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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my husband kissed another girl at midnight on NYE

129 replies

JanieLovesLuckySocks · 03/01/2015 21:31

We were at a friends for a dinner party on NYE, we had our baby with us who woke up at 11.30 so I was entertaining him on the sofa. At midnight, everyone gathered in the living room, dh was about a foot away from me and baby. I was counting down with our baby then at midnight turned round to hug and kiss dh and he was hugging and cheek kissing a mutual female friend. I was really taken aback.... Is this ok or am I right to be really upset that he wasn't with me and our son at the strike of midnight?

OP posts:
ScrambledEggAndToast · 03/01/2015 23:09

I would have been a bit miffed too. If she was the one to grab him then she shouldn't have had the chance because he should have been sat next to you puckered up Grin

Purplepoodle · 03/01/2015 23:11

Arnt we all a little insecure after having a baby?

In this situation it would have upset me. I would expect to be the focus of attention at midnight and have him holding our lovely baby. BUT if he's usually loving and attentive it was probably innocent andi wouldn't make a deal out of it (still be upset inside though)

Silverdaisy · 03/01/2015 23:16

I would think this is OP feeling under appreciated, the ideal would have him sitting on the sofa with you and baby. But he obviously didn't bother to do that.

If I have been near someone at the bells I would hug and kiss, but be on the look out for my dp. Then have a meaningful new year hug with him.

Bulbasaur · 03/01/2015 23:19

That is one of the rudest replies I've ever seen. Actually think someone would have to be terribly insecure to get as worked up about this as OP is.

You haven't been on MN long then.

There is nothing insecure about establishing boundaries and expecting those boundaries to be respected. My husband knows how I'd feel about him kissing another woman and therefore he wouldn't do it. If he did, I'd be rightfully upset.

Some people might be ok with their partners putting another woman first, I am not.

BOFster · 03/01/2015 23:19

I would want to be the first person my DP kissed, in a slightly superstitious way, but if the OP was "entertaining" (ie interacting in quite an intensive way with) their very young baby and "counting down with" them (was she holding him up in front of her, or similar?), I can see why somebody else swooped in on her husband if they didn't have their own partner to share a brief embrace with. He was only a foot away from the OP, so it's not like they weren't together and he was off working the room; it sounds to me like the OP only turned round at the last second, and it's a case of "you snooze, you lose".

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2015 23:28

There is nothing insecure about establishing boundaries and expecting those boundaries to be respected. My husband knows how I'd feel about him kissing another woman and therefore he wouldn't do it. If he did, I'd be rightfully upset.

No, that's a control freak.

It's all about you and how you cannot handle your husband simply giving some of his attention to another female.

Totally your problem. Other women who don't suffer the same problem as you are seen in your eyes as 'cool wives'.

Therefore you'd rather put other women down than face your own insecurities.

Lovesabadboy · 03/01/2015 23:34

My husband was kissed by another man first at our NYE party!!
I think I kissed my daughter's boyfriend before I kissed my husband!
It is just one mad, hilarious free-for-all amongst good friends and is not an issue at all.

We always host a NYE party and only one year (the turn of the Millenium) was I miffed when DH kissed another friend first. I was 3 months pregnant, the only sober person in the room and VERY hormonal!

PulpsNotFiction · 03/01/2015 23:42

If there were tongues involved YANBU Smile

Seriously though I can understand you feeling miffed but it's not a biggie.
WHere are you Op? Have you spoken to him about it?

morethanpotatoprints · 03/01/2015 23:43

It has nothing to do with insecurities.
I wouldn't have liked it either and have been with him 26 years.

I don't think the dh is bad though and would expect him to accept his dw wishes.
He obviously didn't realise and will make sure he is more sensitive to her feelings in future.

Bulbasaur · 03/01/2015 23:45

It's all about you and how you cannot handle your husband simply giving some of his attention to another female.

If you say so.

cigarsofthepharaoh · 03/01/2015 23:45

This is ridiculous. The OP is perfectly within her rights to be upset. Maybe you lot don't think any of the midnight kiss, and maybe the OP does and so is upset.

For what it's worth, I'd be upset and annoyed. DP and I love our midnight kiss together - this year she was working so we both avoided all other kisses until we could consummate the year. If she'd kissed anyone else, I'd have felt betrayed. That doesn't make me "uncool" or overemotional. It means that my relationship with DP has slightly different priorities with regards to this issue.

To some people NYE is a kissing free for all. For others it's a moment for a couple - and then a free for all among friends.

OP, YANBU to be upset

PhaedraIsMyName · 03/01/2015 23:45

Bulbasur Scottish New Years ("Hogmanay") are legendary. Should you ever be here on 31st December you're in for a shock.

One kisses and hugs the person standing closest to you at midnight regardless of their relationship to you and their gender or persuasion.

Bartlebee · 03/01/2015 23:49

Every year at the strike of 12 on NYE, there's a huge bun fight of hugging and kissing between all of our friends. Couples usually get to each other first, but a kiss on the cheek to the nearest person? I can totally see how that could happen in the melee.

senna123 · 03/01/2015 23:51

YANBU!! I would be so mad

VodkaJelly · 03/01/2015 23:53

I wouldnt be happy about it. I cant really explain why but I would be upset.

Salmotrutta · 03/01/2015 23:57

Don't understand the fuss - and I've survived several decades worth of Scottish Hogmanay parties.

You hug and kiss whoever is next to you - bonus if it's your partner but hardly a crime if it isn't.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 03/01/2015 23:57

Well, I kissed two other men and a women before I got to DH... We were sitting on different sofas at NYE party, I was working my way towards him. I then went on to kiss my friend and my DDs. All kisses on the cheek along with a hug. It is often the done thing.

Next year, make sure you are standing beside your DH for NY countdown, and you should get first kiss.

BOFster · 03/01/2015 23:57

Cigars, I do get where you're coming from, and I'm a bit like that myself (and so is DP). But if it's not something that is an explicit understanding between a couple, then it's easy to see how this happened, and I don't think it's really fair to hang the bloke out to dry for it if their friend swooped in.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2015 23:58

It's worth remembering that this guy didn't rush across the room and make a bee line for this woman.

The OP was occupied, counting down with the baby and it simply sounds as though this woman got there first.

Not ideal for the OP if she wanted to be the first, but I'm sure she'll learn from it and in future, will make sure they are sitting/standing together during the countdown.

AuditAngel · 03/01/2015 23:59

DH has to work on NYE, every year. I accept that this is a big night for his business. In the past we have always had a big family party. On one year we were not in the same business at midnight (2 businesses, family party in one, DH in the other)

I have never been the first person DH has kissed at midnight. It irritates me, but his customers pay our bills, so I swallow it.

Bananayellow · 04/01/2015 00:00

Tbh I'd make a conscious effort to kiss and hug friends and DH in any order. I'd hate my single friends to feel uncomfortable while all the partners had eyes for only each other. It's a free for all with anyone.

PhaedraIsMyName · 04/01/2015 00:02

Banana that's a very good point. It's a new year for everyone, not just those velcroed to their partners.

Silverdaisy · 04/01/2015 00:04

Bananyellow. I agree Hogmanay to me is including everyone. I prefer single friends are excluded. X

Silverdaisy · 04/01/2015 00:05

Oops. Included rather than excluded.

jackydanny · 04/01/2015 00:06

New year, new baby, I would want us to be first to be kissed!

Think it probably looks different to your DH, who was just doing the traditional thing.

Try not to take it personally.