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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be worried that DS may still need a pushchair at 3 years old +?

124 replies

ostrichhead · 04/01/2015 21:41

AIBU to be worried that my child may still use a pushchair when he is 3?

I feel like I am perhaps failing badly after reading a thread on the pushchair pages. DS is 2.3 now but I cannot imagine life without one.

I have just bought him a scooter, but no way could I use that for a day out yet, although a simple trip to the corner shop it is possible for. I am also trying to find one of those backpack type carriers as an alternative to get us to rely less on the buggy as part of it is probably that for me as a single mum who doesn't drive it's a darn sight easier than simply carrying shopping on my arms, plus a changing bag, plus child on reins who wants to go in different directions or stop and talk to random cats/dogs every few mins...

DS has tantrums and I don't feel he would be safe given these tantrums without the buggy atm - he thinks nothing of throwing himself on the floor and headbutting it, concrete or not, and doesn't calm down from tantrums for a good 20 minutes at the earliest. I am worried about these, though the rest of his development seems fine so just praying currently he would grow out of it soon.

Do all these people who probably look at me and think what an awful mum I am all drive or something? DS is 2.3 but in 3-4 clothing and tall so I would expect most people already think he is at least 3.

I'm starting to think perhaps my lifestyle is unfair on DS - I often spend a whole day out with him, or travel on long journeys on numerous trains/buses and it would just never happen if we didn't have a buggy but perhaps I'm doing far too much with him anyhow?

And yes, I NC for this because I didn't want to get slated under my reg name if I do...

OP posts:

Original poster

ostrichhead · 04/01/2015 22:00

Well I must say, everyone is being very nice on this thread. Over on the pushchair thread, a buggy at 3 appears to be child neglect (well ykwim)

I will of course, in practice just have to get on with it, and do what is necessary. If that means a buggy then he shall still be in it.

Does anyone have any tips for handling the tantrums in public minus the pushchair as a restraint and just walking swiftly past all the judgey pants out there?

OP posts:

LetTheRiverAnswer · 04/01/2015 22:01

As pp have said, you really don't need to worry at all..I don't drive either and am often out all day and cover reasonable distances, little legs need a rest and little children need to zone out/have naps too. Pushchairs are also great for carrying shopping and all the gumpf that comes with children-nappy bags/spare clothes when you're potty training, water bottles, jumpers, things they've made at playgroup etc. Nothing worse than over estimating how far a child can walk and struggling home carrying loads of stuff and cajouling a miserbale child along.
Ive used carriers a lot,esp if I'm hoping on trains or buses or think dc will be mostly walking, and I'd really recommend a soft type carrier(eg an ergo carrier) over the big frame type, if you go down that route. They're much more convenient and useable IME

Buttercup27 · 04/01/2015 22:01

My ds is 2.9 and I tried a 15 min walk to the park, a 30 min play and then a 15 min walk home. It took an hour and a half because ds kept sitting down on the way back. I couldn't carry him as his little brother was in the pushchair that will teach me for leaving the double buggy in dh car! I've decided that I will slowly build up to being buggy free.
Maybe you could look into a travel buggy- one that folds up into a back pack. Your ds could walk with you until tired and you will still have both hands free. He can then go in the buggy as an when needed or if somewhere gets to crowded etc.

MisForMumNotMaid · 04/01/2015 22:02

DS1 (now 11 and as tall as me) would still be in the pushchair if we let him. Unfortunately I'm not joking, he's Autistic and finds walking challenging. The pushchair was a safe haven for him.

DS2 was out of the pushchair when he learnt to run at about 2.5. (Very late walker - went straight for running and then refused to be confined).

DD is 4 this month. She's firmly in the pushchair. Another very late walker and the school then nursery run is 6 miles each way. Its just easier to have the pushchair option to get everyone where they need to be.

Some of those i know who bin the pushchair at 2 either drive everywhere, have very full time childcare so trips out are significantly more limited or are exaggerating because they have that one for holidays, weekends and when they go to the shops/ days out.

But then I do know one person whose DD3 cruised/ walked at 7 months and the pushchair was gone at 18months as she was a confident walker.

noseymcposey · 04/01/2015 22:02

Don't worry - I would probably be one of those mum's you hear saying that they ditched the pushchair at 2 but DS always hated it and we pretty much drive everywhere that's necessary and only walk for fun. If we had to walk long distances, and be there at a certain time, things would be different. As long as he sometimes walks for distances that are manageable then sitting in a pushchair is no different to sitting in a car seat.

Iggly · 04/01/2015 22:04

Yabu

I have a 5&3 year old. If I wanted to get dd (3) to preschool 3 hours late after dropping ds at school, I'd ditch the pushchair because I don't drive.

Original poster

ostrichhead · 04/01/2015 22:08

The changing bag - still need as we no longer carry nappies as is potty trained but I do need several changes of clothes plus his travel potty as he wont pee in a public loo

The backpack thing - I just thought using something that could be folded into bag when not in use might be a helpful transition - there if we needed it, but out of sight and away from judgey eyes and comments when we didn't. A backpack pushchair might be a better way to go though, I suppose... but would it be strong enough to carry any shopping and bumpf on when in use?

OP posts:

fluffymouse · 04/01/2015 22:08

Don't stress about what others think. It really doesn't matter. Most people couldn't care less what you do anyway.

We used the pushchair till around 3.5. At age 4 I'm sure dd would still be in one if we let her but I'm glad we have binned it.

Pico2 · 04/01/2015 22:08

Why not wait until he has grown out of public tantrums before ditching the buggy? I don't know if this is realistic or not.

TeenAndTween · 04/01/2015 22:10

I used DD2's pushchair occasionally when she was 4.5.
Mainly it was gone, but if she was tired and I had to be somewhere quickly then she went in the pushchair.

slithytove · 04/01/2015 22:11

I've bought a stupidly expensive double buggy and intend to get the use out of it. Therefore if ds still uses it on occasion when he is a 4 year old preschooler, I'll be fine with it.

PoppySausage · 04/01/2015 22:11

At 2.3 with a tantrumming dd I could not see the buggy gone. By 3.3 using it rarely. Dd is now 4.1 and never use it

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 04/01/2015 22:12

We walk everywhere, my youngest is just two. I can imagine us needing the pushchair for another year at least! - we often have kit with us, eg swimming stuff - two kids, one not three, me with arms full of bags, herding them both for over two miles just to make a point in getting tinytot out of the pushchair? No Way. We'd simply do less if we didn't use it. It doesn't mean they don't get huge amounts of exercise - they certainly do. Different if you have a car, though!

RandomMess · 04/01/2015 22:13

Eventually you replace the pushchair threat with the reins/wrist link threat

Wolfiefan · 04/01/2015 22:16

My DD is 5. I have used a pushchair with her. Eg shopping when it is busy, I have a lot of distance to cover or she's shattered.
People can judge me all they like. I couldn't give a hoot!

Topseyt · 04/01/2015 22:16

Plenty of children still use a buggy aged 3, and older. Mine certainly did. as it would have taken forever to get anywhere without it. Two of them were also very late walkers (bum-shufflers rather than crawlers). One did not walk until 23 months and the other at 21 months. They needed the buggy until quite a late stage for that reason.

I also liked the buggy for many reasons. Containment of toddler and therefore better safety, wheeling shopping home in the basket etc. I kind of missed it once mine were no longer using it.

Don't worry about what other people may think. Do what works for you.

Original poster

ostrichhead · 04/01/2015 22:16

I suppose the anxiety comes (now) from realising he looks to anyone who doesn't know him already well over 3 years old. Tbh he does look cramped in his maclaren techno XLR which I think is a buggy ppl often choose for older toddlers.

The public tantrums, I'm really worried he wont grow out of them. As I say, he has no other issues developmentally but his father has an illness which may be geneticly inherited (we wont probably really know till adolescence) and apparently he was still having public meltdowns? (not sure I want to use that word as I know its more appropriate to autism and this isn't that, so seems like I'm excusing the behaviour) but they do seem like extreme or very long tantrums and I just don't know how to control them, neither did his mother - he still had them as a teenager and finally stopped about 15...

OP posts:

Discopanda · 04/01/2015 22:17

Mine is just under 3 but I sometimes have to take her out on errands in the pushchair if she's in a tantrummy mood because I'm 6 months pregnant so just too fat and tired to wrestle with her. She walks most places but a whole day out is too much without a buggy, esp cos I don't drive.

setthefire · 04/01/2015 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waltonswatcher · 04/01/2015 22:22

Pushchair police now fgs .
My dd will walk happily but also needs a rest stop . My pushchair is my saviour . It carries coats,blankets,rugs,brollies,wellies... You get the drift !
I will take it to the charity shop when she leaves home . Until then its hers to use and mine to enjoy pushing .

MrsMook · 04/01/2015 22:25

I still use the pram/ buggy for Ds2, but it's frequently hijacked by Ds1 who is 4. He's a good walker, but can get tired in the afternoons or sometimes I need a faster pace. I keep a ring sling as back up and am happy to carry either of them depending on their need.

pookamoo · 04/01/2015 22:25

We use the pushchair when we need to be somewhere on time! DD2 is 3 years 3 months.

As soon as she gets out she wants to explore, which really doesn't help with errands or school run!

awfulomission · 04/01/2015 22:26

If you are worried about his tantrums ask the hv or gp if there are any early intervention behavioural support teams in your area. We saw a psychologist for guidance on ds very angry behaviour when he was 4 or 5 and they were really helpful. We were referred by another doctor (he has a physical disability) but hv/gp could refer too.

Jbck · 04/01/2015 22:27

When DD2 started school at 4 and 9 months if Id taken the buggy to pick her up she'd have gladly go in it for the first couple of months.
Took it on holiday for both DDs till 4.5 and I really missed it for carrying shopping, jackets, snacks etc when we did ditch it.
Use it till you don't need it OP and ignore the haters

BrianButterfield · 04/01/2015 22:27

I have a 2.5 yr age gap and read loads on here about not buying a double with that kind of gap. Well, I'm glad I did. We didn't use it much, and as it turned out DS was out of it by 3, but for those few months it was great! The back seat laid flat for newborn DD and DS sat up proudly in his little seat at the front. After a while he was out of it more than in until one day I realised I was only ever taking the single out, but it was a natural progression and I never pushed the issue. He asked for it a bit wistfully the other day (3.5 now) but conceded he didn't need it. He still gets tired walking a lot though and likes to be carried if DH is with us.

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