AIBU to be worried that DS may still need a pushchair at 3 years old +?

[ostrichhead]

AIBU to be worried that my child may still use a pushchair when he is 3?

I feel like I am perhaps failing badly after reading a thread on the pushchair pages. DS is 2.3 now but I cannot imagine life without one.

I have just bought him a scooter, but no way could I use that for a day out yet, although a simple trip to the corner shop it is possible for. I am also trying to find one of those backpack type carriers as an alternative to get us to rely less on the buggy as part of it is probably that for me as a single mum who doesn't drive it's a darn sight easier than simply carrying shopping on my arms, plus a changing bag, plus child on reins who wants to go in different directions or stop and talk to random cats/dogs every few mins...

DS has tantrums and I don't feel he would be safe given these tantrums without the buggy atm - he thinks nothing of throwing himself on the floor and headbutting it, concrete or not, and doesn't calm down from tantrums for a good 20 minutes at the earliest. I am worried about these, though the rest of his development seems fine so just praying currently he would grow out of it soon.

Do all these people who probably look at me and think what an awful mum I am all drive or something? DS is 2.3 but in 3-4 clothing and tall so I would expect most people already think he is at least 3.

I'm starting to think perhaps my lifestyle is unfair on DS - I often spend a whole day out with him, or travel on long journeys on numerous trains/buses and it would just never happen if we didn't have a buggy but perhaps I'm doing far too much with him anyhow?

And yes, I NC for this because I didn't want to get slated under my reg name if I do...

Don't worry about it

I've just swapped my double for a single, DC3 has just turned 4 DC4 is 2.8.
DC3 has always walked far, he has walked half way up Snowdon.
However he has his own agenda and often it just wasn't safe or practical to have him walking. He is also a tantrummer, when he is in full tantrum mode there is no calming him.
My eldest was out of a buggy mostly by 2 though I used it for shopping until she started playgroup at 2.6.

thanks awfulomission

Unfortunately my HV was not much use... she immediately jumped to autism despite me having a long chat explaining that I as an overconcerned parent had already done the MCHAT checklist and he scored so far down the list that it was off my radar.

Even though she knows the history of his fathers illness also, as it came up in pregnancy and we were flagged up to several services due to to it.

Currently I'm trying to find a parenting course...

I suppose I might pop along to the GP and see if I have any more luck there, but as we are about to start nursery I'm secretly hoping that it will reveal a bit more - eg whether he has them when with other people, and if he does perhaps they will be helpful in getting anyone to listen.

It's a shame really as otherwise, he's very happy, friendly, sociable and of course as every pfb parent thinks - I think he's bright.

My DD is nearly 3 - she naps late afternoon, often during school run or either side of it so usually tired.

I think it is safer to do the school run twice a week with her in buggy anyway.

Ds3 who is 3.7 still jumps in my double on long walks at times (esp for a sneaky snooze). Just got him a new scooter (micro mini type) and its allowed him to go greater distances without getting tired where his old cheaply scooter he gave up by the end of the street. 2.3 is still a toddler ( plus buggy is great for shopping)

Also all my boys had public meltdowns as they are very strong willed so buggy was handy. My friend has girl of 2 and she walks lovely everywhere where as my 2 year old throws himself on the floor, sits down or runs off - can't see buggy going any time soon

Today's tantrum at home went on for an hour because I would not put the tv on. When I left the room he followed me then flung himself down at my feet screaming, this went room to room. No distracting him, pacifying him, just had to ride it out - jo?

I think you have to reframe your thinking about your DS looking older than he is. When people assume DD is older than she is and then find out her age, they often look embarrassed for jumping to a conclusion, and rightly so. It is very much their problem, no yours. It was the same when people mistook DD for a boy for at least a year.

DD was in her pushchair until just shy of 3.5. I don't drive and the walk to/from the bus stop could be horrendous.

We may well have used it for longer but moved house and luckily now have a bus stop outside our door.

Don't worry what other people may or may not think. Do what works for you. Truth is most people don't look or care anyway

I used mine till over 4 with each. I walked everywhere and it allowed us to get down to town to groups etc (20 mins my fast pace thus I got proper exercise). Don't worry about what everyone thinks!

I used to hide my oldest DDs buggy round the corner in a bush when I collected her from nursery at three and a half! She was knackered and all the other parents had their DC in all day...so we were always the only ones leaving after lunch....she used to sit in it all the way home happily.

She's ten now and walks everywhere. No damage done.

YANBU. I hate competitive, my child was out of a pushchair and walked everywhere from 6 months bollocks. Drives me mad.

I took ds back to school in the pushchair. he had done a morning session in reception... drove to school to collect dd, he was unwakable... tried standing him up, jelly legs collapsing to the pavement... could not carry so got out the pushchair that was still in the boot for emergencies and long trips. I blame school for wearing him out in the morning...

sod what other people think. one of mine is hypermobile and finds walking painful, the other jelly legged sleeping four year old has asd and sometimes refused to walk, or it was safer to have him strapped down and controlled...

for goodness sake do not try to carry him on your back, you will buckle at the knees.

mrsTawdry that made me smile!

If you get judged by anyone for having a 3yo in a pushchair, just remember that they and their kid probably spend hours in a pushchair every day--a ginormous petrol-powered pushchair with a steering wheel, that is.

Of course it's great to encourage walking as much as possible (apart from anything else, it makes them sleep better at night...), but when they have been on their feet for ages and are tired, it is a lifesaver to have somewhere for them to have a break for a while.

My advice?

Stop overthinking it!

If you need a buggy, you need a buggy. DS3 turned 3 in October and as we don't have a car, we still use a buggy for him. DH takes him out to do the shopping in it (so it all gets crammed underneath) and he also gets picked up from nursery in it. It's only half a mile but he's too heavy to carry and is often really tired.

DH used to judge - until I pointed out that an older child you see in a buggy, may have had a long journey, have a sore leg, have some special needs that require it - all in all I told him to stick his beak OUT! We had a car then, but now we don't he sees what I mean.

And just so you know, I used a double buggy and sling with DTS and then a single, sling and buggy board until they were four. They just got knackered walking round town - one memorable day was when all three were asleep, and we had to find somewhere to sit as the twins were far to big really to be carried but DS3 was also a monster in the sling!

I don't drive, so I keep the pushchair until I think that the child is old enough to walk/cycle/scoot a mile to the doctors (and back again) while feeling ill. This is generally not until the end of reception.

Another one voting not to worry about it! My DS was in a pushchair forever - but this was partly because I would do mammoth walks with him for several miles every day into town/parks etc. I used to sling the scooter under it and he'd do a mixture of the two.

Again, I think people who abandon the pushchair early often are the ones who drive everywhere. Or have natural walkers. My DS was definitely not a natural walker.

There is something peculiar about looking down on others for using a pushchair. I think it must be due to snobbery but I can't understand it. I happily use a pushchair for my three and a half year old, we walk long distances and I don't have the time to go at a three year olds pace.
He walks part of the way then I put him in the chair when he's had enough. If anyone's judging me they are, quite simply, idiotic. What do they know of our plans for the day?

I drive everywhere but I use the pushchair loads still. One important feature is containment. :)

My son (2) doesn't like to hold hands or be told which way to go. If he's still the same at 3 he'll still be in the pushchair otherwise we'll never get anywhere.

We don't have a car and a walk to the shops is a good mile plus each way, DS loved his pushchair and it was so helpful carrying shopping that I didn't care what anyone else thought so we used it daily until he was 4 years old. Usually the deal was he could sit in it on the way to the shops but had to walk back as it was loaded with shopping.

As DS is very tall for his age I had people (men mostly) commenting from age 2 that he was too big and should be walking. I'd just smile sweetly and then ignore them.

Using the pushchair for as long as I did just made life easier and hasn't adversely affected DS :)

I don't drive and both my elder children used the buggy until they were 3.5 at least. Not every day but certainly for longer distances. My youngest is only 9 months so I can't say how long I will use it for this time but I think it's perfectly normal for children to be in a pushchair at 3 or 4.

RandomMess do you still know this mum? Because "mild ASD traits" at that age could equal quite severe ASD later
in which case there are a myriad of reasons she could have needed the buggy even if her DD could run. Mainly to stop a huge meltdown or DD running off. If her DH and DS are diagnosed With ASD and you said her DD had traits I would not judge.

I wouldn't judge anyway..people do what they have to do.

If you're out all day with him, as you say, could it not be that he is over tired? We just went on holiday with our 2 year-old twins, and it was amazing to see the difference a loss of structured naps made. I have always had quite a strict routine with them, so we normally stay home for their afternoon nap.

On holiday I relaxed a lot more and let them grab sleep when we were out, in the buggy or in the car (had previously thought they were ready to drop the nap anyway). I thought they were still getting enough sleep, but my god the tantrums spoke otherwise! It was AWFUL. I didn't even know they were capable of tantrums like we experienced!

Back home now and back to naps in their cot every afternoon and they are like different children.

I know you're a single mum, so it must be very hard to juggle, but might a bit more proper napping help at all?

I used it until about 3.5. He would walk for a bit and then just have screaming fits until I carried him. So I just carried a fold up Maclaren with me for when I needed it. We use the scooter now for the same purpose

"People who say they threw the buggy out at 2 drive everywhere"

No they don't. I didn't have a car, DS didn't go in a buggy from 18 months. Easier for me to get on buses, he was good and walked well.

He went back in a disability buggy aged 4 because of his neurological regression and subsequent disabilities.

Just do whatever's best for your child. If that's a buggy then go for it, every child is different and every child needs different things, regardless of how we parent