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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that my husband kissed another girl at midnight on NYE

129 replies

JanieLovesLuckySocks · 03/01/2015 21:31

We were at a friends for a dinner party on NYE, we had our baby with us who woke up at 11.30 so I was entertaining him on the sofa. At midnight, everyone gathered in the living room, dh was about a foot away from me and baby. I was counting down with our baby then at midnight turned round to hug and kiss dh and he was hugging and cheek kissing a mutual female friend. I was really taken aback.... Is this ok or am I right to be really upset that he wasn't with me and our son at the strike of midnight?

OP posts:

BOFster · 04/01/2015 00:08

Silver, I was going to say that you had certainly nailed your colours to the mast before I saw your correction .

momb · 04/01/2015 00:16

YABU. If he'd snogged her face off then it's reasonable to be upset, but in a group situation it's perfectly acceptable to greet (with a hug and a kiss on the cheek) whomever you are closest to at the stroke of midnight, in someone's living room.

Silverdaisy · 04/01/2015 01:03

BOFster - I know that looked awful.

kali110 · 04/01/2015 02:34

Think yabu, it was a peck on the cheek for new years. He hugged and kissed first person he got too.
If you had been with him it would have been you.
Does it make me a cool partner then as I'm secure enough for my partner to kiss other women on the cheek?

musicalendorphins2 · 04/01/2015 04:42

Yanbu.

JapaneseMargaret · 04/01/2015 07:10

I pretty much agreed with the whole 'cool girl' concept when I first came across it, found myself nodding along and thought there was a lot to be said for someone who didn't doormat themself in order to please a man...

But increasingly, it's almost turned into a parody, and it's so often levied at women who are genuinely fine with certain things. And the people calling 'cool girl' are the ones who look like the clingy, needy desperados, whilst the so-called 'cool girls' seem rational, calm, collected and sure of themselves and their place in the world.

It's a bit of a shame.

DropYourSword · 04/01/2015 07:16

I have no idea who I grabbed, hugged or pecked on the cheek first at midnight. I was too full of alcohol festive spirit! I would hate to think my DH could misinterpret that as anything other than loving my friends.

I thought you were going to say full on snog, which of course is unacceptable. But friendly kiss on the cheek is fine!

Mrsstarlord · 04/01/2015 07:27

Has the op been back? Plus one for YABU, and also 'cool girl'? Never heard of it but what an odd concept! That someone who is ok about something that someone else isn't could only be lying or doing it to compensate for low self esteem?
That's just completely untrue in so many ways it's mind blowing that it's even a thing. And for a woman to use it about another woman
How odd!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 04/01/2015 10:32

I'm sorry that you are upset about it. It wouldn't have bothered me to be honest. Now if you'd said you'd turned round to see him locked in an embraced with his tongue down her throat then yes you'd have been right to be really upset and ready to open a can of whoopass on him.

Have you mentioned it to him? Is there any underlying issues? It can't be nice that you're still dwelling on it a few days later. You might feel a whole lot better if you tell him how your feeling.

All I can say is don't read too much into it xx

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 04/01/2015 17:26

I think there must be other issues going on here.

Most NYE we are at a party or gathering of some sort, and everyone has hugged and kissed the person next to them and then made their way round the room.

I really can't imagine that someone who feels confident in their relationship would worry (or even notice) who their partner kisses first.

zippyandbungle · 04/01/2015 17:35

I honestly don't think I would have noticed, NYE is about friends and family, not romance.

dragdownthemoon · 04/01/2015 18:16

This wouldn't concern me in the least. But then I don't get NYE at all, don't really understand the significance of the hugs and kisses at midnight, and find the whole thing utterly depressing and I dislike "celebrating" New Year!

If everyone was hugging each other at midnight, this other person hugged your DH, because you were busy at that exact second, I really don't see the issues, sorry.

But why do people hug at midnight? Is it a superstition thing? Sorry if I am being dumb, I've not been out on NYE for many years x

everlong · 04/01/2015 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WoodliceCollection · 04/01/2015 19:04

Add me to the list thinking from header that there was at least tongue in gob action happening for you to be pissed off. Kiss on cheek frankly makes you sound bit pathetic, but if you have young baby it's probably hormoney stuff and he should maybe try to be sensitive to this.

owlborn · 04/01/2015 19:31

On one hand, YABU, but I think I'd be U in the exact same way. So, sympathy for you even if he didn't do anything wrong.

Bowlersarm · 04/01/2015 19:37

YABU, Dh wasn't the first person I kissed. Everyone just seems to grab the closest person as far as I'm aware.

Mammanat222 · 04/01/2015 19:44

Gosh isn't everyone on MN very secure and confident to see it as no big deal for their partners / hubbys to be kissing other people on NYE.

It's OK as it was only on the cheek though!!!

That isn't the point is it?

My OH knows how emotional NYE makes me and he knows how I feel about seeing the NY in with him by my side [I don't care where we are!] so if he were to do something like that it would be a massive upset to me. Despite the majority of people here saying it's no big deal, to me it would be

To me - my first kiss and hug and words of a NY are always reserved for my partner - It's something I feel quite strongly about.

That said we've been at parties together and after the initial kiss and hug we both go off and swap kisses and good wishes with everyone else. For me it's purely that first kiss. So I can understand where the OP is coming from. However I can see that unless it's something that has been an issue before / something explicitly mentioned then OP's hubby would have had no idea how upset she would be. Also baby hormones are nasty.

Has the OP been back to tell us what happened after? Did hubby come straight over?

Mammanat222 · 04/01/2015 19:46

Wow - my post makes me sound like a jealous, crazy loon!

I can assure you it's purely a NY thing.

Inkanta · 04/01/2015 19:48

I'd be bothered.

PhaedraIsMyName · 04/01/2015 19:54

Mammanat222 yes it does a bit.

Eustasiavye · 04/01/2015 20:50

No it wouldn't bother me. I also thought you meant full on snogging which is different matter.

FryOneFatManic · 04/01/2015 20:59

In our area, cheek kissing is normal for most people, and quite a few of the younger blokes kiss other blokes. Nothing in it apart from general greetings, goodbyes, etc.

It certainly wouldn't bother me if DP kissed someone else on the cheek. I just draw the line at snogging.

Norfolkandchance1234 · 04/01/2015 20:59

I would be pissed off but would realise that what with everyone being drunk you just grab the person nearest for a hug and peck on the cheek. Which is precisely what happened on NYE with me, I have no idea who I grabbed to kiss or who grabbed me and which order etc.

Patsyandeddie · 05/01/2015 22:11

Chill dear, why even go out on New Year's Eve if neither of you are not allowed to touch anyone else! Full tongue session I could understand but a 'happy new year' peck on the cheek - come on!

FightOrFlight · 05/01/2015 22:27

"I was counting down with our baby then at midnight turned round to hug and kiss dh"

So you were sat with your back to him and only turned round when the clock struck 12? He pecked someone he was probably talking to on the cheek, he wasn't snogging her.

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