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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to buy this car because the dealer was an arse?

118 replies

crumblebumblebee · 02/01/2015 18:25

I am looking to buy a new car. I went with my partner because he has an interest in car mechanics and I know very little about that side of things. I did most of the talking and made it clear that it was my car.

One particularly dealership had an attractive looking deal - although not the best one - but the manager was such an arse that I am tempted to look elsewhere. My partner thinks I'm cutting my nose off to spite my face.

The dealer basically ignored me and talked to my partner the whole time, looking at him while asking him the questions and I answered. He suggested I look at the interior while he and DP had "manly talks about engines". He smirked while suggesting I would like the pink car. I would prefer black or silver actually. He just gave off a very superior vibe and it pissed me off.

I was certainly tired and grouchy after a long day of looking at cars but AIBU and petty?

OP posts:

fuckmeblindiknowthatcat · 02/01/2015 19:09

YANBU.

Years ago I was on the lookout for a new car, I was a cash buyer with a car to part-ex and my chequebook ready in my bag. Went into my local VW dealership with my mum - the young cocky salesman dripping in gold couldn't have been any less interested so I drove 20 miles to the next town and bought a brand new Golf from the lovely salesman there who deserved every penny of his commission.

I like your style NeedsAsockamnesty, I so should have done that

ApocalypseThen · 02/01/2015 19:10

I had a similar experience when I bought my first car. I went alone to several dealerships and couldn't attract the attention of a salesman at all so I got my dad to come with me another day.

The salesman in the first shop asked my dad what I wanted. He told him that I was buying the car myself so I was the person to ask. I just said I wanted to leave at that point. No way was I giving a sale to him.

If there was a place with women sales staff I'd gladly go there.

Fluffycloudland77 · 02/01/2015 19:18

Go to another dealership at the end of the month and ask them to better the deal.

needasock good for you, the motor trade is very sexist.

I had the same buying a telly. Salesman spoke to dh even though I was the one handing over £1200. Despite dh saying "it's my wife's tv, not mine".

weeblueberry · 02/01/2015 19:21

When we last bought a car the salesmen were generally good, especially from the Skoda garage we ultimately bought from.

Interestingly our salesman said female salespeople do really really well at car sales because they come across as more trustworthy and less smarmy as the men. Almost tempted to go into car sales at the thought of the commission

Cabrinha · 02/01/2015 23:23

Slightly off topic, but this made me think of how many times I've handed my card over to pay for a meal (from my hand, with "Miss" on it) to have the payment machine handed to my male companion. Even by young waiting stuff. It's never happened the other way.

Dawndonnaagain · 02/01/2015 23:26

I too have walked away for very similar reasons.

Quitethewoodsman · 02/01/2015 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GatoradeMeBitch · 03/01/2015 01:17

It's absolutely not cutting your nose off to spite your face. There's no way you should spend a large amount of money with a seller who does not want to communicate with you! What if you have problems with the car? You think the guy would take you seriously? If I were you I would make a complaint to the dealership - 'I wanted to spend x amount on a car at your dealership, but the salesman would not speak to me, he would only speak to my husband, who was not there to buy a car...'

Scrumbled · 03/01/2015 02:40

YanBu if its the only dealership in the area,that do the car and deal you want,go back and get a different sales person.

I was scouting for a car for my husband a few months ago and spoke to one sales person who wasn't helpful and looked down their nose.. Then someone else came up later who was great, helpful but not pushy. Next time I took my husband, he was ready to buy cash, and the not helpful person pounced. I said oh no I want to speak to xxx. That was the person who got us the final test drive and the commision and they deserved it.

When I got my car the year before it was the same guy who showed me around all the cars and was helpful. He happened to be the same person who was there when my husband and kids turned up and we did a test drive. Again he deserved any commison, professional, understated, answered questions.

6 months before Id been looking at different dealerships and turned up after work in a suit and couldnt fight them off. My husband went to the same place at a weekend after decorating and they wouldn't even open aa boot for him. He earnt more then me. We won't buy from them ever.

Scrumbled · 03/01/2015 02:45

But yes do complain to the dealership chain and the car manufacturer. I went to buy a car with, surprise surprise , my money and they wouldn't speak to me.

KiwiJude · 03/01/2015 02:47

NYANBU. Just for fun I'd go back and let him play his silly game, get him all wound up and excited thinking he's about to get the deal then say yeah nah I don't think so and waltz on out of there.

VinoTime · 03/01/2015 02:54

YANBU. At all.

I went with my parents when my mum needed a new car a few months back and the sales floor was swarming with chauvinists She walked away from a deal because the salesman treated her much the same way as you have described, OP. He spoke to my dad the entire time instead of her, despite it being my mum who was shopping around and paying for the damn car.

I nearly broke a door clean off a new car that was on display when some prick came up behind me and started telling me how said car was the, "perfect woman's car, if you ask me - very feminine. I wouldn't have it myself, but for a lady like you..."

I told him the testosterone levels in the shop were enough to choke a person and slammed the car door closed

OneInAMillionYou · 03/01/2015 04:20

YANBU
Just bought a brand new Qashqai. After my test drive I rang back the dealership to check delivery times and muddled up the letters in the specific model, you know, Acenta DG instead of TG or something like that and the young man on the phone laughed at me and did a theatrical sigh when he put me right. I gave him some feedback about his customer service and he very aggressively told me I was over reacting.
I had no hesitation in telling him I would take my business elsewhere, and did just that.
My phone rang off the hook for the rest of the afternoon. I wonder how it went down when he told the original salesman that he had lost £20k worth of business?
When will they learn? The motor vehicle business is like the final bastion of overt sexism.

FishWithABicycle · 03/01/2015 05:06

YANBU at all, and this is far too common every day sexism. It won't change without these sexist salesmen losing money when they do it, so walk away and let them know why.

littlepeas · 03/01/2015 06:20

Dh and I were completely ignored in Land Rover a few years ago - I am guessing it was because they thought we were too young (and scruffy ) to take seriously - we just went to a different dealership and bought a car that day.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/01/2015 08:13

YANBU. You've reminded me I need to complain about the arsehole in VW.

CaptainJamesTKirk · 03/01/2015 08:24

We had this when we were buying a new car. Even when we informed the salesman that DH can't drive they continued to address him. Didn't MN do a campaign about this once?

londonrach · 03/01/2015 08:30

I bought my skoda 10 years ago new. (Still going, never had major problems and been the best car ive ever bought and my only new car ever, cost 6k). The dealers knew i was the one buying and although db now dh was with me they talking to both of us depending on how asked the questions. I test drove the car. The dealer spoke to both of us with no special treatment to either of us. Maybe i was lucky or maybe its because skoda.

TheFowlAndThePussycat · 03/01/2015 08:35

YANBU, I have had this experience too. Drove 40 miles to another dealership just to avoid giving commission to the twerp who couldn't (or wouldn't) tell me anything about the car except its colour and how to operate the stereo.

What shocks me though is how many people have had this experience. They really don't get it do they?

ageingdisgracefully · 03/01/2015 08:40

Tried to test drive a Mazda RX7 (back in the day) and was told "no, a woman can't drive a car like that..

eurochick · 03/01/2015 08:52

I've had it too. In my 20s I got a well paying job, saved up and decided to buy a new car. I took my dad with me on one car shopping session, because he loves poking around car showrooms. One salesman did what so many posters here have described - ignored me and addressed my dad, even when he said it was me buying so they should speak to me.

I ended up buying the same car from another garage. After picking it up, I drove past the original garage in my new car with the roof down feeling great, with the Pretty Woman "big mistake, huge" scene running through my head.

It is not exactly unusual for women to own cars and be quite into them, so it is puzzling why these attitudes persist.

chutneypig · 03/01/2015 08:54

YANBU, although if you like the deal I'd do as others said and go to another salesman at that dealership.

I had a good experience on this front buying my car last year. I never felt sidelined and they never tried cutting me out to talk to DH. We dealt with a number of people at the dealership.

I have had a similar experience at work. A few years ago I bought a piece of equipment, cost as much as a small car, and it didn't work when it arrived. I'd identified which part was faulty but the engineer kept trying to talk to the nearest man. Said nearest man kept saying - it's hers but it didn't sink in.

FunkyBoldRibena · 03/01/2015 08:57

I went to buy a van last sept and at every dealership the blokes started talking to my OH - until I said 'The van is for me, not him'. If any had said the things you mentioned, ever - I'd have taken his name and reported to head office and made them clear that not only was that sale gone, I would be telling all my friends to avoid their place due to extreme sexism. Which would no doubt get me a better deal but I would not be swayed.

R4roger · 03/01/2015 08:59

i expect they fancy themselves as Jeremy Clarkson.

Original poster

crumblebumblebee · 03/01/2015 09:07

Thanks for the input. It really did rankle because I did my research and knew what I wanted. DP just came along to give advice on the mechanics and to keep me company.

As it happens, the car I like is from a dealership where they were very kind and addressed me by name to me. Even if I don't get the car from them, I'm going to pop back there and compliment them on their customer service.

I will complain about bloody Nissan.

OP posts:

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