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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS dressing up as Elsa

113 replies

MyIronLung · 01/01/2015 23:17

Today DS (3) got an Elsa (from Frozen) dress. He loves it! He was walking around saying that he was so pretty and singing (trying to) Let it go
Before this hes never shown any interest in any kind of dressing up but recently, while watching Frozen, hes been commenting on how pretty and sparkly Elsas dress is and that he would like one.
I think he looks so lovely in it. He has no concept of 'boys and girls toys' so to him it's just dressing up. (He also has typically 'girly' toys such as a kitchen, necklace threading beads ect).
He's a 'typical' boy. Boisterous, loves lego, cars, trains, monsters and now Elsa.
My step dad on the other hand is not impressed. He would deny it but he's very homophobic, to him I think he sees it as a gateway dress!

I just wanted To ask, aibu to let DS have and enjoy this dress < disclaimer...I don't think I am >

OP posts:

Original poster

MyIronLung · 01/01/2015 23:50

I'm now feeling a bit stupid for posting as apparently lots of people have posted things like this.

Is it a rule that if it's been posted about in the past then it can't be posted in the present? (I read a lot of threads that are similar but never feel the urge to make the op feel like crap for posting...my mistake)

Sorry

OP posts:

Caff2 · 01/01/2015 23:51

My eldest son will be 15 this year. He played with princess dressing up when he was little as my best friend had three girls, and the girls played with his toys at our house. No one batted an eyelid or cared two hoots. We didn't think we were cool or PC - and all of those kids are just "normal" teens now. On the other hand, my son never wanted to wear a dress to school and none of my friends' daughters have wanted to dress in the boys' version of their school uniform, so I expect we have repressed them. Or not.

Original poster

MyIronLung · 01/01/2015 23:53

I'm the opposite of cool. If I thought putting my DS in a dress would do it then I'd have done it years ago

OP posts:

haphazardbystarlight · 01/01/2015 23:53

Cassie I had a whole thread yesterday about homosexuals (or lack thereof) in literature.

Homosexuality and wearing dresses aren't the same thing. Presumably you know this.

I just prefer my children to know the rules before they break the rules. They can grow up to be gay, transgender, whatever - but I'm not turning them into a laughing stock before they know and accept societal norms.

CassieBearRawr · 01/01/2015 23:54

But why is it a problem if he wants to wear it hazard? Why is it laughable at all?

Caff2 · 01/01/2015 23:56

My youngest son is two. He likes tiaras and dinosaurs. No need to stress about these things. My youngest brother is 26 and I am 36. I remember him liking a tiara too. :)

haphazardbystarlight · 01/01/2015 23:58

Cassie - laughable to me is just mildly amusing. By laughing at it you're just making it a non-issue - 'no, sweetie, that's for girls!' Move on.

It's just personal I think: boys in dresses is something I really don't like. I also hate nail polish on young children of either gender: it looks horrible. I hate seeing young children plastered in makeup (like dance moms) - it just makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't like it. I feel the same, illogically maybe, about boys in dresses. As such no, I wouldn't buy one for my DS.

CassieBearRawr · 01/01/2015 23:58

I absolutely know the difference. In my experience transphobic people are also homophobic. So unless yuyr son fits the narrow straight cisgendered view you sound like you will not be able to deal with it.

FYI - he's not going to grow into anything. Whatever his sexual orientation or gender he's already it.

There are no norms. Or rather, there are but they were created by the privileged majority to suit their own purposes. The sooner minority groups can break down those barriers the better.

Caff2 · 02/01/2015 00:04

Oh Cassie, that's just daft! My elder son may or may not be gay, he's undecided, but that doesn't mean he wants to wear a dress, or that because we raised him "gender male" for want of a better word we'd be bothered if he were gay, which is totally different to transgendered, and we wouldn't mind that, either!

haphazardbystarlight · 02/01/2015 00:04

I'm not transphobic at all unless the suggestion is that all young boys who wear dresses are transsexuals!

You are most welcome to try and twist this into my being homophobic or similar if you like but rest assured I am not. Either of my children are free to grow up to be gay, transgender, whatever :)

My discomfort is solely limited to very young children: I think it's almost making a mockery of their innocence.

Somebody said 'why in 2015 would anyone have a problem with it' - well unfortunately people DO - and we aren't homophobic either as boys wearing dresses and homosexuality aren't the same thing at all.

haphazardbystarlight · 02/01/2015 00:07

How old is your eldest caff?

My DS has been asking a lot of questions lately about whether boys can marry boys, can they have children and so on.

It could be nothing; it could be something. Just don't know.

DS has always been fairly conservative toy and clothing wise. His favourite toys have always been related to animals and he loves books about wildlife and nature. I think DS is either going to be an Eco warrior or a vet at some point hopefully the latter

But you do have 'feelings' I think -
And I think maybe ... But who knows!

BathshebaDarkstone · 02/01/2015 00:07

YANBU, but I'm torn with my DS. I don't care if he wants to wear pink and play with dolls, he has a big DSis and wears her princess dresses, although I try and steer him towards the ones she's outgrown, I don't want him to trip and have an accident. Recently I've let him have a pink sports bottle and Hello Kitty toothpaste. My DH is also a little homophobic, I'm not sure how to keep the peace without screwing up DS.

CassieBearRawr · 02/01/2015 00:09

"My discomfort is solely limited to very young children: I think it's almost making a mockery of their innocence".

^ And that is why it IS about bigotry, I don't need to twist your words, you're speakng plainly. Do you feel the same about girls in jeans?

I am in no way insinuating a boy in a dress is gay or trans. He is just a boy in a dress. I am saying your attitude towards a child wearing normal clothing betrays your homophobia and transphobia. I hope for his own sake he fits your ideals.

Caff2 · 02/01/2015 00:12

As I said, my eldest is 15, my youngest is two. Believe me, with the older one I have bigger worries than if he wants to wear dresses or not!

haphazardbystarlight · 02/01/2015 00:13

No, because jeans are traditionally worn by both genders.

Boys in dresses have NOTHING to do with homosexuality. They may, possibly, have something to do with transsexualism - but the likelihood is they don't.

Boy in a dress does not equate = homosexual child!

haphazardbystarlight · 02/01/2015 00:14

Apologies caff I clearly didn't hang on to your every word

Caff2 · 02/01/2015 00:19

I think I was kind of agreeing with you, against all the odds! So have a confused face back!

CassieBearRawr · 02/01/2015 00:19

I never said dresses = not straight.

I said your attitude to boys in dresses shows how you would react to a non cisgendered/non hetero child.

Once upon a time jeans were not traditionally worn by both genders.

One day dresses will be free for both genders to wear too.

The fact you can't even see your own hypocrisy is sad but not unexpected I suppose.

Luckily the world us changing faster than people with attitudes like yours!

ArabellaStrange · 02/01/2015 00:20

Up until the beginning of the twentieth century, a women wearing any form of trouser would have been perceived as an oddity.
So why are skirts and dresses still seen as something purely for those of us with a vagina?
I know the answer but am hoping this will prompt someone else to explain it more clearly than I could at this point in time

haphazardbystarlight · 02/01/2015 00:24

face for you caff.

Cassie true and once boys wore pink and girls wore blue and once phones were bricks and now they are not and once nuclear war was the worry and now it's Ebola.

Things change.

My children will be who they are. I would not permit my son to wear a dress any more than I would permit him to wear something else too expensive/ weather inappropriate/ age inappropriate. That doesn't make me homophobic because (for the fifth or so time!) wearing a dress doesn't make someone gay.

They are completely separate issues.

I also have a daughter and wouldn't let her wear nail polish for the simple reason that I hate it and think it looks tacky. No big thought process behind it - just personal taste. Same with boys in dresses: I think it looks silly.

When they are 21 and 14 dd can have huge tacky rhinestone nails and DS can go to work dressed as Elsa in the meantime I will impose some limits as per my personal tastes and I imagine so too will every other parent!

Caff2 · 02/01/2015 00:30

I don't like lots of things my older son does. I tell him so. He's 15 so many of those things are his choice (obviously not illegal!) I don't like his choice in music, for example! It's what it is, my mum and dad are Catholic, I'm not, we still love each other - they didn't encourage me to follow their ways with no question though.

haphazardbystarlight · 02/01/2015 00:33

Well yes but my son is 7 and my daughter a baby!

By the time my son is 15 and dd is 8 he can wear a Disney princess dress if he wants to although I might discourage him when he sits his GCSEs. The rustling might distract the other students

taxi4ballet · 02/01/2015 00:34

I saw a little boy in a pink tutu in the supermarket the other day. So what?

When my dd was small she loved Bob the Builder and Thomas the Tank Engine - we never thought twice about it. She was never one for dressing-up costumes, but if she'd asked for a "boy's" outfit then she'd have got one.

They are just toys.

haphazardbystarlight · 02/01/2015 00:36

(The above was a joke by the way. DS is unique amongst mumsnet small males and has never once gravitated towards tutus, Disney princess dresses or high heels!)

NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/01/2015 00:38

Because innocent playing makes a mockery out of innocence?

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