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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have lost the rag with my dh? im sure i am but so fed up :(

115 replies

Pumpkaboo · 03/01/2015 19:27

Dh and I had tickets for a pantomime today, booked in November for our dc for Christmas. They were really looking forward to it, due to money and work hours we don't get to go out very often as a family. Dh insists he doesn't want to go and instead invites his 3 friends up to the cinema (they live 50 miles away in dh's home town) and for a piss up bite to eat Hmm i ask him wtf, the kids are really excited about going with both of us. Apparently he needs a break from "family life" to feel less "pressurised" Hmm fine, whatever. I'm not happy with this but we have to leave so I give his ticket to my mum instead, thankfully had no plans and could go at such short notice.

We go, the boys love it, though do wonder why daddy isn't there. I try to explain daddy is a bit busy and will try to come next time. I'm heading out with some friends tonight. (again, planned weeks ago, for a birthday) dh agreed to stay in with the kids but suddenly insists on a 'Lads night out' Hmm Angry rings me after the panto to tell me, won't budge on it as his friends travelled "all the way here", so our boys are having a sleepover at granny's tonight. Thankfully they have clothes and pjs there already and my mum doesn't mind having them.over, as doesn't want me to cancel a rare night out. I feel very guilty about this, he told them previously they could stay up late with him tonight, have some treats and watch Spiderman (they are obsessed). They were looking forward to a night in with their dad, dc1 even bought some hot chocolate with his Christmas money to share with his dad and brother :(

After the panto we have dinner at my mum's then I head home to get ready. Get home and dh and his friends are not in, but have left a fucking mess in the kitchen for me to tidy up. Take away containers splayed over the worktop, the sauce of whatever they have ordered dripped over the sides of the containers, wrappers not put in the bin, the fucking milk left out and in the living room there were empty beer bottles on the coffee table. My bathroom, which I scrubbed this morning, has shit round the toilet bowl and piss round the toilet seat. Fucking animals, even my dc don't leave it in this state.

This is so typical of that selfish prick, he does it all the time. With this, him cancelling on our dc and arranging a night out when he knew I was going out, I lost the fucking rag and sent him a text message telling him in sick of him cancelling on our dc when a more appealing offer comes along, he is a selfish shit and I am not his fucking skivvy :(

He replies with I'll deal with it when I come home. I tell him not to bother his arse. Fine, he replies.

I am so upset. Tbh its been like this for a while and the relationship is falling apart. I cant see us lasting much longer. He has never been violent or abusive, just got so lazy and selfish, expecting me to do everything and missing out on things with the kids.

I feel like just cancelling tonight and going bringing the hot chocolate to my mum's and drinking it with with my boys:( pathetic aren't I?

OP posts:
Bakeoffcakes · 03/01/2015 20:02

Yes do whatever you want to do and whatever makes you feel good. It's not twattish at all.

And remember you haven't let your dc down, it's his fault, don't feel guilty. You sound a fabulous mum.

inneedofsomeclarity · 03/01/2015 20:12

You poor love, it's an awful feeling when you get to the stage that you don't feel it will last much longer but you don't deserve to be treated like this and neither do your dc. It doesn't get better and, for me, the thought that I could get to 80 and look back and wish I had done something about my situation helped me to make a decision and, although awful to begin with, 5 months down the line, my overwhelming feeling is relief. Good luck op

Original poster
Pumpkaboo · 03/01/2015 20:16

Thanks all :) think I'm going to spend some time with my dc, then I'll see about going out. Will just text birthday girl now and explain.

OP posts:
43percentburnt · 03/01/2015 20:17

Life's too short to live with a loser. When you seperate he may find what with cleaning and entertaining his children his 'downtime' decreases!

Gruntfuttock · 03/01/2015 20:20

"When you seperate he may find what with cleaning and entertaining his children his 'downtime' decreases!"

You think he will do either? I don't.

Original poster
Pumpkaboo · 03/01/2015 20:22

Oh great, now the birthday girl is having a fucking strop with me. "but it's my birthday!!!"

OP posts:
woowoo22 · 03/01/2015 20:23

She's being selfish. Did you explain your marraige is potentially over?

Original poster
Pumpkaboo · 03/01/2015 20:24

grunt it would surprise me very much if he lifted a fucking finger, other than to drink a beer or wipe his arse!

OP posts:
woowoo22 · 03/01/2015 20:26

I'd send a pointed message to "birthday girl" (who gives a crap) and say thanks for the support Hmm

gamerchick · 03/01/2015 20:26

Tell her that you're going to put yourself in a good mood before coming out because it's her birthday. Then go and make sure you're kids are settled. Let her strop.

Original poster
Pumpkaboo · 03/01/2015 20:28

woo I told her things are a bit rocky at the min and at the very least will have to delay my arrival. Tbf most of my friends are young, I am 25 myself. Most of them don't have kids and I'm the only one married, so she probably wouldn't understand. But still, yes she is being selfish.

OP posts:
MinceSpy · 03/01/2015 20:33

Go out with your mates or go to your mum's, which ever suits YOU. Then tomorrow kick him out. You know it's over, he knows it's over, you and the children deserve better.

Bearbehind · 03/01/2015 20:34

Are you in the UK OP?

It's just at 8.30pm is it really an option to go and watch a film with your children now?

Totally agree you need to put you and your children first though.

LindyHemming · 03/01/2015 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KnackeredMerrily · 03/01/2015 20:49

Go cuddle your boys

CrispyFern · 03/01/2015 20:52

Your DH sounds absolutely horrible. Your poor boys, how could he abandon them and let them down like that when they were looking forward to special day with him? :(

Wormatthebottomofthegarden · 03/01/2015 20:54

Do not clean up after him!

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 03/01/2015 20:56

Do not clean up. Explain to birthday girl afterwards if she continues to tantrum. Hot choc broke my heart.

ChillySundays · 03/01/2015 20:58

I would go out and stay the night at a mate's house. Then tomorrow get your mum to call home and say 'I was wondering what time Pumpkaboo was coming to pick the boys up'. He will be presuming that if you are not at home you must be at mum's

Petty I know but he thinks he is the only one who can go out and have fun

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2015 21:06

To those saying she shouldn't clean up the mess, and that she should leave her 'D'H to have the children tomorrow - what would be the point?

He won't clear up and he won't look after his children.

The best she can hope for is that he will be in a fit state to listen to the fact that his marriage is over.

areyoubeingserviced · 03/01/2015 21:09

This man is an ass. Don't waste one more minute with this man.

scarletforya · 03/01/2015 21:17

It sounds to me like he's goading you into breaking up with him. He's literally shitted all over your family life. The nasty prick.

newyearsresolutionsnotforme · 03/01/2015 21:19

He's a nasty bastard. Purposefully fucked things up during the day and wants to fuck up your night. Do whatever you want tonight, don't clean up and don't guilted by the birthday girl- fucking twattish behaviour there too, if my friend told me her relationship was on the rocks I wouldn't be whining like a little rat.

Let him clean the shit up int he morning. Just where are his now drunk mates staying? I hope not invited to crash at yours?

Jodie1982 · 03/01/2015 21:23

Sounds like he's doing all he can to piss you off enough that u chuck him out, do it! Pack his shit up, he probably wouldn't b at all bothered by sounds of it. Why put up with him for any longer, you deserve better. He'll realise what he's lost once he's on his own. Good luck in whatever u choose to do, but don't be a Mug.

Original poster
Pumpkaboo · 03/01/2015 21:26

Not going out- have just bawled my eyes out in my mum's arms :(

OP posts: