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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have lost the rag with my dh? im sure i am but so fed up :(

115 replies

Pumpkaboo · 03/01/2015 19:27

Dh and I had tickets for a pantomime today, booked in November for our dc for Christmas. They were really looking forward to it, due to money and work hours we don't get to go out very often as a family. Dh insists he doesn't want to go and instead invites his 3 friends up to the cinema (they live 50 miles away in dh's home town) and for a piss up bite to eat Hmm i ask him wtf, the kids are really excited about going with both of us. Apparently he needs a break from "family life" to feel less "pressurised" Hmm fine, whatever. I'm not happy with this but we have to leave so I give his ticket to my mum instead, thankfully had no plans and could go at such short notice.

We go, the boys love it, though do wonder why daddy isn't there. I try to explain daddy is a bit busy and will try to come next time. I'm heading out with some friends tonight. (again, planned weeks ago, for a birthday) dh agreed to stay in with the kids but suddenly insists on a 'Lads night out' Hmm Angry rings me after the panto to tell me, won't budge on it as his friends travelled "all the way here", so our boys are having a sleepover at granny's tonight. Thankfully they have clothes and pjs there already and my mum doesn't mind having them.over, as doesn't want me to cancel a rare night out. I feel very guilty about this, he told them previously they could stay up late with him tonight, have some treats and watch Spiderman (they are obsessed). They were looking forward to a night in with their dad, dc1 even bought some hot chocolate with his Christmas money to share with his dad and brother :(

After the panto we have dinner at my mum's then I head home to get ready. Get home and dh and his friends are not in, but have left a fucking mess in the kitchen for me to tidy up. Take away containers splayed over the worktop, the sauce of whatever they have ordered dripped over the sides of the containers, wrappers not put in the bin, the fucking milk left out and in the living room there were empty beer bottles on the coffee table. My bathroom, which I scrubbed this morning, has shit round the toilet bowl and piss round the toilet seat. Fucking animals, even my dc don't leave it in this state.

This is so typical of that selfish prick, he does it all the time. With this, him cancelling on our dc and arranging a night out when he knew I was going out, I lost the fucking rag and sent him a text message telling him in sick of him cancelling on our dc when a more appealing offer comes along, he is a selfish shit and I am not his fucking skivvy :(

He replies with I'll deal with it when I come home. I tell him not to bother his arse. Fine, he replies.

I am so upset. Tbh its been like this for a while and the relationship is falling apart. I cant see us lasting much longer. He has never been violent or abusive, just got so lazy and selfish, expecting me to do everything and missing out on things with the kids.

I feel like just cancelling tonight and going bringing the hot chocolate to my mum's and drinking it with with my boys:( pathetic aren't I?

OP posts:
afreshstartplease · 03/01/2015 21:27

Bless you op

chasingtail · 03/01/2015 21:28

Just read this thread and want to give you a huge hug. Be kind to yourself.

minibmw2010 · 03/01/2015 21:34

Stay with your Mum and your boys. Your friend will survive just fine.

woowoo22 · 03/01/2015 21:34

OP your wee boy sounds a darling with the hot choc, v kind, what a credit to you.

What did your mum say?

You are 25. Enjoy your kiddos and tell H to f off.

TheQuibbler · 03/01/2015 21:34

God, that's awful - I'm really sorry you have had to put up with that. I hope your mum can give you some well deserved comfort.

The hot chocolate thing is heartbreaking. Really - what a wanker to do that to his boy.

Wishing you peace and quiet and the space to work out what you want.

40somethingwonderful · 03/01/2015 21:36

Almost 15 years on here and I have never said LTB before but he is being selfish and you deserve better.

Hug your mum an your boys.

pillowaddict · 03/01/2015 21:41

I think you need to remind your friend that it may be her birthday, but this is your marriage! Stay with your mum and enjoy hugs with your DC tonight and tomorrow tell DH plainly that things need to change/you need to work out your separation plans. Don't put up with being treated like that, for your sake or that of your DC.

newyearsresolutionsnotforme · 03/01/2015 22:19

OP turn your phone off, open some wine or more hot chocolate and cuddle up with your mum. Tomorrow, start thinking in stages about what to do regarding him but for tonight just focus on you and what you need.

Ohfourfoxache · 03/01/2015 22:39

Fucking hell Sad

You could be so much happier than you are now. But then you know that.

Please don't put up with any more of this. Not only for your sake but for your dc's sake as well. You all deserve better Thanks

chasingtail · 04/01/2015 11:56

How are things today OP?

LadyLuck10 · 04/01/2015 12:02

Yanbu op how did it go last night. He's a selfish idiot. Does he add any value to you and the dc?

JustJanice · 04/01/2015 12:12

If my husband disappointed my kids like yours has, I would go absolutely fucking NUCLEAR.

Just reading your OP made me angry. I really HATE people who disappoint their kids. Divorce him. He's not a good person. Your kids deserve better.

pregnantpause · 04/01/2015 12:23

What a prick. Hope Alls well today for you and your boys

holeinmyheart · 04/01/2015 12:40

You need to start planning pump
If you think your marriage is dead in the water and can't be rescued by going to counselling/ relate then you need to find out your rights by going to the CAB/ solicitor and make plans to leave.
Also you need to protect your children, as divorce does not hurt children but the way it is done, does. Always try and keep in mind that it is in their best interests for you not to be seen to criticise and vilify their Dad. It puts them in a position where they feel they have to choose. Whatever you think of him they may well love him.
The more adult your behaviour is now, the more they will repay you in shed loads in the future.
He is a irresponsible jerk. Your DCs will soon be old enough to make their own judgement about him.
So be clever and keep one step ahead of him because it is unlikely he is going to play by the rules.
Best of luck and hugs.

Original poster
Pumpkaboo · 04/01/2015 14:28

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for all your concern.

I stayed at my mums last night, I have no idea where dh stayed. Littlest pumpkaboo was up during the night being sick :( he has a slight temp today too. I text dh this morning to tell him his youngest son is sick, incase he might give a rats ass. He text back that I'm lying im just saying it to get him to come back home. I told him I wasn't even at home and I certainly don't want him.back anyway. He replied ok then. Nothing about ds2 Angry fucking prick.

I have no idea where he is or who he's with. I logged onto Facebook last night to see that birthday girl has written several statuses slagging off people who change their minds about coming out for birthdays mustn't be real friends blah fucking blah. One of my closest friends who knows about my situation in great detail liked it Hmm

Seems the only person I can trust is my mum. Oh my fucking head is all over the place I don't know what to do or where to start :(

OP posts:
esiotrot2015 · 04/01/2015 14:38

So sorry to hear this
It does sound like the marriage is over Hmm
Your friends are selfish ??

AnyFucker · 04/01/2015 14:40

start divorce proceedings on Monday

you don't need a prick like that in your life

and get some new friends

abuhamzamouse · 04/01/2015 14:49

Both your friend and your dh sound about 12. Get rid of both. Sorry you are going through this.

Gruntfuttock · 04/01/2015 14:59

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, OP and as for your so-called "friends", talk about kicking someone when they're down! For the one who knows what's going on in your life to have 'liked' that comment is outrageous. You need a brand new start all round. Get to a solicitor tomorrow and get the ball rolling. Thank goodness you have your mum to support you.

makeyourown · 04/01/2015 15:00

I feel so bad for you. You seem to be surrounded by some horrible people. Life does not have to be that way. My dh would never act that way and I cannot think of one friend who would be so nasty if I dropped out of a night out - for any reason, let alone one like this.
I think if I was you I'd be looking at making lots of changes. Surround yourself only with good people. That's what you deserve.

YellowTulips · 04/01/2015 15:00

Start by going online and looking for a solicitor. Most do 30 mins free consultation.

He's a waste of space - implying that you would lie about a child being ill to make him come home? FFS he's a total wanker.

You will be upset now, but the first thing that will improve your mental wellbeing will be to get rid of this emotional vampire.

Gruntfuttock · 04/01/2015 15:05

Yes, think of this time as the start of a better life. Onwards and upwards. It might not be easy, but it will be worth it and you and your boys deserve it too.

woowoo22 · 04/01/2015 16:30

They are not true friends. They are selfish idiots. Stay with your mum for a few days to get some TLC.

In a year's time you having a wonderfully free life will be rhe best revenge possible.

PointlessResolutions · 04/01/2015 16:46

You need new friends - the ones you have aren't worthy of the name. And you need to get rid of your H too - he's made his feelings quite clear. Your lovely children would be better off without this selfish tosser in their lives.

GatoradeMeBitch · 04/01/2015 17:26

Don't have 'that' talk until you are ready. Get legal advice, and maybe consider squirreling out precious things that he won't notice, like your jewelry, documents, etc. Would your Mum keep things for you? You may find that things seem more bearable at home just knowing that there's an end in sight! And don't worry about your dc's, their 'd'f is already messing them about as part of the family unit, it can't really get much worse!