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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that my husband kissed another girl at midnight on NYE

129 replies

JanieLovesLuckySocks · 03/01/2015 21:31

We were at a friends for a dinner party on NYE, we had our baby with us who woke up at 11.30 so I was entertaining him on the sofa. At midnight, everyone gathered in the living room, dh was about a foot away from me and baby. I was counting down with our baby then at midnight turned round to hug and kiss dh and he was hugging and cheek kissing a mutual female friend. I was really taken aback.... Is this ok or am I right to be really upset that he wasn't with me and our son at the strike of midnight?

OP posts:

MrsKoala · 03/01/2015 22:19

i've kissed total strangers on the lips before i have got to my partner on nye. Surely you just work your way round everyone!? i don't think my dh 'has a crushingly low sense of self esteem or self worth to pretend it was ok for my wife to walk all over me and disregard my feelings'. Perhaps he's been secretly crying in the bogs for the rest of the night. Somehow i doubt it.

WineWineWine · 03/01/2015 22:21

Massive over reaction!
It was a friendly peck on the cheek, not a full blown snog!!
I'm assuming he kissed you a few seconds later?
Why didn't you make sure you were at his side on the stroke of midnight?

AlwaysLurking38 · 03/01/2015 22:23

All OP has said is that she's really upset. How is that is "precious" or "over reacting" ??

AlwaysLurking38 · 03/01/2015 22:24

How is that*

PhaedraIsMyName · 03/01/2015 22:26

YABU. I can't remember which person I hugged and kissed first. It would have been one of the 2 people on either side of me so either a male friend of mine or the boyfriend of the brother of one of the hosts. Was several minutes in to the New Year before I got round to husband.

Bulbasaur · 03/01/2015 22:27

Koala
We just don't kiss on the cheeks over here unless it's family. Which is actually amusing to me considering it's a British stereotype to give a "firm handshake" in place of a hug.

I think if I ever went to the UK and had a group of friends randomly start kissing me on New Years, I'd be highly confused and have no clue how to react besides looking like a deer in the headlights.

bringbacksideburns · 03/01/2015 22:27

Blimey. So anyone not getting into a strop because of a peck on the cheek like you do, has low self esteem and lets their husband walk all over them? Or is trying to act cool Bulb ?Hmmm.

MrsKoala · 03/01/2015 22:29

Because Always imo being upset or even thinking anything of it is over reacting. Any reaction or feeling on the matter seems an over reaction to me.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 03/01/2015 22:30

I can certainly imagine a context where I would not be upset if he kissed someone else but in the context op has describe with her dh pretty much next to her, yes I would be very very upset....if i was next to dh and he kissed someone else I would be upset but he wouldnt have done it unless grabbed.

AlwaysLurking38 · 03/01/2015 22:33

Lol at someone's feelings being "over reacting" That's nice Koala

You can't help how you feel

PhaedraIsMyName · 03/01/2015 22:34

*Ah the old 'cool wife'

Sorry, what I meant to say was I didn't have a crushingly low sense of self esteem or self worth to pretend it was ok for my husband to walk all over me and disregard my feelings.

That work better for you cupcake?*

That is one of the rudest replies I've ever seen. Actually think someone would have to be terribly insecure to get as worked up about this as OP is.

MrsKoala · 03/01/2015 22:38

Bulb it's only a stereotype if the british are sober. You are forgetting by the time midnight chimes on nye most have had a few ribenas. All bets are off. The famous reserve is out the window and everyone gets a 'mel and griff' type slobery smackeroony regardless of gender.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2015 22:45

There is a massive area between 'cool wife' (an MN phrase normally used to put down confident women), and painfully insecure.

Yeah, I'm not the "cool wife" in this house hold. If DH kissed anyone other than me period (cheek or not), I'd be pissed off. It's not just a "friendly" thing, he wouldn't be kissing a man on the cheek would he?

That ^^ to me, reads as painfully insecure.

It's a kiss on the cheek ffs and yes, lots of men (particularly younger ones) kiss other men on the cheek.

MrsKoala · 03/01/2015 22:46

Aye? of course someones feelings can be an over reaction - whether you can help your feelings is irrelevant in my mind. I could say 'dh didn't buy me a diamond necklace for xmas. i am really upset and feel hurt' and it would be completely over reacting, but still my feelings. Personally, as i said, any thoughts on this would be an over reaction, as to me it wouldn't even register.

thegreylady · 03/01/2015 22:47

There were 5 of us and I don't know who kissed who first just that we all kissed each other in those few seconds. I love dh, he loves me and we love our friends. We cuddled up in bed together and it never occurred to me to be upset because I think he kissed df before me!

ilovesooty · 03/01/2015 22:49

Not only the cool wife put down (and I agree with Worra there) but addressing someone who disagrees with you as "cupcake"?

How bloody rude

maddy68 · 03/01/2015 22:52

My husband was probably the third person I hugged and kissed nye, we are all friends,
Really reading too much into this

Bananayellow · 03/01/2015 22:53

My marriage must be in trouble then, as I kissed many people before I got to DH. Whoever is standing next to you is grabbed then you work your way round the room.

A bit precious IMHO.

TobyLerone · 03/01/2015 22:55

Still waiting for my nye kiss from husband. Not malicious just not dawned on him. Yes I'm upset but it's not worth the brain space. Yes I have cried

What? You haven't kissed your husband in the last few days? And you've cried about not getting a special NYE kiss, which you are still 'waiting for'? I can't even... How could he manage to give you a NYE kiss now? Is he a time traveller? Does a NYE kiss differ from other kisses?

So many questions about this weirdness.

usefully · 03/01/2015 22:59

Oh wow, seems it's amazing the stuff you can worked up about if you really try hard...!

Massive overreaction from the op. Poor husband!

Was his face like this when you called him out on it ----> ?

BlueBrightBlue · 03/01/2015 23:00

YABVU.
I kiss all my male friends, including friends husbands. Doesn't mean I want to cop off with them.

morethanpotatoprints · 03/01/2015 23:03

I would be angry, not upset.
I wouldn't object if a mutual friend and he kissed me first, but its the thinking that would upset me.

What better way to start the New Year than kissing your oh and them kissing you and the baby.
A perfect moment.

Bananayellow · 03/01/2015 23:07

I think I can't be surprised anymore by how people think, and then I'm surprised all over again

Iggi999 · 03/01/2015 23:07

I don't remember how it is phrased, but there is a saying about what you're doing at the stroke of midnight being what you'll do for the rest of the year (or something like that!) so if that is your approach then you would indeed be pissed off!

morethanpotatoprints · 03/01/2015 23:08

meant to add, then go round the room kissing everybody else.

I can see why the OP is upset and maybe angry too.

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