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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask that DH wear jeans that suit his bigger size

33 replies

couchparsnip · 04/01/2015 13:03

I know I am probably BU and he should be allowed to wear what he wants.

He wears a suit for work that he looks good in but he is getting too big for his old jeans and hasn't bought new ones. Most of the old ones are size 40 waist and he's more like a 50 waist now so they end up low slung under the belly. They constantly creep lower even with a belt and he is often showing off his pants like a teenager and the bottoms get all ragged from standing on them. He has to pull them up all the time and if his hands are not free he is in real danger of the jeans falling all the way down. As well as that he has favourite T-shirts that don't meet the jeans any more so there's bare belly overhang. It's making me cringe but if I mention it he says I am overreacting.

I have tried buying new jeans myself but can't find any big enough in normal shops to go around his waist. If he wanted to buy from the 'big and tall' type mens shops he would have to go and get measured, which he won't do because he thinks his old jeans still fit. Arrghh! AIBU? Should I just let him wear the old stuff if he wants to?

OP posts:
Original poster
couchparsnip · 04/01/2015 13:05

OK 'let him wear the old stuff' sounds like I am a control freak. Maybe IABU!

OP posts:
simbacatlivesagain · 04/01/2015 13:06

You have to be cruel to be kind at a 50 inch waist he is morbidly obese. You need to discuss it.

Vycount · 04/01/2015 13:07

I'd be more concerned about his health than his jeans.

capsium · 04/01/2015 13:09

Are there not any you can order online?

Other than that I would see what you could do together regarding reducing his belly. Walks? Cycling? Swimming? Some new recipes / healthy meals?

Mrsgrumble · 04/01/2015 13:09

Not the same issue but my dh was in a rut of wearing old tracksuit bottoms and 90s t shirts all the time at home and weekends

I said to him he wouldn't have turned up on dates like that and it was putting me off him (I wasn't that blunt)

He now makes the effort (I've no problem with slobbing around but it was constant and I try and dress nicely)

Harsh but it worked. Think you need to tell him. He will be more comfortable too.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 04/01/2015 13:10

Been there, done that. IME, he's not going to listen to you. No solution to offer, as honestly couldn't find a solution with stbx either. The only way IMO to save your dignity here is to dress appropriately yourself, and take heart that most people will see that you are dressed well and realise that he is an adult and dresses himself and make his own (poor) clothing choices.

TheBuskersDog · 04/01/2015 13:11

If my husband had gained ten inches on his waist (from an already large size) his jeans would not be my main worry.

capsium · 04/01/2015 13:11

Try to remain positive though, if he loses his confidence it can be very demotivating.

HighwayDragon · 04/01/2015 13:12

what about that jackamo website?

Original poster
couchparsnip · 04/01/2015 13:30

Sorry should have made clear that the weight issue is a worry, yes, but he has started swimming twice a week after work and has promised to cut out snacks so (hopefully) that is in hand.

OP posts:
simbacatlivesagain · 04/01/2015 13:36

Sorry should have made clear that the weight issue is a worry, yes, but he has started swimming twice a week after work and has promised to cut out snacks so (hopefully) that is in hand.

if it is really 50 inch waist then this wont even dent the surface. He needs to be on a medically supervised diet and exercise programme. Ask him to go to the GP for a full range of tests. 50 inches is drop down dead weight.

capsium · 04/01/2015 14:41

No need to be quite so pessimistic, simba. OP's DH obviously hasn't dropped down dead and is capable of some exercise, the swimming is a start. Coupled with a diet overhaul (check meal content too) it will make a difference. If he starts enjoying the swimming it could also boost confidence to try other active pursuits. The GP might be able to offer some help to lose weight though - some can prescribe gym membership etc and obviously they can check for any health conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure etc.

simbacatlivesagain · 04/01/2015 15:23

Doesn't say a diet overhaul- says cutting out snacks. With a 50 inch waist shouldn't start any exercise without seeing the GP.

simbacatlivesagain · 04/01/2015 15:23

PS - I may be a bit OTT but a colleague died due to being obese- early 30s and left a toddler.

26Point2Miles · 04/01/2015 15:28

Cutting out snacks?? We its a start if his snacks are a macdonalds or choc/crisps/coke combo, but he really does need to address the bigger picture

Take a pic of him?

Storytown · 04/01/2015 15:41

Blimey, I was going to say YANBU to think he should size up but really it's up to him. DH is still wearing 32 but really should have 36 and showing off the bulge like that isn't very pleasant.

A 50 in waist needs much more than new jeans.

Simba, I also know two very obese people, a man and a woman, who have died in their 30s leaving (different, i.e. they weren't a couple) young children. It's a much bigger issue than he looks bad in his jeans.

Fairenuff · 04/01/2015 15:46

He will only lose weight if he wants to so, whilst talking about how you can support him is great, it still might not be enough to make him really serious about it. It sounds like he is not ready to face this. He has his head in the sand if he is still trying to fit into clothes too small for him.

That said, I expect he has no interest in clothes, or how he looks as he probably hates his body anyway. I would order a pair of trousers the correct size online as he won't want to go shopping himself. Get a pair and just ask him to 'try them on for comfort' or something. If he thinks they are ok he can keep them and you could order in another couple of pairs?

Are jeans the best choice? If he looks better in a suit, would trousers or chinos be a better fit for him?

capsium · 04/01/2015 15:52

I just don't think shaming people into losing weight is the best way of going about this. It can make some totally lose their confidence and essentially give up. I would not be impressed if a GP were so brusque as to describe a patient's weight as 'drop down dead weight'.

Yes, some people who are obese have very serious health problems, some don't so much. Health checks by the GP are one thing, which the OP's DH should consider,(and probably has), however anyone can change to a more healthy diet.

SuperMumTum · 04/01/2015 15:57

I think that he should be encouraged to dress well whatever his size. The obesity is a separate issue to wearing clothes that fit. As a yo yo dieter I always find myself wearing badly fitting clothes and it doesn't help my self eesteem and body image issues.
Some good ideas about ways to approach it above.

FayKorgasm · 04/01/2015 16:02

Well done to your dh for starting some excercise, he will feel better for it. He is obviously not happy with his size so is doing something about it. No need to be body shaming him or anybody for that fact. Fat people know they are fat. I was a size 24 at one stage and funnily enough there was always some idiot who reminded me by shouting fatty.

Fabulous46 · 04/01/2015 16:12

Maybe he's embarrassed to admit he's a 50" waist? Some people prefer to stick their head in the sand. Can you order some online for him without mentioning his size to him? Good on him for upping his exercise and cutting out snacks but. I do think he also probably also needs to be following a healthy eating plan as well as the exercise and cutting out snacks.

Tobyjugg · 04/01/2015 16:48

Not quite 50" (yet) but this place does good men's jeans - www.bigandtallmenswear.co.uk/

Try telling him tight jeans = erectile disfucntion - that should make him move up a size.

Original poster
couchparsnip · 04/01/2015 19:03

I actually just went and measured him, telling him I want to buy new trousers from a website. 50 inches is what he told me his waist is but when I measured I found 50 is around his belly and his waist where his trousers should sit is roughly 46in. Not sure if I am measuring right! He is keen to get new trousers so thats hopeful anyway. Thanks for the advice. I do think we have both possibly ignored our weight issues ( I have gone up to a size 18 lately as well) but are trying to sort it out now.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 04/01/2015 20:21

Another great bonus to clothes that fit now is that, in just a few short weeks of careful dieting and a little more exercise, they will start to feel loose, which is a great motivator Smile

Witcheswerehorses · 04/01/2015 20:56

Order a range of clothes for him to try at home. Return anything that doesn't fit / he doesn't like. Be positive with him. If he feels bad about himself, the likelihood is that he will eat more. Try Slaters Menswear, Jacamo etc. How tall is he?

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