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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to drink as much as I do

136 replies

anotherusernameblah · 05/01/2015 20:04

I have changed name blah blah blah

I work really hard. Really hard. I am well compensated. I earn c. £300 K a year. I enjoy my work. I love it.

I also have a 1 year old and a 3 year old. I am married. And most nights I drink at least a bottle of wine. And I love it. It allows me to tune out and turn off from my ludicrously busy life. Most days I can't stop to go to the toilet. That's not just a throw away example of a supposedly busy person. I actually can't take 1-2 minutes to go to the toilet. I don't eat during the day. I just try and juggle and keep body and soul together until the work day ends.

And then I have a drink.

But I can see that I am dependent. And I can't seem to stop it. I have no intention of drip feeding. I'll answer any questions etc. but I wonder AIBU or is this just a reasonable trade off for the business I do.

OP posts:
goodasitgets · 05/01/2015 20:36

beautiful yes I am. And I earn less than a tenth of what OP does. I get the stress I do, but you have to find a non destructive way to cope

Iggly · 05/01/2015 20:36

I asked because you're working your backside off with young children and killing yourself by drinking every night. I would have thought you'd have at least tweaked things a bit because you say you put work first above everything - I just wondered why you brought children into the equation as is there "space" for them? Not nasty, no.

Original poster
anotherusernameblah · 05/01/2015 20:37

I don't know that I have much more to offer.

I don't drive (I can but I don't on a day to day basis) and I don't do a job that involves driving.

I am not in any way sulking or flouncing (God Forbid). I needed a kick and I got it. Gently from most of you. I have watched and listened to so many of you over the last few years and I genuinely value your input and your detached and open observations.

I will genuinely take everything you have said on board and I will hopefully report back in a month as someone who has had a dry (almost) January.

Thank you. None of the emoticons seems to fit. Maybe this one Blush

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 20:37

Why don't you keep this thread going as a support to you. There have been lots of replies even if they weren't all worded exactly as you might have wished.

Go see your GP, ask for LFT's and a referral to alcohol support services then come back and update us.

ImperialBlether · 05/01/2015 20:39

Grin at the thought that 999 handlers earn £300,000 per year.

AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 20:40

cross posted with you OP

will you seek some RL help ?

there is no need to be Blush you know

Original poster
anotherusernameblah · 05/01/2015 20:40

Imperialblether - you pretty much brought a tear to my eye. Thank you for such a lovely compassionate decent way of expressing what I needed to hear. Thank you.

Thank you iggly too. My babies are loved, and I love them. They are great.

goodasitgets - thank you again, You are such a kind person, if I were ever to need to contact emergency services I just hope I would get someone as kind as you.

OP posts:
Shakey1500 · 05/01/2015 20:41

I can also understand why you mentioned your salary and don't think you posted it to in any way stealth boast. You must have worked incredibly hard to achieve this and be really proud. I come from poverty and our household income is what I consider to be above average for our area. I am immensely proud and protective of this.

I wish you all the best.

AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 20:41

OP, did you do that quick test posted above

I did. I got a score of 11. So Blush for me too.

Original poster
anotherusernameblah · 05/01/2015 20:42

Hey Anyfucker - I cross posted with you.

Ok. I will do that, I will get real life help. I will. It may take a week or two to set up, But I will. I will do it for myself and my family and I know that you won't be waiting behind a door with a big stick but I will do it anyway and I will report back.

I have often seen the great help you give to people and nodded along with your posts.

Thanks

OP posts:
anothernumberone · 05/01/2015 20:43

OP I get why you put the information you did in your OP and it is relevant. You are part of a live fast, die young brigade which is completely unsuited to being a parent of young children. You need to make changes, no money is worth you children losing you at a young age. Apply the same rigour to your recovery as you have done to your career and you can get past this but not without huge changes to your work and lifestyle.

lalaladeedah · 05/01/2015 20:43

Your salary has nothing to do with any of this. You work hard, you are paid as you are paid. That is nothing to judge you for and I totally understand why you mentioned it.
I just hope you are able to find a way of decompressing that isn't so damaging to your health. Did you take the quiz dun1urkin posted? I just did and found it a bit worrying as well. So I'm glad you started this thread as I think it's a good thing to be aware of the damage alcohol can do, even when you don't think you're drinking that much...

goodasitgets · 05/01/2015 20:44

I think it's prioritising yourself as well. I get it, I've walked in from a shift and sunk an entire bottle of wine straight out the bottle (what else do you do when it's your colleagues relative that's died on the phone to you?)
But it's not good for me, and it's not long term
I love an ice cold glass of lime and fizzy water, a hot bath and clean sheets... Could you think along those lines?

AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 20:44

what was your score, lala ?

AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 20:46

imperial has suggested an equally "punishing", consuming and distracting decompression activity

running

you can pound the fuck out of the streets, all that happens is you get fitter and the bottom of a wine bottle starts to lose it's appeal

Original poster
anotherusernameblah · 05/01/2015 20:48

I nearly couldn't bear doing the quiz.

I got 19 in total. I presume the number relates to both parts?

OP posts:
SocialMediaAddict · 05/01/2015 20:48

Good luck.

ConfusedInBath · 05/01/2015 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fedupandfeelingold · 05/01/2015 20:49

I can resonate with your post on
It also drink a bottle (or more) a night
I am a top worker (high achiever) at work. Worried but not changed
Wonder actually if I went to go and asked for blood tests would they refer?
Good luck op anyway.
You sound more likely to succeed than me.

TattyDevine · 05/01/2015 20:50

I'm not going to kick you, just some constructive advice: if you try and give up and find you "can't" (say because your mood is so vile, or you just can't wind down or get circular anxious thoughts etc) there are 2 things you can do - one is go to your GP and explain that you are struggling with alcohol dependency or hazardous levels of drinking (whichever wording you prefer) - they will understand what you mean by that - and yes they may ask you how many units you are drinking in a week - don't lie - and ask for a course of Librium. Its a reducing dose of Benzos, starting off with a certain amount and reducing daily for 7 days. This is called a 7 day medical detox, and it is very helpful for people who want to give up but cave on day 2 and stuff like that. (Lots of these people will think they lack willpower but your body gets used to a certain amount of alcohol and the benzos will stop these symptoms, allowing you to safely and more comfortably go cold turkey). Its not quite as big a deal as it sounds, in that you will still be able to go to work and function and all that (possibly better than when on the booze! though you might want to start day 1 of the course on a weekend just to be sure they don't affect you weirdly).

If you really don't fancy doing that for whatever reason, a slower weaning off could work - if you really are drinking 1 bottle a night and no more, go to 2 x 250ml glasses for a week, then down to one for a week, then stop. This prolongs the "agony" though and often its best to go cold turkey whilst you are feeling motivated.

You might not need to do this if you are just say drinking one bottle of white wine a night, or even red for that matter, there's not that much in it really, but if you find you are "failing" and can't quite work out why because you have motivation, it could well be your body crying out for it.

Yes, I have been through this a few years ago Blush (and come out the other side fine btw - I can now drink on weekends and whilst I sometimes drink more than I should on the weekend, it IS only on the weekend so there is no physical dependency or threat of it - this would be a great improvement for you too, if you are currently drinking daily). This is if you don't go down the route of "never drinking again". Contrary to popular beliefs on the subject, you are not necessarily an alcoholic (though you may be) and you may well be able to re-learn how to drink socially and at less hazardous levels, or not, time will tell. Its different for everyone and not always black and white.

Good luck!

springlamb · 05/01/2015 20:50

You define yourself too much by your job/what you earn. You do need a physical check up and will need practical help to end this cycle you're on.
But I think you could also do with some general counselling, you need to begin to see all the other things that you are, the other people you're important to, the other things you could be in the future.

AnyFucker · 05/01/2015 20:50

that's how I read it

a total of 19 is a worry, but you know that

TattyDevine · 05/01/2015 20:51

Fedupandfeelinggold if you went to your GP and told them you were drinking a bottle or more of wine a night, the first thing they would do is ask for liver function tests - its best practice.

See my post above, if you fancy tackling it, it may be a way forward for you too.

lalaladeedah · 05/01/2015 20:54

It was 5. But then you start to think - I had 3 glasses of wine at a mates on Sat night, half a bottle on Sunday night (and who the hell knows anymore what the hell unit content a 'glass' is. I suspect a glass is like one of those little pub glasses from the 70s, not the big vats that people drink out of nowadays…) So is the score actually more, and I'm just kidding myself...

I know it's been Xmas, so things have been abnormally 'drinky' but sometimes I do find it difficult not to have a drink of wine if there is wine in the house. That's why I've 'banned' wine boxes or having random wine around the place during the week. I have no problem not drinking the nasty Ouzo in our pantry though!

Original poster
anotherusernameblah · 05/01/2015 20:54

Thanks Tattydevine, confusedinbath, socialmediaaddict, anyfucker and springlamb.

You've been a huge help.
And everyone else.

It has certainly cleared a few cobwebs and all the excuses I have been making have been wiped away

OP posts:
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