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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate this man who said 'cancer is the best way to die'

216 replies

Sallystyle · 01/01/2015 13:21

Stop wasting billions trying to cure cancer, it's the best way to die,' says former BMJ editor

So death from cancer is the best ... You can say goodbye, reflect on your life, leave last messages, perhaps visit special places for a last time, listen to favourite pieces of music, read loved poems, and prepare, according to your beliefs, to meet your maker or enjoy eternal oblivion.

Well, fuck him I say.

OP posts:
LadyPenny · 01/01/2015 19:02

So sorry for your loss sashh

Baddz · 01/01/2015 19:03

Sorry for your loss sashh x

limitedperiodonly · 01/01/2015 19:07

If there could be a good death she had it, gradually sleeping more and more and finally passing in her sleep.

sashh Flowers

She was lucky. So was my mum. It still hurts though, doesn't it?

Toggo · 01/01/2015 19:09

MollyAir I suffer from severe health anxiety and health-related panic attacks which my doctors diagnosed as carcinophobia. I cannot cope with stressful situations anymore and have developed a quite negative outlook on life (don't bother saving for a pension anymore).

CinderellaRockefeller · 01/01/2015 19:17

My gran had bowel cancer at age 81. It was traumatic, but they removed a section of her bowel and she pulled through.

About a year later she got dementia. She no longer recognises anything, has any ability to self care or speak. She make a noise about every 5 minutes, which is like a child's wail of pain but goes on for ages. Then she's silent. Her remnants of life are horrific, I have no idea if she's trapped in her mind and aware or already gone.

I wish she'd died of the cancer.

MrsDeVere · 01/01/2015 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MollyAir · 01/01/2015 19:23

Sashh, sorry to hear about your mother. Thanks

Toggo, thanks for that explanation; it sounds very severe. Are you having counselling - or what do they recommend? I am so sorry you are having to go through that, and you, as well, OP. Sad

IamtheZombie · 01/01/2015 19:31

I have Stage 4 Breast Cancer. To be honest, I'm grateful I know that my time is limited. How limited remains to be seen and I certainly hope it's longer than the 9 - 12 months my oncologist told me last month is what the current statistical data suggests.

I now appreciate every good day that I have. I do have a bucket list and I'm starting to work my way through it. I'm nurturing the relationships that bring me joy and love and severing those that don't.

I know that things will get harder. When they find the next metastasis I will undergo yet another chemotherapy regime. Chemotherapy is hell on earth. I suspect there will come the time when I say no more. That's because the most important thing to me is the quality of the life I have left, not the quantity.

hazeyjane · 01/01/2015 19:34

I agree with Mrs DeVere.

I don't understand how he can talk about cancer as one disease.

I have friend whose 5 year old son died last year within 2 weeks of discovering he had a brain tumour.

My cousin also died at 5, after being diagnosed with a brain tumour at 3.

There is no 'better death' there.

expatinscotland · 01/01/2015 19:39

BRAVO, MrsDeVere. My child's death by his measure would have been considered 'good', being pain free and surrounded with people she loved in life and who loved her. But she died in that multiple system organ failure he referred to as bad.

By contrast I know someone who saw the 18-year-old girl die after being struck by that bin lorry last week. Dr Smith would say her death was sudden, which it was. It pains me to write about how she died, but she was not out of pain of it.

He posts as he is, a doctor, and he knows this. As such he has a certain responsibility, a duty, and he fails himself in this, in so many ways.

expatinscotland · 01/01/2015 19:43

Exactly, Zombie, friend, without someone deciding for you, when enough is enough. Seriously? Is it for someone else to say when you should die? As I said, my father is starting a trial drug for his prostate cancer, and he is 78.

Stop trying to find a cure! It's just an opinion. That opinion has a face. Many faces. Those faces are people. That's the problem I have with it.

And then, why not apply that to all areas of medicine. Fuck it, if they live they may go on the develop dementia, which is, in his opinion, worse.

crumblebumblebee · 01/01/2015 19:49

We can't compare deaths. Some people on this thread are berating this doctor for doing it but doing the same. Who are you to judge what he has been through either?

Chocolateteacake · 01/01/2015 19:51

Every time I hear of a tiny step towards finding a cure for leukemia I do a little 'yay!'. Its too late for dad but like you, expat, our cancer had a face too.

(Love 'n hugs and soppy stuff to our mate zombie)

kim147 · 01/01/2015 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sallystyle · 01/01/2015 20:01

I don't know what thread you are reading Crumble.

I certainly know that there are worse deaths than cancer, some cancer deaths are worse than others, some are easier. My grandma died 6 years after having a stroke and she spent that 6 years with dementia, a whole host of medical problems and unable to even get up to go to the toilet. Her worst nightmare was having to be dependant on anyone. Her death was awful.

I haven't read anyone here say cancer is the worst death ever. Full stop. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. The only one who has lumped cancer as one disease which is the best death ever is the doctor.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sallystyle · 01/01/2015 20:02

Zombie Thanks

I didn't realise your cancer was at stage 4. Much love to you and yours.

OP posts:
Bearsinmotion · 01/01/2015 20:04

He is NOT talking about ONE disease. He is talking about MANY. THAT is why he makes no sense.

This is what I don't get. He is a man I have some respect for, and I understand the need to consider how we die. I also think we do need to look at how we fund cures for various diseases, there is evidence we are not getting this right.

But cancer is, as MrsDV says, not one disease but many. Even what we consider one form, e.g. Breast cancer, is really many diseases. And there is no single way of dying from cancer. It just doesn't make sense.

And, FWIW, my grandma died of a furred artery in her 70's. She'd watched her DH die slowly of cancer, and was well prepared for her own death, as were her DC. She got up one morning, felt a bit tired and sat in her chair, went to sleep and never woke up. I know which way I'd rather go.

crumblebumblebee · 01/01/2015 20:04

U2 I really dislike the 'shut down' comments on poster's comprehension skills when a someone else disagrees. I didn't say all comments but some people are saying how bad X death is compared to Y death.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 01/01/2015 20:12

as a slight aside - it took me about three seconds to spot that Richard Smith has written LOADS of blogs for the BMJ about a number of health-related matters. I doubt very much that he thought this particular blog was going to be read by anyone other than his usual (probably relatively small) audience.

blogs.bmj.com/bmj/category/richard-smith/

Sashh - sorry for your loss.

sanfairyanne · 01/01/2015 20:30

i agree with him wrt 'the elderly' (eg choice of stroke, dementia, mnd or cancer - cancer not such a bad way to go) but cancer that takes people before their time eg childhood cancer is something still worth focussing our resources on.

sanfairyanne · 01/01/2015 20:48

his other blogs are interesting - just had a look

MariscallRoad · 01/01/2015 20:54

U2TheEdge He is not God - definitely.

Original poster
Sallystyle · 01/01/2015 21:00

U2TheEdge He is not God - definitely.

Sorry, I don't understand your post. Not hard to confuse me Grin

OP posts:
PulpsNotFiction · 01/01/2015 21:14

Well,I'm home again now so I went back and read the blog as Limitedperiodonly indicated I should as I apparently used the very offensive word, context. I didn't choses the headline of the blog, he did.
I didn't read it earlier because I literally was out the door.
(I can't ask my sister if she'd take a test for huntingtons)
I've not changed my mind, my Dsis would still have rather lived and developed dementia in her 70's than die in her forties.
This fluffy notion of getting all your affairs in order and saying your goodbyes is in many cases, unrealistic, although hopefully not all.
I'm coming to my opinion from the heart, not the head, I make no excuses for that. It doesn't mean it's not valid.

PulpsNotFiction · 01/01/2015 21:20

Zombie Flowers.