To wonder whether many parents encourage their child to marry a wealthy person?

[eeeeker]

An acquaintance of mine, whom I've known for years, has a daughter who is in her early twenties.

Since her DD was very little, the mum has been absolutely adamant that the DD would marry someone wealthy and in a way brainwashed her child into thinking this herself.

Her DD is now married to a man in his early forties and they have a baby together. The husband owns a business and has a huge barn converstion and seems fairly well off.

The mum goes on all the time on Facebook and in person about how well her daughter has done for herself and seems to live through her DD; she posts photos of her DD's house, furniture, clothes, Louis Vuitton bags etc, and when her DD and her husband go on holiday the mum does statuses about it every day, posting links on FB to the plush resorts that they have gone to.

I guess I just think it's a bit odd the way this mum has essentially groomed her DD to "marry well". I don't know the DD very well but I'm not sure that she is necessarily that happy being married to a much older man whilst her friends are out having fun.

AIBU to wonder whether it's quite common for people to encourage their child to marry someone wealthy? Is it something that anyone on here does?

we count our blessings round here if the dp has a job,any job

Same here, I really need to get my DDs out of this place.....

I've told my DD (18) that she needs to make sure that any DH needs to be able to pay his half of the childcare when she goes back to work after having DC

Having been told by DM at an early (impressionable) age that I wasn't clever enough to get a good job or pretty enough to marry a doctor I realised that I was fucked either way.

"Cuntlodger" aka someone much more talented and attractive than me who was able to find a very solvent partner, something I am not a sufficiently exciting woman to ever dream of.

I think you hit the nail on the head, Bonsoir! All these cocklodgers out there must just be younger/hotter/more charming than their dowdy, wage-earning wives. Hence the trade-off; sex for money. After all, that's how it works, isn't it?

I agree about the equality aspect being increasingly important - I'd home my DSs wouldn't necessarily need to be main breadwinner but that other aspects/qualities would balance out the relationship.

FWIW when I took time out for my sick/disabled child, DH and I discussed first which of us would do it, plus agreed that at some point he should have the option of taking that over and me take over the bread winning. We didn't assume that just because I'm the wife it should/would be me.

I'd hope, not I'd home - why does autocorrect change perfectly valid words?!

I was always brought up to be independent and it never occurred to me that I needed a man to look after me, so I have always been fairly driven. As it happens, I consider myself incredibly lucky to have found someone I wanted to marry and who also wanted to marry me. Yes, he earns less than I do; that is not important. His attitude to money is more important - if he earned twice as much but spent it all down the bookies, that would be a problem, but manage what we have together and I wouldn't swap him for a billionaire.

The mum sounds a little tacky in her values....

After all Money talks....wealth whispers

I know a family member who married hoping to get his hands on her family money. His wife has never worked a day in her life as she thought daddy would always provide, the family money went tits up and family member never saw a penny. So he is poorer than if he had chosen an ordinary mortal who would at least contribute. Best laid plans and all that.

My DM advised me to choose a partner with good eyesight. It worked! My kids don't need glasses. (I am very short sighted.)

I've definitely encountered this, but only with American mothers, and only with daughters who are over 20 now.

It seems mysterious to me. Surely if you want your daughter to be wealthy you should bring her up with the tools she needs to make vast wealth for herself? Practical skills in tech or finance, an entrepreneurial spirit, or a degree track that leads to a high earning job?

I would rather aspire for my daughters to be financial successes in their own rights than to attract a wealthy man instead (they are quite free to do both, of course!).

That having been said, I would not want them to marry a man who would be a financial drain.