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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to drink as much as I do

136 replies

anotherusernameblah · 05/01/2015 20:04

I have changed name blah blah blah

I work really hard. Really hard. I am well compensated. I earn c. £300 K a year. I enjoy my work. I love it.

I also have a 1 year old and a 3 year old. I am married. And most nights I drink at least a bottle of wine. And I love it. It allows me to tune out and turn off from my ludicrously busy life. Most days I can't stop to go to the toilet. That's not just a throw away example of a supposedly busy person. I actually can't take 1-2 minutes to go to the toilet. I don't eat during the day. I just try and juggle and keep body and soul together until the work day ends.

And then I have a drink.

But I can see that I am dependent. And I can't seem to stop it. I have no intention of drip feeding. I'll answer any questions etc. but I wonder AIBU or is this just a reasonable trade off for the business I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
anotherusernameblah · 05/01/2015 20:21

Hey painpaingoawaynow I hope you are ok and I think you're brilliant to have taken the step you have.

I will hopefully follow in your footsteps

OP posts:
Tutt · 05/01/2015 20:22

Please seek help, if you are dependant you need support and don't just go cold turkey its dangerous.
See your GP or addiction charities/specialists.

Carry on and it will ruin your career, your family and life.

AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 20:22

You are a problem drinker. You recognise you have at the very least a psychological if not a physical addiction to it.

No amount of earning power gives anyone the green light to abuse their body in this way. You do it because you have a compulsion to. You are using your work stress as an excuse.

Beautifulbabyboy · 05/01/2015 20:22

Are you drinking right now?

tak1ngchances · 05/01/2015 20:22

I was living like you (but earning a third of your salary!) and I basucally burned out. Antidepressants, signed off work for 3 months, therapy, the works.
Now I have a very different outlook on life and my career. Will I earn as much money? No. But I will have a much better marriage, a better social life and a healthier body. Which to me is priceless.
Oh, and more sleep!!

PainPainGoAwayNow · 05/01/2015 20:22

I'm sorry if I came across as harsh but I honestly needed something to happen to me to think about the bigger picture and I hope you don't get to the point that I had to get to.

Original poster
anotherusernameblah · 05/01/2015 20:23

Not sure what you mean Iggly. I will presume it wasn't intended to be nasty.
I had children because my husband and I wanted to, because we'd love them and we do. Presumably the same reason 99% of people do.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 05/01/2015 20:23

OP, what would happen (literally) if you stopped to go to the loo? Do your staff go to the loo? What about your colleagues? Would you criticise one of them for taking two minutes to go to the loo?

victoire1208 · 05/01/2015 20:24

As well as the risks to you physically, how on earth do you care for such young children whilst getting toasted?

AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 20:24

OP, do you for example, think you have more of a "right" to get twatted on wine than someone is a less well paid but equally stressful occupation ?

Those caring for terminally ill children perhaps. Minimum wage earners, high stress. Is your need to blot it all out greater than theirs ?

andnowforsomemoreofthesame · 05/01/2015 20:25

I'm very curious to know what you work with :) and also wondering that you must be young (late twenties or early thirties) to be able to do that. You'll burn up quickly.

lalaladeedah · 05/01/2015 20:25

anotheruser - my DH is in one of those kinds of horrible difficult jobs that are stereotyped on TV as having many functioning alcoholics, as did I (both work/ed in A&E) but there is no way either of us would think that drinking a bottle of wine of an evening, every evening would be normal or healthy. So that is an excuse on your part, and not even a good one. Yes, we binge a bit much at the weekend (i.e. a bottle of wine fri or sat) but your liver is going to be paté at this rate.

Remember, men and women metabolise alcohol at different rates, so the damage is worse for you.
Please try and have a few alcohol free nights a week for the sake of your poor body and your family. If you can't manage that, then I'd hazard you have a problem.
Glad the answers you've had have influenced you so far.

andnowforsomemoreofthesame · 05/01/2015 20:26

I mean "burn out" of course... Blush

goodasitgets · 05/01/2015 20:27

I do a nasty, difficult job. Listen to people dying, children choking, babies being born, relatives pleading for people to stay alive. Around 100 calls a day
To Switch off I use exercise or a bath or a film
You need to replace it with a better way of decompressing

Original poster
anotherusernameblah · 05/01/2015 20:27

Thanks Anyfucker and thanks everyone else.
I obviously wrote because I needed a wake up call (well a wake up roar). I knew what was what and that what I was doing wasn't acceptable.

To those of you who refer repeatedly to my salary - that was included to explain (if it does) why I prioritise my work and why I allow myself to have my working life run the way it does. If you come from where I come from, and you haven't had money, then you might understand why someone prioritises making it to the point where they feel they need a bottle of wine after their day's work.

OP posts:
OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 05/01/2015 20:28

I think the very fact you've tried to stop numerous times and have failed means you're an alcoholic. A functioning alcoholic, but one nonetheless.

How long have you been drinking like this?

AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 20:28

OP, why don't you ask your GP to run some basic blood tests including liver function ? Might be the wake up call you really need.

SunshineAndShadows · 05/01/2015 20:28

Do you work in the health services, drive or have another role where your drinking is likely to impact your performance? Because it will. Lots of people work incredibly hard for a lot less than you do. Lots of us have emotionally challenging jobs.
You don't need to drink to fight the darkness
You are storing up trouble for your family and career
Please stop

dun1urkin · 05/01/2015 20:28

If you are concerned that you're drinking too much, do this 'test'

It's commonly used in the NHS to help identify if drinking is problematic.

We did this in our office one day, it certainly opened a few peoples eyes... Shock

www.alcohollearningcentre.org.uk/_library/AUDIT-C.doc

Beautifulbabyboy · 05/01/2015 20:29

Asgoodasitgets... I presume you are a 999 call handler. Hats off to you and thank you. Flowers

googoodolly · 05/01/2015 20:32

OP, you're heading for a breakdown. Physically and mentally. You cannot sustain this lifestyle long-term without it seriously impacting on your health. If you're drinking at least a bottle a night you are probably not safe to drive to work the next day. If you get stopped on your way to work, you would get banned from driving and you would probably lose your job.

You're using your job as an excuse to drink excessively and you've said you can't stop drinking. You're a functioning alcoholic and you need to get help. It is not healthy to drink that much, work that hard and eat as little as you do, nor is it normal or acceptable because of your salary or work environment.

Go to your GP (preferable with your DH) and get some help before you damage your life (and your DH's and children's lives) forever.

Altinkum · 05/01/2015 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
anotherusernameblah · 05/01/2015 20:32

Thank you asgoodasitgets. I need to do what you recommend.

I am a long term user of the forum but have never (I think) posted for help. This is pretty bizarre. I have repeatedly agreed that I am at fault, I am to blame, my behaviour is inexcusable and still people feel the need to kick.

I have tried to explain why I prioritise a job which pays exceptionally well and I have been met with repeated queries as to whether I think I am better or more worthy. I don't and I am not. But (as I said before) when you have nothing and then you have a lot you want to hold on to that. And I do whatever is necessary. And it has worked, in my field, I am in a position that I couldn't have dreamed of 10 years ago.

Anyway, over and out. Thank you for your help. I am completely unreasonable and I will sort it out.

Thank you

OP posts:
magpieginglebells · 05/01/2015 20:34

My sister could have written this 5 years ago. Her 8 year old son had his first Christmas without his mum this year.

ImperialBlether · 05/01/2015 20:35

I can completely understand. In your situation, though, I would think you could switch the alcohol and get into something like running that might allow you to escape, albeit in a different way. You know what you're doing, you know that if you continue with it you are likely not to have a) a good relationship with your children as they get older and b) a shorter, more painful life. You are in the very best position now to stop it.

I understand why you mentioned your salary. You've done amazingly well and I can see why you might feel invincible at times. However, you're not - there's a price for each of those drinks. Now is the time to stop - your job is demanding, your children are lovely - time to do something in your limited free time which is good for you and which makes you forget you need to escape.