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Original poster

DS dressing up as Elsa

113 replies

MyIronLung · 01/01/2015 23:17

Today DS (3) got an Elsa (from Frozen) dress. He loves it! He was walking around saying that he was so pretty and singing (trying to) Let it go Grin
Before this hes never shown any interest in any kind of dressing up but recently, while watching Frozen, hes been commenting on how pretty and sparkly Elsas dress is and that he would like one.
I think he looks so lovely in it. He has no concept of 'boys and girls toys' so to him it's just dressing up. (He also has typically 'girly' toys such as a kitchen, necklace threading beads ect).
He's a 'typical' boy. Boisterous, loves lego, cars, trains, monsters and now Elsa.
My step dad on the other hand is not impressed. He would deny it but he's very homophobic, to him I think he sees it as a gateway dress!

I just wanted To ask, aibu to let DS have and enjoy this dress < disclaimer...I don't think I am Grin>

OP posts:
Taffeta · 02/01/2015 09:00

My DS, aged 6-8, would often borrow some of DD's (2 years younger) larger friends dresses when we had parties. (. Her friends were dressed up from the dressing up box.)

He loved it, and he loved the reaction he got. He'd prance about in front of all the adults, with loads of confidence and swagger.

He's now 11 and wouldn't dream of doing it in front of his friends. He's become so very aware of what others think and how he is viewed.

So in our case, it was about enjoying it whilst he could.

haphazardbystarlight · 02/01/2015 09:03

I will say again that a boy wearing a dress has nothing to do with a boy who is gay.

To me, that's like saying 'you don't let your boy wear a dress so you would struggle to accept him as a scientist.' Just a complete Confused

Of course I'd accept him as gay (I'm afraid I'm not from the school of thought that sexuality is set in stone from a young age - think it is more transient than that.) All the same, whether we wears a dress or not has nothing to do with that.

It's like saying that because my mum wouldn't let me wear my brothers pants she'd have struggled to accept me as gay. There isn't a link!

haphazardbystarlight · 02/01/2015 09:06

Whether he wears a dress or not! that should read :)

CassieBearRawr · 02/01/2015 09:07

@Quin I haven't gone back to see what's been deleted but I assume it was the ones where I said Hazard had a bigoted attitude and was judgemental to anyone outside the binary 'norms'.

I haven't made it a homophobic/transphobic issue, it already IS that issue.

Dawndonnaagain · 02/01/2015 09:07

"Knowing the rules before breaking the rules"?

really Haphazard, that's nonsense, there are no rules.

As an aside I saw a little boy wearing an Elsa dress when out the other day, he looked really cute.

haphazardbystarlight · 02/01/2015 09:13

Dawn I'd have to disagree there - I think there are. There are certainly societal norms, certainly, and while I adhere to most, I do ignore some.

For the same reason I have never permitted either of my children to run around without clothing on in public (well dd can't walk yet! - But you know what I mean!) and I know also the generally accepted view on here is that it should be encouraged yet again, it does make me feel uncomfortable when I see children do it.

I acknowledge, as I do with the dresses, that's my issue, but just the same I don't think either child will be scarred for life because they can't paint their nails, dress up as elsa or be naked on a beach.

haphazardbystarlight · 02/01/2015 09:14

I don't think you have been deleted Cassie; I can see all your posts :)

NotAnotherNewNappy · 02/01/2015 09:21

My nephew (also 3) loves coming over to dress up in my DDs Elsa and other princess dresses. Sometimes my sister looks a bit worried, but nephew and I just tell her to let it go....

Sorry, couldn't resist Wink All normal and v cute OP.

duplodon · 02/01/2015 09:23

Except Bulbasaur, you are the one being disingenuous as that's not at all what was said. What was said was that a boy was a 'typical boy' because he like Lego, cars, trucks, monsters. Kitchens as 'girly' (no mention of pink). There was no mention of marketing.

Toys are not for boys or for girls unless you use them with your genitals. You did not play with boy's toys growing up, nor did your brother play with girl's toys, no matter who they were advertised for, marketed towards, bought for. You just played with toys, just as I did when I played with Star Wars and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and as my male cousins did when they played with My Little Pony. The gender of toys is a 'thing' for adults, not for kids, regardless of how many rows of pink tat there may be in ELC nowadays. Pinkfication exists to make parents uneasy about children playing with toys that are deemed 'girly' or 'boyish' not because kids need different toys based on their gender, it exists to drive parent's choices as consumers. Yellow diggers are for boys? This is total nonsense, honestly. Yellow diggers are yellow because that's what the real life machinery looks like. A pink kitchen is 'for' girls because there's a vested interest in making this play 'for' girls, but to be honest, there are a wide variety of kitchens on sale, from white to silver to blue, so even toy manufacturers are conceding this battle.

CalleighDoodle · 02/01/2015 09:33

My very boisterous stereotypical 2 year old boy loves dressing up. Sometimes its in his spiderman, fireman, pirate, skyline gang costumes, sometimes it is in his sisters rapunzle dress (she wont let hom near her Elsa or Ana dresses!). They are just dressing up.

dinosaurdancer (or similar!) Elsa dresses are £12.50 at supermarkets.

Echocave · 02/01/2015 09:34

I think panicking about a 3 year old being laughed at for wearing a dress is a real overreaction. Although any age shouldn't be an issue I can see why people might worry about their child being laughed at if they were 13 (although be really honest with yourself here and admit it to yourself if it's actually about more than that).
But at 3 FFS, only a really sad git would laugh at a 3 year old dressing up. And frankly your only concern should be how to explain to your DS that there are some idiots in the World. Let him be a child!!

CalleighDoodle · 02/01/2015 09:35

haphazard sexuality is transient?!

haphazardbystarlight · 02/01/2015 09:37

I'm not panicking about it :) it's just I wouldn't allow it, in accordance with my personal tastes and beliefs.

If DS at 13 wanted to wear an elsa dress I would agree it would be "more than that" and I would let him. Why? Because at 13 he would know he was breaking the norms so to speak and would know the likelihood of others' reactions. Although not to school. Too much rustling Wink

ithoughtofitfirst · 02/01/2015 09:39

I know I'm a hypocrite when it comes to this. I wanted ds to have a shopping basket or trolley but could only find pink ones. Which is fine but I thought he would later reject for being pink and think shopping was a girl thing. So I think I probably just gave up and bought him a car or something.

haphazardbystarlight · 02/01/2015 09:40

Yes Calleigh I am sure it is.

I fancied boys growing up, I married a man. 3 years ago I fell in love with a woman.

So in my case it certainly was - why you're so shocked about this I don't know.

I know in some cases people 'know' they are gay from an early age and don't deviate from that, just as some people 'know' they are heterosexual from an early age and don't deviate.

Others like me and others discover a side of their sexuality they weren't aware of until later life. Sometimes it's just finding the right person.

Why you 'repeated' that statement back with a sharp intake of breath I don't know - presumably you think there is something terrible about what I've written but I don't know what. If I misread the tone I apologise.

80schild · 02/01/2015 09:42

Coming into this thread a bit late but at that age it has nothing to do with sexuality - it is just what they enjoy before they become aware of the fact that some things are "for boys" and some aren't. My DS loved Frozen when it came out and spoke about it for months until he realised that none of his friends were into it and stopped. He has a really artistic side of his character and I feel it is a bit sad that because of peer pressure he is now suppressing it.

Quangle · 02/01/2015 10:07

I think we should have loads of threads about this because it obviously still is a real issue in lots of people's minds. Especially men. There's almost always a DH or DF behind the doubt and that's such a shame - that so many men are so tangled up in this issue, are so concerned about their version of masculinity and are so frankly terrified of the feminine. I think it's a massive problem and there must be an impact on the mental health of our boys.

I think it should be an MN campaign - let boys be Elsa!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/01/2015 10:30

If its nothing at all to do with marketing shaping parental views then what has changed with parents since the 70's?

NotAnotherNewNappy · 03/01/2015 10:26

Love the idea of a 'let bots be Elsa' campaign! I'm off to get some t-shirts printed...

TeWiSavesTheDay · 03/01/2015 10:46

I let my 3 year old boy wear dresses if he likes. I don't really get why people wouldn't.

I am wtf about not allowing this being seen as transphobic. 3 year olds are not possibly trans. They are 3! Enjoying the glitter and sparkles!

I really abhor this trend of pushing extremely adult ideas like transgender onto completely normal childhood behaviors. It's a total buy into gender stereotypes to assume that a tiny boy wanting to wear a dress is more likely to be gay or trans. You are marking out their behavior as unusual enough to be indicative of relatively rare adult identities.

Whereas wanting to dress up as your favourite character without thought of whether they are a boy or girl is very, very usual and means absolutely nothing.

OpiesOldLady · 03/01/2015 10:46

My youngest DS is almost five. He LOVES anything pink and sparkly. He often wears an elsa dress although his personal favourite is a Cinderella one, complete with slippers. He does look incredibly girlie as he has long curly hair and the most amazing eye lashes.

He has a fluffy pink hello kitty hoodie. He wears it to death. I don't mind, he's happy and most importantly, warm. He wears it to school sometimes, and the first time he did, I got asked to stay behind at pick up time. His teacher asked me why he was wearing his sisters clothes. I asked her what she meant and she mentioned the hoodie and said that she was worried some of his classmates would single him out to tell him pink is for girls etc. I explained that it was actually his, and he was wearing it because he wanted to. She actually asked him and said did he not think it was a girls coat, and he said no, it was his coat. She asked him what he would say if someone said that pink is for girls and he said he'd tell them that it's for everyone.

It seems to me that it's only an issue when people make it one.

Original poster
MyIronLung · 03/01/2015 11:10

NotAnother I'll have one of those tee-shirts Grin

Ds is currently in his dress and playing monsters

It's so good to read about all of the other little boys being allowed to play dress up. Whether that's as Elsa, Cinderella or spider-man Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
MyIronLung · 03/01/2015 11:11

ithought is nothing safe?!!
Grin

OP posts:
Catsize · 03/01/2015 11:51

Hazard, I have a similar story to you. Think it must have been soon after I started driving cars. In your case, it is clearly boxer short repression.

minibmw2010 · 03/01/2015 18:20

OpiesOldLady, how depressing that was a teacher saying that, glad to hear your little boy say his piece.

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