necessary

If this is the way you think than maybe change the focus from the money to your children. Because drinking a bottle of wine daily, and not eating really isn't doing what is necessary for them.

HowardJTMoon That is so sad, how awful for you and the kids.

Howard that is such a sad post. I am so sorry for yours and your children's loss.

Hi OP - you sound like a high achiever and a lot of high achievers develop drink problems because (a) it's an instant stress reliever and (b) drink is a reward for working hard, achieving success etc.

Of course, you are drinking too much. I drink too much too but have cut down a lot. I can drink a bottle a night but have cut down during the week.

The non peeing and non eating, if anything, sounds even more worrying.

I think you need to take a good look at your lifestyle and live more healthily. You don't need to become a paragon of virtue overnight, but cutting down on the boozy evenings and improving your diet will help a lot.

ah, Howard, there you are

Howard that is so awful.
OP rooting for you.

Howard - how very sad

weighing in a bit late here to say, OP, that there are lots of us here willing you on to do the right thing now you've had your wake up call. Be brave and stay strong. You can beat this.

Good luck, OP. You have so much going for you. All the best.

Howard thank you for sharing. Sorry for your tragic experience.

It sounds like an awful lot, and like you have some dependence. But everyone else has covered that.

I'm not sure I saw your age, but you can't keep that kind of life up. I have also worked in highly intellectual, pressured, devote your entire life to this, kind of organisations and it was ok before I had children and both my dh and I just worked really really hard, forgetting to eat, glued to our blackberrys etc. A LOT of people in my org got burn out after about 3 years of it. (Drinking not an issue for us, but the poor lifestyle generally was bad for both physical and mental health.) People's relationships with partners AND children suffered badly.

Here are some things that have made a difference overall (may not be possible):

I have reduced my hours, initially to about 50 hours per week, then to actual part-time, (since having children).

Work from home where possible, which frees up commute for other things such as taking children to school/gym/cooking.

Fit a mixture of yoga type exercise and running/aerobic type into week, and put that time in your diary so no one can put meetings in. Refuse to give up these times except in dire emergency.

Put a half hour for lunch in diary at least once a week and try to get outside.

Set some small breaks. I've found there's some great desk yoga sequences on Yogatic.com/ Esther Ekhart on YouTube that last 5-10 minutes.

The people who do Natal Hypnotherapy CDs also do a non-pregnancy anti-stress one you could use to wind-down instead.

Look at some kind of evening mobile/laptop use protocol whether that's just at home (no phones at the table), or company-wide (no calls after xpm except in certain defined circumstances).

Also consider that if you are sending emails/calls very late your juniors will feel they have to respond and if THEY get burn-out there may be fall-out on you.

I ask myself the same . I am a bit like you (lower salary though !) and I can easily drink half a bottle a night . And that worries me tbh

Honestly ? I would try and cut down a bit

Lots of people work just as hard for a lot, lot less money. Dp does 60+ hours some weeks, he has to work bank holidays, weekends, he has to drive for 4-6 hours some days, he works out in the freezing cold, in filthy places, gets soaking wet, covered in muck and who knows what. He doesn't even have a toilet on the job let alone have time to go to the toilet.

Get a grip of yourself will you.

There are others caring for sick and disabled children 24/7, they have NO CHOICE.

Money isn't everything, you can go to the toilet if you want to, you can eat an apple or a sandwich, if you want to.

My df was an alcoholic, something awful happened and he has managed to stop. Booze ruins lives, it destroys your body and your mind. Your children won't thank you.

Get some help.